


Marine Snow

by DeadpanSnarker



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Fluff, From Sex to Love, M/M, No Strings Attached, artist!mingyu, how it went from flirty to this? that idk u.u, waiter!wonwoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-07-29 18:38:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 68,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7695118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadpanSnarker/pseuds/DeadpanSnarker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their lives were a game of truth and dare in which Mingyu and Wonwoo both always chose dare. Everything was fair in love and war, which hereby undeniably happened to be the same thing. Having overlooked analyzing the consequences, no, rather downplaying the consequences, oblivious to their true magnitude, what starts as a playful 'quit playing games with my heart' evolves into 'you smashed my heart into smithereens'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Move Advantage

 

 

 

> “Philosophy and logic, elements of foundation of how the system, the human mind and unequivocally everything work. Everything abides by logic; an answer has to be found.  
>  If everything is bound to have a solution then why do absurdities exist?
> 
> Something that is not ‘humanly’ possible. Something that is ‘pointless’; answerless.
> 
> Does that leave us at the point where we think our minds can’t fathom the answer consequently it is to be categorized as ‘absurd’. Or it simply and truly has no answer thus it is called ‘absurd’.
> 
>  
> 
> A nonsensical deduction is induced by an unruly imagination or invalid propositions. Contradictions are drawn to prove the impossibility of certain illogical propositions hence negating the absurdities, yet it is safe to call things that have no solution ‘absurd’...?
> 
>  
> 
> As alternating as they are, a reason; a purpose to live is needed … a way if found; made.
> 
> Some might regard life as an equation and some as a chess-board while others see it as a gamble. But what if they couldn’t solve the equation, what if they were never able to check-mate, or what if they kept losing?  
>  As insightful as they think they are; very few regard life as the three options. They need to calculate to check-mate, they have to gamble, possibly lose a ‘pawn’ or two in the process, to find a path to victory … ironically, they just don’t notice that they are at a worse position than if they regarded life as any of the options separately; because at some point, after having lost too many pawns, invested so much -irrevocably wasted- time in the ‘game’, after the number of losses they have lost becomes overwhelmingly beyond belief, they just gamble on the whole chess-board.
> 
>  
> 
> And seldom do they check-mate.”

 

Then where does the answer lie, where does that leave life?

_Absurd_ is your answer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

There are some people who whenever they get too wrapped up in their own thoughts, it is nearly impossible to try to awaken them from that state of mind.

Kim Mingyu couldn’t quite pinpoint when he grew accustomed to going regularly this time at night to this restaurant with the extravagantly ostentatious façade. How long has it been? Five weeks? Two months? Maybe even more.

Mingyu wasn’t paying attention to the fine red wine before him, not to mention slurping it. He deliberately chose a table from those outside the restaurant, and seldom did he order anything but relatively expensive brands of alcohol, as his state of mind was the one to decide how strong the drink should be for the night. It was neither quiet nor was his spot too obvious, it was under a tree, fairly lit, yet it didn’t shackle his freedom. He sat with resting his left forearm on his left leg which was almost –strangely enough, the chair he sat on was big enough to let his leg too on board- hugged to his body, his other leg was on the ground like the rest of the customers. A forty-centimeter edge-frayed sketch laid open on his right thigh, he was tapping his pencil on the edge of the table as he brooded on, looking at the interior of the restaurant. If anyone passed, they would stop to marvel at how out of place Mingyu seemed, rather how deliberately he seemed to act as if he were the only person on the premises.

Kim Mingyu wasn’t your everyday costumer. And almost everyone on the staff could testify to that.

 

The melodious voices and mellow tunes kept playing on. Mingyu wasn’t roused from his vigil until a child tugged at his sleeveless jacket from the bottom.

“Oppa,” She has been saying for a while, not aware of the fact Mingyu was almost at his Zen mode, in other words, good luck trying to make him return to reality any time soon. It wasn’t until the kid had hit the drawing sketch by accident as she started falling that Mingyu snapped back to reality.

It all happened in a few seconds, Mingyu rose up abruptly, hand hitting the drink, the child fell to the pavement. The flying drink splattered, some of it on the little girl’s dress, but mainly on Mingyu’s –luckily- black jeans. But that was none of Mingyu’s concern, initially he only came back to reality at the vision of his sketch almost falling to the ground, which he caught mid-air, which also, by some divine miracle and to Mingyu’s merit, didn’t get stained.

Mingyu didn’t look at the fallen girl.

“I’m so sorry, mister.” An adult-ish voice that sounded a bit short of breath said, “Tzuyu, I told you to wait for me. Would you stop causing trouble to others for a second!” The voice proceeded, patronizingly.

“But I wanted to ask Oppa about the strange drawings on his arm,” The girl said, getting up.

“My deepest apologies,” the voice said ruefully but something about the air around Mingyu made him stop there.

Mingyu had fully digested what has happened long ago, yet he ignored the girl and the person who was supposed to be her parent or relative or whoever he was it didn’t really mean anything to Mingyu. He was ignoring the few curious costumers who briefly stopped eating to check the commotion. Some of the people are regulars who often came and found Mingyu there, and it was there that the charm lied.

They were wondering how he would react. They had hardly seen him interact with anyone but the staff, which to their own astonishment; he would carry out in perfect manner almost graciously, contrary to the often brooding version of him which their eyes saw often in the dimly lit nights.  
But Mingyu was fully engrossed in the interior of the restaurant, he decided if he was to get back to what he was doing, he would have to brush off the reason that disturbed his plans.

 

He laid the sketch on the chair and for the first time he turned to face the person beside him. He kneeled to his knees and tousled the little girl’s short hair. “You are not hurt anywhere, right?” He said sweetly, reaching for the napkin on the table.

“My bad, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he smiled. The girl was dumbfounded for a second as Mingyu’s hand was wiping her face.

She shook her head happily and said, “Chan-Oppa, look, I didn’t cause any trouble.”

From the corner of Mingyu’s eyes, he securitized the guy that she called ‘Chan-Oppa ’. He was a teenager, at least five years younger than himself. He was still wearing his uniform and he was short of breath.

_Too much for someone who just came from inside._ Mingyu thought. A single earring in his right ear, indicating he was at this rebellious stage, his face was patent scarlet seemed to have started to get bleached of colour. His shoes weren’t in good care; he probably was at some sport club at school if he reached this degree of carelessness for his shoes. And his shirt was sticking out a bit, bathroom.

_I see._ He thought.

The boy seemed like a happy-go-lucky person in general.

One of the staff came out, not that it had been that long.

“Is everything alright?” He asked, shooting an evil eye at the boy and the girl. Mingyu ruffled the kid’s hair once more then stood straight.

“No, thank you. I just accidentally spilt my drink on this little lady here.” The girl’s cheeks started to blush “Nothing major,” he continued talking to the guy who might have been of higher position than most of the staff given his attire. “Everyone can go back to whatever they were doing,” he said in a louder tone, this time it wasn’t intended solely for the guy from the restaurant staff. Forks and knives were picked up again and could be heard hitting the plates.

 

The name tag on the guy from the restaurant read as ‘Heechul’. Heechul eyed the little girl then looked at her patron and let his eyes spot the stain on Mingyu’s jeans.

“Kim-sshi,” he began while Chan –the patron- started looking at the ground meekly as he held the little girl’s hand. Mingyu noticed all of that, he smiled again.

“Heechul-sshi, would you please ask anyone to bring me another drink since mine ended up as water for your plants?” Mingyu was obviously dismissing the situation; Chan’s eyes started lifting up, hopeful.

Heechul didn’t like Mingyu; at least this is what the latter thought. Mingyu knew he was a valuable costumer that Heechul couldn’t afford to lose. The staff didn’t have any problems with ‘Kim-sshi’, he paid his bills just fine and left generous tips often. But Mingyu’s idiosyncrasies always made them think something was majorly off. Mingyu had never treated any of them with cheekiness or in a condescending manner; neither did he harass any of the employees –as often witnessed with some costumers. Heechul, too, was aware of that.

He bowed politely then left.

 

“Oppa, what are these drawings?” She said pointing at his left hand. Chan looked at her.

“Come on, let’s leave this mister alone. Let’s go home.” He said with a strained smile.

As if he had just said nothing, Mingyu answered, “Those are from work, Tzuyu-yah.” He didn’t seem irritated.

Tzuyu smiled again, she seemed to like Mingyu. “They are so pretty!” She started taking Mingyu’s hand who was now once again kneeling to be at her level. “What’s your name, Oppa?” Tzuyu asked without looking at anything but the tattoos that puzzled her and fully consumed her attention. They took almost all his left arm, a coordinated tiny writing that she couldn’t read aligned together forming a shape that circled around his arm, they looked like chains.

“I’m Mingyu.” Mingyu used his first name.

Tzuyu left his arm due to the heavy gaze of her patron who was feeling uneasy. Then she let go of his hand and ran into the restaurant. “Bathroom” she had cried before Chan could utter a word. He was left alone to deal with the odd guy before him, his unease was starting to get the worst of him.

“You couldn’t have possibly thought I was going to file a complaint against you or Tzuyu-ah.” Mingyu said, still smiling. Chan laughed wearily, starting to be relieved.

“I’m so sorry. I’ll pay for your drink.”

Mingyu laughed too loud, it wasn’t a joyful laugh nevertheless. “I don’t intend to take money from a teenager who couldn’t get enough time to make out with his partner while he left a little kid in a restaurant alone.” Mingyu pressed a smile again. Chan’s eyes widened, he was going to say something. “Apropos of … your shirt is sticking out.” Chan was once again taken aback.

“Don’t worry, I’m not saying anything to Heechul-sshi. I’m sure tomorrow he’ll talk to you, I’ll make sure to clear the misunderstanding before leaving.”

Chan was struck motionless; Mingyu’s words were said as if he knew Heechul had more power on him than any regular high-schooler-costumer.

“Mingyu-sshi,” Chan was going to apologize once more when Mingyu stopped him.

“Kim.” He said curtly. Chan looked at Mingyu’s face to see that his eyes have adapted a serious manner. He decided to go against what he was initially saying and backpedalled.

“Thank you, sir.”

Mingyu pressed his lips into a thin line as if he had acknowledged the implicit apology. Chan had enough brains to know he was dismissed. He bowed then left.

 

Mingyu sighed. Throwing a look at the restaurant, he reached for his back-pocket, got out his wallet and left money for two drinks under the menu on his table. He grabbed his sketch and he started leaving.

 

 

 

Almost five minutes later, Heechul himself was the one who got back with the drink; he started looking left and right. A voice from his back said, “If you are looking for the tattooed bed-hair chap halftime artist half time sass who always sits in this table, he has already left.”

Heechul turned around, knowing fully well who would be leaning on the opened door of the restaurant with cheeky grin. “I’d rather not hear you calling our costumers ‘sass’, Wonwoo.” Heechul said menacingly.

Wonwoo shrugged.

 

Two blocks away, Mingyu opened his sketch and checked the last page. It had a drawing of a man without a face. “And yet another day and I can’t draw it.” He said to himself.

He stopped walking and his expression had taken the same serious shade it had when he was talking to Chan. “Fucking kids! And I went as far as to save his ass.” He shook his head and proceeded walking.

The punch line was that Mingyu was smirking.

 

 

****

****

****

Human conflictions of whether or not to do something, because one is concurring both decisions. That afflicted feeling that overtakes you after you have made up your mind about the matter, like you had just eliminated a choice that might have changed your life, like you had rejected a mysterious call to an enthralling chance.

To Kim Mingyu, that happened when he needed to get out of bed.

 

Mingyu opened his eyes to see a sight he had grown ‘sick to his stomach’ of: his pure white extremely high ceiling.

“What nonsense!” He mumbled, rolling his eyes. He checked the time it read quarter to seven. He sneered then looked away, wondering why his body never let him sleep for long hours like when he was a child. Mingyu vaguely recalled the day before, it was frustratingly fruitless and it was deliberate, however, that didn’t mean he turned in early, on the contrary, he had hardly slept five hours.

Mingyu had been procrastinating life for the past three days, after his small incident in the restaurant. Albeit his objective wasn’t reached, he decided to avoid that place for a while, no particular reason, he just didn’t feel like going there. And Mingyu did whatever the hell he wanted.

He stayed in bed for almost another hour, merely staring at his pure white ceiling, he fantasized about filling it with something, maybe changing the colour … the latter he has been considering since he moved in here almost ten months ago. Good thing was that Mingyu was a restless person and staying in bed for that long after having awoken meant a day sentenced to death.

 

He got off bed and wore a shirt that was thrown on the ground, he shook his head then said, “I have never been this negligent, I’m amazed at myself.” Another thing that astonished Mingyu was him taking a liking into talking to himself. He shook his head once more then started staggering to the bathroom.  
After he had freshened up and worn something decent, he looked at the mirror, proud of what he was seeing. He pondered two options, the first was to finish his unfinished business; the sooner the better, the second was to call his mother….  
Both options didn’t sound so appealing.

 

He looked at his apartment; he hardly left anything in the boxes despite not knowing how long his stay would extend to. He scanned it with his eyes, half proud of how he had made it.

It was modernly fashionable, he had been nitpicky about some trivialities consequently he had remodeled and interfered with numerous details. Mingyu had specifically chosen this apartment because it was basically made of glass; it took an L-shape.  
He had the bedroom with one big brown bed while few ornaments hung here and there, a nightstand to the bed’s right and a lengthy lamp to its left, and a dress-table matching the bed was facing him with its overly big mirror supported by one of the apartment’s pillars that was directly behind it. His wardrobe took place somewhere artistically placed to the dress table’s left, with yet another pillar behind it, it was cylindrical and it, on a literal basis, did spin, dealing with his leather jackets to denim jeans and plain V-neck t-shirts. One thing about his wardrobe; it was consistent neither in colour nor in pattern. Even a girl would say it was fairly big.

Originally, there were walls, which he had made sure they were to be replaced with pillars before he moved in to give him the open-apartment sensation he sought. He also asked them to split the apartment horizontally making three short steps as the boundary to have the bedroom and what he labeled as ‘working room’ or ‘office’ as if they were on a podium. The office was designed to face the other direction the bedroom did, for, the desk he used the same pillar the wardrobe had to its back to. In the centre of the ‘room’ laid some pillows that were organized to form a peak to be in level with the small round-edged table before it. There, lied the second most used thing by Mingyu, his Mac-book – which at first he thought he had spent his money needlessly, but not now. His desk looked like that of an architect as there was a wooden board hung amidst the two pillars with various kind of articles and drawings and photos pinned to it. His canvas was set opposing the desk with his some of tools scattered everywhere while the others were orderly put in a near chest of drawers and finished work lined up near the wall.

The bedroom and the office were the ones that had the glass façade, in terms of privacy, it was worse than a veranda but that was what the black-out curtains were for. They looked exactly on the street and Mingyu was in the eighth storey. He liked high storeys.

 

The bedroom side was entirely white. The living room side was everything that might have been darker than black.

 

Mingyu had a lot of electronics and appliances he seldom used on the other side, he had absolutely no use for the forty-seven-inches TV he had bought that hung wide on the wall just a few meters to the door’s left, or the stereo that was on a fine wooden chest of drawers with a painting hung on the wall above it with its three speakers that were distributed everywhere in the apartment. Seven huge lanterns every here and there in his apartment, shedding their colourful lights. The black and white apartment made a huge contrast with the paintings and the vase with the red Roses by the stereo’s left. Or the sofa that could take up to four people not to mention three armchairs that formed a semi-circle with the sofa. A moderate-size library was next to the door, siding with the fireplace. It had three shelves beneath each other to its right, with a lot, a lot of CDs and DVDs, but mostly music ones. The lights were pinned to the ceiling, inside it, providing different shades of white colour. Candles were here and there, either for scent or dim lightening. Tall lamps were at the corners. Everything was neat and tidy.

What Mingyu sat on most of the times was the egg chair.

Unlike the bedroom and Mingyu’s little playroom, this side had six pillars plus a closed room that finalized the L which was his checkered-tiled bathroom that contained too much hair product and, surprisingly, also a glass cylindrical shower.

The kitchenette almost had the same tiles as the bathroom but it was a different texture; there lied Mingyu’s pride: his liquor cabinet. The only thing he cared about in the kitchenette was the coffee-maker, he often said to hell with the fridge and microwave. And, yes, he owned a little-to-never used cooker.

Although the living room took most of the apartment’s space and it was utterly overelaborate with its fancy gadgets and contemporary furnishing, it wasn’t the most eye catchy thing in his apartment, nor was it the glass façade, more like that the black wall (which was mostly covered) had what one would call white patterns on them. And that was, naturally, Mingyu’s own doing.

It was an overall opened apartment that in spite of not spending any time in, Mingyu has invested a lot of money on it and wasted a fairly good time redesigning and decorating it in order to meet his standards.

 

So far, he had been the only one who had set feet in it after he re-painted the walls. It had been two months since then.

 

After almost three minutes of admiring his creation, he grabbed his bag and hung it on his shoulder then left without locking the door.

Mingyu threw a side-glance at the parked vehicles as he strolled down the street. It was just a few minutes past nine in the hazy day of July.

 

\----

****

Mingyu’s plans were soon disturbed as he met an acquaintance on his way. Lee Jooheon, a guy he knew since high-school who frequently contacted Mingyu. He had a white-collar job and he was currently –recently- single after a four-year relationship, not that it was of any shock to Mingyu. In Mingyu’s perspective, this guy was probably one of the few guys he regarded as tolerable, he used to spend time with him and ‘the gang’ when he was a high-schooler. That didn’t imply that he preferred his company the most nevertheless.

Jooheon insisted on treating him to a breakfast when he learnt Mingyu hadn’t had one yet, to which Mingyu had agreed.

Mingyu knew he would end-up at Diamond Café, it was Jooheon’s favourite spot and he spent most of his day there more than he did at home, that might have contributed to why his marriage had failed. For note’s worth, it was also _the_ restaurant.

And Mingyu was never wrong.

They walked slowly, catching-up, however, they arrived twenty to ten. This time, Mingyu was sitting inside the restaurant and Jooheon sat across from him.

“So why were you up early? I thought you had a job.” Jooheon asked half-jokingly as he jabbed Mingyu’s left arm playfully.

Mingyu laughed. “Ahh, I quit that.”

“Didn’t you get the job only last year? Come on man, I know you get bored easily, but for god’s sake, you’ll end up on the streets.”

Mingyu pressed his diplomatic smile. “I have enough to get by. Besides, I am working in the meantime.” He had to add the last sentence.

“Your hobby,” Jooheon pointed his index finger at Mingyu’s bag, “doesn’t count as working.” And he started to nod happily as if he had gotten the point across.

“I see you are as carefree as ever.” Mingyu noted out then turned to his right to answer the waitress. “I’ll have a cup of coffee, please,” –then addressing Jooheon who was looking at the waitress, ready to order. “He too will have coffee, right, Jooheon?” Mingyu’s smile had a threatening edge to it. He had noticed Jooheon wasn’t dressed in a suit, meaning he had the day off and he would just get downright drunk and it was just too much for Mingyu to handle at the moment. Jooheon scratched his nose innocently then nodded. The waitress left and Jooheon’s eyes followed her wistfully.

Mingyu got hit “Why can’t you let me vent a bit?” Jooheon said, sulking.

“Because it’s not ten in the morning yet, I’m not dealing with the drunk you at such an hour, which by the way, is very bitchy.” Mingyu shrugged simply.

Jooheon’s eyes widened a bit. “You should be glad I’m still friends with you despite that sweet tongue of yours, Mingyu-yah.”

Mingyu nodded mockingly. “I hear that pretty often, surprisingly, all off you stick even though you keep saying so.”

For some ironic private reflection, Jooheon laughed heartily at that.

 

“So, let me guess,” Mingyu held up a finger as the coffee arrived, he thanked the waitress and took a sip. “You are still hung up on your ex who by now has a boyfriend and today is fun day so you decided to have some pleasurable time as in ‘let’s drink the pain away.’“ Mingyu paused to take another sip.

Jooheon was smiling happily, he was going to say something but again Mingyu held up his finger. “Uh-uh, I’m not done yet,” another sip, “This cute little waitress -you just let your eyes take a stroll up her body again, was your target today until you have found me.”

Jooheon made a face. “I swear to god, people only stick to you because you are-” Jooheon began only to be cut again.

 “Benevolent, smart, charming … an amazing listener and friend?” Mingyu suggested, smirking.

“You forgot asshole.” Jooheon finished for him, throwing the sugar packet at his friend’s face. Mingyu caught it and added it to his coffee.

“Sweet and sour.”

Jooheon drew his chair closer until he was sitting beside Mingyu. “Since I have already seen you today, let me make use of you,” Jooheon finally revealed. “How do I get her number?” He gestured to the waitress.

Mingyu set down the cup, smirked again and said, “Jooheon, friend, you’ll never get anywhere, you don’t know how to flirt, you can’t read any mood or any situation not to mention people in general, no wonder Shownu left you.” Mingyu made an and-the-list-goes-on-and-on-face.

 

Jooheon didn’t look at his friend, he started drinking his coffee. “You used to be nice and you sugar coated your words.” He said.

“It’s because you’re my friend I don’t have to deal with formalities.” Mingyu said laconically.

“Next time, I’m calling Seokmin because you’re good for nothing.”

Mingyu smiled amiably. “I’ll explain to you how it goes. Take, for instance, this young waiter over there with this older lady,” Jooheon’s eyes followed Mingyu’s, it was a table at the corner where a twentyish guy was chatting merrily with one good-looking woman that was probably a few years older than him.

“Go on.” Jooheon said, pulling his chair closer if possible.

“He’s confident about his looks, almost arrogant, he knows how to exploit women’s weaknesses, he’s aware his face makes him seem older than he really is, especially with that fit build of his, this is what you call a host rather than a waiter.” Mingyu illustrated leaning to the empty side and talking in a rather bored manner but the smirk never parted with his face.

“Study the posture,” He held up the menu and started going over it. “He knows the ladies like his smile, he’s grinning to his ears as you can see. He’s an elegant conversationalist, he’ll let their partner think they owned him, but as you can see in those pair of confident eyes, it is one of this planet’s few impossibilities.” Mingyu sighed, not dismissing the lecture, still dealing with the menu. He could feel the awe vibes and astonishment coming from Jooheon.

“He’s been going at for almost five minutes now, time to take the bait. She’ll probably go through her bag and ‘accidentally’ drop some of its contents on the ground, he’ll play the gentleman and help her pick it up, you know a mere excuse to touch him and slip her number.” For the first time, Mingyu lifted his eyes, waiting. He only pointed when things went as explained, Jooheon didn’t mind how confident Mingyu was but he was amazed at the fact he was confident enough to say something that hadn’t happened yet and look up as if to say _here you go_. They watched them for thirty seconds then the bag did drop. Mingyu sneered.

Mingyu proceeded as the man and his companion started gathering the stuff.

“She’ll ask him for his number, he’ll smile innocently and scratch his neck as if there’s no evil on this planet, he’ll use the ‘ _Sorry we are not allowed to use our phones while working’_ or ‘ _I can’t give my number to any of our clients_ ’ excuse in order to avoid taking her number, you know, he’s following the rules, even Heechul-sshi there can tell you that.” Mingyu laughed to himself and Jooheon looked at Heechul who was obviously not happy about the situation, none of the staff or other customers have taken notice yet.

Mingyu sighed again. “Depending on his mood, he might give her a wrong number, little sly devil. He’ll leave now and won’t come out until she had left.” This sounded like the last thing Mingyu had to say.

It took him less than a minute to leave and the woman’s face was blushing for she wasn’t really happy, as if he had rejected her.

Jooheon started making weird confused signs in the air. “Man! Did they teach that at our school? Or your sociology major required that much analysis? How did you know all that, you even knew he would reject her!” Jooheon only needed an answer for the second question.

“A: they didn’t, you only need to have a pair of eyes and a functioning brain to understand people. B: the guy is a flirt, plus he’s in no physical condition for someone to be over tonight.” Mingyu clicked his tongue and emptied the other sugar packet directly in his mouth. He knew it was nothing special.

The guy reappeared; he was lightly being scolded by Heechul. As if to answer Jooheon’s silent question, Mingyu said, “He’s limping, and if you look at the leg he prefers, it’s the left. The guy isn’t a south-paw, normal people don’t favour their left leg. Actually, it’s not his leg if you look well. The guy had a wild night and his partner wasn’t referred to as ‘she’.” Mingyu took Jooheon’s unused tissue and wiped his mouth. Jooheon’s eyes followed the guy as he disappeared into the staff room once again.

 

“The limp is hardly visible!” Jooheon hit Mingyu in the same arm, still confused as ever.

“Goddammit, Jooheon, I’m not your punching bag!” Mingyu said as he drew back with his chair instantly.

Jooheon let out a frustrated sigh. “I can never be as good as that.”

Mingyu studied him for a few seconds then said, “Why don’t you just ask him to get back? I know you can think of a thing or two. Plus Shownu really loved you, he only left because you didn’t pay attention much to your home.”

Jooheon examined Mingyu’s face and narrowed his eyes. “Stop being nice, it creeps me out.” -Mingyu was halfway done smirking- “And stop smirking and laughing like that around people, I thought I’d be an exception; you don’t have to put up the act.”

Jooheon’s elbow was on its way to Mingyu’s ribs when the latter stood up and said, “I have to go now, you disrupted my plans long enough as it is.”

“Candid as ever, you pay, I have to leave anyway.” Jooheon said matter-of-factly.

“It’s been lovely,” Mingyu added in mock sympathy as he picked up his bag. He watched Jooheon get up, Jooheon hugged him briefly then he had left.

Mingyu headed to the counter to pay for the check. Maybe.

 

****

****

“He has left already?” Heechul asked, his face speaking all kinds of surprise as he addressed the few that remained in the staff room. All of them looking solemn, having witnessed this episode many times.

“No, Heechul-sshi, love bird is about to leave.” Came the voice in reply, the owner looked at a girl in the staff, “Keep in mind what I said.” His wink was followed by the back door closing. Declaring his brusque dismissal.

 

 

****

****

“He’s not?” Mingyu asked dismissing his nondescript surprise.

“Yes, Kim-sshi, if you are asking about Won- … Jeon-goon, he didn’t come today.” Mingyu knew she was lying; he had seen him; with his perfectly capable eyes, he was just tutoring Jooheon how to flirt featuring Mr. Flirt.

Mingyu gave her his best smile, he could see the girl’s cheek colour now.

“So _Jeon_ didn’t come today or in the past three days, is what you are saying.” He asked rhetorically while leaning on the counter.

A nod. “I think he ate something bad,” she said with the dumb girly smile. He knew she was lying, he can even see a sweat starting to break.

He smiled friendly and shook his head, amused. “Do you, perhaps, have his address?” Mingyu looked her straight in the eye with these threatening-not-smiling-despite-the-grin eyes.

“Umm…” She started to tense up.

“Well, if Jeon is ill or something I need to check up on him, I owe him something so I’d like to see my debt being repaid.” He said quickly, his hands took hers in as he pressed his lips to a thin compassionate line. Mingyu knew she checked him out more than once, almost always and he also knew this was foul play but she lied first.

Mingyu definitely felt the girl melt in his hands and her face was brighter in colour. He was thankful Heechul- wasn’t present at this very moment, for the past two months Mingyu was a regular here he knew Heechul wasn’t a fan of his employees flirting or being flirted with; but for all he cared, he would do anything to reach the guy … and it’s not like this wasn’t a café and a restaurant and secret pick-up place. She scribbled something on paper and handed it to Mingyu, looking abashed as she tried to smile.

“You should tell Heechul-sshi to stop hiring youth so carelessly like that, Noona.” He flirted.

Nayeon’s eyes darted up to his. “Eh?”

Mingyu let go of her hand and was turning to leave. “It’s not good for the costumers’ hearts.” he waved to her as he pushed the door open, knowing he had scored regardless of the foul play.

 

He looked at the address, realizing he knew the place, kind of.

He tossed the paper in the trash-bin, _where it belongs_ he thought to himself.

He looked at his watch, it stated twelve past twelve, if the guy -and that was a huge if- had left when they saw the last of him, he would have over an hour head-start, presuming he went straight home of course. Mingyu found a nearby park when he was two blocks away from his destination, he got his sketch out from his bag. The park was mildly crowded; it was a nice weather considering it was the first day in August. He flipped the papers until he had reached the one he wanted: the faceless chap.

He started trying to add features, but as usual, he had pathetically failed. How long has it been? How many years has this miserably incapacitated him?

He let go of it, someday he would draw the face, now he had to focus on his objective. Mingyu started looking at his left arm, he traced the chains with his finger. “This will need a change soon, I see.” He smiled, gathered his stuff and walked as slow as his sporty feet could manage towards the building. He even passed in the middle of the kids and a group of them wanted to play with him. Having been in relatively high spirits, he had stopped and played for a short while with them then gently brushed them off.

Kim Mingyu also known as kids’ magnet.

Mingyu was never happier he crossed the park safely. “Fucking kids!” He said with a fake amused smile.

 

Mingyu reached the compound and climbed the stairs up to the third floor. The room read ‘1004’ just fine, yet, he stood there staring at the plate blankly. He leaned next to the door and crossed his arms.

_If I knock now and he opens, I’ll start something I don’t want to start,_ he started tackling down his thoughts. _If I left, I’ll never pipe down. I’ll never approach him later and I’ll simply be in this loop forever: visit him and chicken out._

A lot was going through Mingyu’s head in those few minutes he was standing there, _I have done this many times before, yet, I don’t feel safe about this._

Mingyu finally decided to count to ten and let his body make the call, he started thinking about knocking or leaving then started counting to ten, at the tenth count, his knuckles hit the door, twice, thrice in a row, only to be received by silence. He waited thirty seconds before he knocked again, but he got nothing.  
Absolutely nothing, he smiled to himself. “You!” Mingyu could come up with at least fifty-something notorious adjectives to decorate that lonely ‘you’.

 

Mingyu climbed down the stairs, when he was turning the corner, he passed a figure he had seen often, raven black hair that covered a ghostly pale nape. He stopped and looked back at the walking figure.

Seconds later, Mingyu simply began to walk again, a wide grin that none of the people who dealt with Mingyu had seen spread across his face.

_He knows._ Was the only thought haunting Mingyu till he finally reached his own fancy compound. _He thought ahead of me and he let me know, well played._

_Sorry, but I don’t lose._  
Nothing flared Mingyu up more than that. He would return later and he would have to deal with him soon enough.

 

As soon as Mingyu entered his apartment, he headed for his desk and took a bottle of red ink and enthusiastically he started adding an angel to his left arm and a few words to the chain.

_It has begun._

His grin getting wider and wider as his mouth held the ink’s lid.

 

 

****

****

It’s been three days since Mingyu’s attempt to ‘ambush’ Wonwoo. Mingyu returned as a night-owl costumer once again; he didn’t show up for two consecutive nights; but on the third night, he finally made an appearance in the restaurant ordering a Gin in the bar’s section. The best thing about that restaurant was that it was a bundle deal; you can eat, drink and get drunk. It was no surprise it was so well-known. And they played undeniably soothing jazz music three nights a week.

 

Wonwoo was waiting to take the order of a certain table; he was leaning on the flip-door’s edge with the empty tray held loosely, intently staring at the guy in the black leather jacket and red plain tee who was sitting alone in the bar. Wonwoo’s eyes were mesmerized most by his tattoos, he had seen him pretty often but the tone of his colours keeps getting darker each time, the patent contrast between the colours and his slightly sun-kissed skin was unmistakable. Wonwoo wondered how many strong shots it would take to knock this wild guy out, he guessed that whatever the number was, it would be so high he can never guess right.

However, a strong urge called to him so strongly to mess with him a bit.

Wonwoo checked his watch, his shift ended in thirteen minutes, but he wasn’t yet to leave. His eyes scanned the room for Heechul, Wonwoo gestured to the staff room with his head while smiling and pointing to the clock, Heechul nodded and Wonwoo disappeared into the staff room.

When Wonwoo appeared almost twenty minutes later, he was on stage with the group who played the comforting tunes. He talked briefly with the guitarist who bid everyone farewell silently and then Wonwoo took his place as if no interruption ever occurred. Wonwoo adjusted his jazz guitar quickly as he crossed his legs and soon he was in perfect harmony with the rest.  
His eyes never left Mingyu’s back ever since he got on stage. It didn’t take much time till he found his eyes projecting the sight of Mingyu putting on his jacket and leaving; he couldn’t make out where Mingyu’s companion, his sketch, was. He smiled a little but never broke the tune. The clock stated that he had one more hour before midnight; before he could be dismissed.

 

For the first time in a long time, Wonwoo was in a rush to leave after being on ‘stage’.

“Do you have a date or something?” One of the staff, Yugyeom, teased him.

“More or less.” Wonwoo said then stuck out his tongue, he truly enjoyed working here. A girl, Hyuna, started mumbling something about how inadequate of a boyfriend Wonwoo must be as she unwrapped a lollipop. The room was in quite an uproar as they waited to deliver the orders, Wonwoo passed Hyuna, taking the lollipop before it reached her lips. “I’ll consider this an apology.” He said and he printed a kiss on her cheek before he passed through the door.

“Hai, hai.” Hyuna said not in the least surprised by his actions. Everyone –including Heechul- had gotten used to this fling.

 

Wonwoo was only half truthful, he did have a date, but it all depended on how he played it out. Across the street was where Wonwoo’s group of friends decided to meet up. While he was crossing the street, shuddering a bit as the wind blew, his eyes caught Mingyu whose red T-shirt was blatantly obvious in the dark. He seemed, like always, to be lost in thought as he was concentrating on something he needed to draw.

_‘This guy’s playbook.’_ Wonwoo often referred to Mingyu’s sketch in the breaks in the staff’s room which was always a place for gossip. Ironically, no one knew Mingyu’s first name, what was even funnier was that, Wonwoo never served a damn thing to Mingyu.  
Wonwoo smiled and shook his head then he reached the other part of the street, a guy came out of nowhere and clung on to his arm.

“Won-woo.” The guy said playfully, making Wonwoo’s name sound as it owned plenty of syllables, he seemed like the kind of happy guys when drunk, which for all Wonwoo knew, he was. Wonwoo only responded with a hearty laugh as he let himself be dragged into the dancing club. Just then, they were joined with two girls and another guy. They were all twenty-something, Wonwoo stood out nonetheless; he wore tight navy blue jeans and sky blue T-shirt, in spite of the tight T-shirt was tightly hugging his muscles.

 

When they were in, they guy who was still clinging to Wonwoo’s arm –Taehyung- took off the beanie Wonwoo was wearing, he started to moan something out.

“You shouldn’t cover such a pretty hair!” He said then started moving with the rhythm as though drunkly enchanted, trying to shake Wonwoo with him, which succeeded.

“Yes!” Exclaimed one of the girls.

“Wonwoo’s hair is very pretty.” The other one added as they took a table. Wonwoo forced a smile then took back his beanie as calmly as he could.

He was about to sit then midway he stood up straight and said, “I’ll order all of us normal drinks tonight, but first let me do something.” On stating that, he flashed his perfect set of teeth again.

Wonwoo did nothing in life but laugh.

“Dammit, you and your blinding smile, Jeon.” the second guy, Jackson, said.

“I know you are head over heels for me, Jackson, I’ll make sure to find some time for you later,” Wonwoo blew a kiss in the air to be received by the grossed out shivering Jackson.

“More like a captivating smile.” The older girl, Hyorin, said just before Wonwoo turned on his heels and left.

 

Wonwoo went to the bar and ordered two light –neon coloured- drinks then headed out of the club with them in hand, crossing the street. He got out the lollipop from his pocket and started sucking on it as he walked slowly to Mingyu’s table, Mingyu who wasn’t facing him and Wonwoo doubted Mingyu would notice him even if he was in his line of sight. He knew by experience this guy was a goner once he spaced out and started tapping his pencil.

Wonwoo sat in the empty seat on the other side of the table, he cleared his throat, not to grab Mingyu’s attention, just a habit of his. “It’s against the law you know, you could have just asked me.”

Mingyu looked up from his sketch and raised his eyebrows at Wonwoo. “I’d rather not get a lecture from someone like you, thank you.” Mingyu’s hand automatically extended to the drink in Wonwoo’s left and started stirring it with the straw. Mingyu’s head was resting on the heel of his left hand. “And I don’t remember asking you to keep me company…”

Wonwoo just cocked his head to the side like a bird and kept sucking the lollipop, amused. “What? You can’t have gotten bored of me from _just_ watching.” Wonwoo was making circles with his finger on the glass’s rim.

Mingyu shrugged. “Sorry, I’m not interested in the time being.” He put the sketch on the table, opened on the same page he had been struggling with for ages now.

Wonwoo half-carried-half-pushed his chair till he was sitting literally glued to Mingyu’s chair, he pointed to the empty face. The doodle was of a guy with a guitar, he looked in peace with the environment, everything was drawn to the last minute detail, the rest of the crew, the background, the wrinkles in the clothes, the almost invisible beads of sweat, and only one guy seemed to be the centre of the drawing, he stood out despite the empty air about him, the picture looked vivid, you can almost feel the music bumping from the paper, it was alive, except for the fact the featureless guy was … featureless.

Wonwoo studied it with unmitigated fascination, Mingyu watched him with a blank expression, waiting, anticipating, calculating.

“Why didn’t you finish this?” Wonwoo asked with a less sultry tone than his normal one that matched his looks, it made him sound comparatively serious.

Mingyu looked away, “Why were you avoiding me?” He asked casually.

“Why didn’t you seek me more seriously?” Wonwoo missed no beat, it was as if it were something he had practiced saying dozens of times.

“Fair enough.” Mingyu took long gulps from his drink and looked onward while Wonwoo flipped through the pages, pausing every now and then to examine the drawings, this sketch had the same featureless guy over and over again but one drawing caught his attention and he looked at it attentively. It was the same guy –to his imagination- but with angelic wings, they looked broken, the guy seemed to be shying away from himself, Mingyu didn’t use any colours in any of the drawings, yet Wonwoo felt the crude lines spoke loud enough, the drawing gave an evidently painful air.

Wonwoo tried to laugh but it came out like a choking sound. “I thought the featureless guy was me.” Wonwoo could feel Mingyu’s gaze on his face, however, he didn’t turn his face.

“Only the singing band.” Concise, sharp yet coated was Mingyu’s answer.

 

Mingyu has finished his drink, he finally smiled and looked at Wonwoo mischievously. “Say, why did you come here?” Then he pushed Wonwoo’s head inward to the table and he, as well, leaned in. “I’m not saying you have any inclination to make contact with a freak who you never talked to, but you deliberately fed poor Nayeon-yang wrong info to sell me, why would you go as far?” Mingyu was still pressing on Wonwoo’s neck to keep his head down, regardless Wonwoo didn’t mind the violent gesture.

“Why did you wait for me?” Wonwoo replied.

“Is one of your habits answering a question with another?”

“I don’t know, you tell me, is it?” Wonwoo answered monotonously, neither of them was looking at the other. 

Mingyu let go of Wonwoo’s head.

“Isn’t that the time when you offer me your number?” Mingyu smiled wryly, he was enjoying himself and Wonwoo clearly detected that.

“Why’d I?” Wonwoo smiled, and boy, it was genuine.

“Because you want to…” Mingyu said simply, confidently.

“Because you asked to…?” Wonwoo stood up, “What’s your name anyways?”

Mingyu laughed joylessly. “You seriously don’t know?” It wasn’t a question.

“I know none of your laughs are sincere, that’s enough for me.” Wonwoo smirked.

Wonwoo watched Mingyu’s dull black eyes reflect the light of the street like a burning fire.

“Kim Mingyu, you’ll have to know that.” Mingyu extended his hand and his hand wasn’t met by a paper, he looked at Wonwoo whose lips held the pen’s lid, he knew what was going to happen next.

Mingyu felt the pen moving against his palm. “Alas, here you go, Gyu.” Wonwoo’s smile reached his eyes “And red is too fierce for you dark eyes, it doesn’t make them look translucent.” He proceeded.

Mingyu lifted one eyebrow “Gyu…” It had been forever since someone called him _Gyu._

Wonwoo pushed the other drink in front of Mingyu. He started walking backwards his hands behind his back with a very impish smile that his swinging hair didn’t overlay, Mingyu watched him, still pretty much amused.

“My name is-” Wonwoo began as he was still walking backwards, but this time he was crossing the street.

“I didn’t ask for your name.” Mingyu cut him gesturing to Wonwoo’s right with his head, there was a car. Wonwoo instantly turned around and jumped a few steps back, barely getting out unscathed, the unpleased horn was plainly heard. Mingyu laughed, and from across the street, Wonwoo too echoed his laugh, for some reason it had struck him as funny that he made Kim Mingyu truly laugh.

He put his hand next to his mouth, to make the sound amplify. “I wasn’t going to tell you my name, the tissue under the glass has both my address and number, not that you need either.”

Wonwoo’s smile took a shady tone. It took Mingyu a few seconds to make out what happened. He made a face and quickly looked at his palm.

_‘Jeon Wonwoo, remember that.’_ was written on it.

Wonwoo watched as Mingyu made a face, not in the least irritated. Wonwoo could almost Mingyu’s thoughts, he knew nothing beguiled him more than the fact Wonwoo knew how to play, and that kept things interesting.

 

_Kim Mingyu, what an interesting game this would be._

 

****

Mingyu was examining the ink on his hand, something touched his body that wasn’t of his own creation.

_Jeon Wonwoo, you are digging your own grave._

And it might have potentially been Mingyu’s as well.

Mingyu had thrown one last glance at his apartment before he picked up his bag, turned off the lights and left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been aching to write this for so long, I initially got into svt because of this ship AND FUCKING SOONHOON and both have successfully paved their way to the top of my OTP list, anyhow. This story is probably going to be long, idk how fanfics operate but I think 8K for a chapter is too long?  
> Maybe next chapters will be shorter. Quick update???  
> But slow build, man. I'm very lengthy on paper.  
> Thanks for tolerating, hoping you enjoyed reading it (sorry if I disappointed you?) comments are much appreciated xx


	2. En Passant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I keep writing long updates? I wish I could someday answer this question tbh  
> Anyhow, meanie is so fun to write, so have fun reading xx

****

****

****

Wonwoo’s days were more inconsistent than Mingyu’s, after he had given his phone address to Mingyu, the latter didn’t even show up in the restaurant for nearly a month. Wonwoo made no contact nonetheless, not that he had Mingyu’s number or knew anything about the guy, but Wonwoo knew too well he wouldn’t have to break a sweat to get the number.  
As for how he spent his days, well, there was no one who applied the motto _Live today as if you die tomorrow_ like Wonwoo did, and that made his social network like that of a Mafia Boss and his sex life like that of a host.

Wonwoo didn’t feel like going to his morning shift, it was the first day he skipped in August he felt lively and he needed to release his energy _inhibitions are bad for health_ he always thought. There was a green area three blocks east of _Diamond;_ it was just to be seen and it was considered a ‘sight’ for tourists. Wonwoo had been working there for a decent three years now and he was familiar with the area. A big tree with strong branches was in the furthest corner in the area, it was nearly three meters high and regardless of being old its roots were unquestionably strong, it had been there since people could remember with its dense yellowish green leaves, there was some unmistakable charm about it. This tree specifically was off limits however there were never any guards there.

Wonwoo never liked restrictions or rules.

He made his way up the tree, putting each foot in the most convenient place as he was forced to learn then he sat on a branch at the top, making sure it was a blind spot; he rested his back on the main inner branch and stretched one leg in front of him as the other lied dangling to the side. Wonwoo didn’t particularly have any idea what to do, he was just killing time, he wanted some quality time that he went as far as to stand out his date the day before and cancelling lunch with a group of friends that evening. He started to wistfully think of Mingyu, he wanted to talk to him, it was an urge he couldn’t stifle, it was as strong as thirst or hunger.

 

Wonwoo’s eye sight was fairly good, he could see the area pretty well. He started prying on people, secretly making funny scenarios of what could be happening. He kept himself preoccupied for thirty minutes then he got bored, again Mingyu crossed his mind, but this time for a reason.

There was a group of young-men with drawing sketches passing, art students judging from the miserable state of their clothes, they all looked paint-splotched and had this college-mess air to them. But one guy stood out clearly.

Sneering, Wonwoo shifted his body weight to one branch only and sat with both of his legs dangling supporting his weight using both of his hands that used to be at his sides. He could spot Mingyu even if he were in a crowd of million; the tattoos on Mingyu’s arm had a distinct sight, after having seen Mingyu’s sketch, the tattoos had a feeling they were made by someone who had known him for long, the style felt similar although Wonwoo didn’t see anything animate in the sketch –unless you consider the faceless guy animate- .

He couldn’t make out his features, naturally, but one thing was as clear as the sun, _the_ look on his face. They were walking his direction. Wonwoo let himself fall to the branch below him, a distance estimated to be one meter, his beanie got caught in a smaller branch, and he broke the branch while retrieving it, a lot of leaves stuck to it and to Wonwoo’s hair. He crouched on the branch, feeling the threat of it breaking, he decided to jump and so he did. Landing in a cat’s-crouch-pose, he paused for a second to stabilize himself with his right hand then he stood up, fixing his clothes and taking off the beanie to take out the leaves then putting it on again.

Luckily, Wonwoo knew a shortcut where he could come across Mingyu and his group of friends without looking like he had ambushed them. He ran across the park in the opposite direction he came from, getting a good head-start before he could be spotted from the long street’s end. Just as he reached the street, they had just taken the turn that would make the two parties meet if both walked in a straight line.

Wonwoo started walking with one end of his lips tugged upwards and his eyes were solely fixated on Mingyu’s face who –for a change- didn’t have his sketch or his bag in general. He wore a pair of dark blue jeans and a white shirt was beneath his opened brown blazer, Wonwoo thought this was his attempt of looking formal.

Thirteen meters before Wonwoo would meet him, Mingyu had finally seen Wonwoo, he didn’t acknowledge him nonetheless, he was occupied with the group, talking to them with some subtle superiority Wonwoo assumed he was their chaperon or something since they all had the art-thingie in common.

 

“Hello!” Wonwoo said with a bright smile directed to everyone but Mingyu as he forced them to stop on standing in front of them, their chatter died down and the five of them –excluding Mingyu of course- looked at Wonwoo quizzically.

“Hyung, do you know this guy?” A guy with unnaturally blonde hair asked, smiling at Wonwoo who answered by extending his arm for a handshake as he stepped in between Mingyu and the blond guy.

“I’m Jeon Wonwoo, nice to meet you. He’ll probably deny knowing me.” He jerked a thumb at Mingyu. They all nodded in acknowledgement. Wonwoo threw a quick glance at Mingyu whose expression didn’t change from the perfect annoying mask of composure, his hair was pushed back now, _that_ expression quadrupled his irritation.  
“And I’ll be borrowing this guy for a while.” He took Mingyu’s arm and practically hugged it near his torso as both of his hands took it in. Mingyu didn’t seem surprised, his heeds of protests would probably be neglected, better not waste his breath.

Before he was half-dragged by Wonwoo to the direction he just came from he had said, “You proceed to the university. We are done for the day. We’ll meet tomorrow or something, check your E-mails later at night.” And he waved to them and they didn’t find anything else to do but nod, not that they had much of a choice.

Mingyu stopped after he took the turn again and took an autumn leaf out of Wonwoo’s hair then laughed, and by laugh it meant Mingyu’s definition of the word ‘laugh’.

“I’ll forgive you for not making contact with me for a month, you don’t have to apologize.” Wonwoo started nodding as he turned to face Mingyu.  
In broad day light, there stood two guys in their twenties, facing each other in the middle of the street (well, pavement) as people passed them by, with expressions of kindergarten kids on their faces; Mingyu’s mask was broken into a grimace.

“The only reason I still haven’t kicked your ass for the grand entrance earlier is that I needed a break from all of that.” Mingyu reached to his jacket pocket and got out a pack of cigarettes, he took one out and lighted it up without offering Wonwoo a cigarette.

Wonwoo watched him in sheer entertainment. “I have never seen you smoke.”

“I don’t smoke. I confiscated it from one of my juniors.” He let out a ring of smoke and proceeded walking.

“Ever heard of practice what you preach?” Wonwoo asked and walked side to side with Mingyu who simply smiled then blew some of the smoke at Wonwoo’s face.

“What do you want?”

“Your company.”

“Were you following me?”

“Don’t get so self-important on me.” Wonwoo groaned. Mingyu stopped walking for a second, opened his mouth to say something but decided against it eventually.  “Come on, Mingyu-yah, aren’t we friends?” Wonwoo asked like a little kid making sure he owned a toy before he broke it.  
Mingyu stopped and put his hand on Wonwoo’s shoulder, his lips slowly formed a _No_ as he shook his head in mock sympathy.  
“That was rhetorical by the way.” Wonwoo jerked Mingyu’s hand away and started walking.

 

“Take me to a theme-park.” Wonwoo suddenly said after nonsensical childish banter-chatter, sounding perky after the few seconds of silence.

“What?” Mingyu’s smoke inhale was cut by this insane proposition.

“You heard me, theme-park, you and I, now. Where there’s candy, ferries wheels, roller coasters and carts and such … fun I’m telling you.”

Mingyu put off his cigarette with his finger, Wonwoo had to wince at that.

“You are not taking no for an answer,” he began, stating the facts to himself but Wonwoo nodded stifling a smile, “And I made a point of never wasting time on pointless arguments,”

Wonwoo waited, he knew he had already won.

“I’m not entitled to deal with you, yet it’s only fair if I-” Mingyu stopped abruptly as if he had snapped back to the mortal world, and he looked into Wonwoo’s eyes then smiled crookedly. “We have not met before, right?” He asked blankly.

The question had struck Wonwoo as most eccentric, yet it felt that if he thought longer about it he would be on the cusp of something. He creased his eyebrows and shook his head. “Do I look familiar?”

Mingyu laughed for the first time; he grabbed Wonwoo’s hand and declared that they are walking to the park.

 

Wonwoo’s inbuilt ability to remain carefree couldn’t overpower the fact his image of Mingyu was that of someone who didn’t waste time on either pointless arguments or pointless questions. And that seemed like a problem.

****

\----

****

“You are paying for yourself.” Mingyu informed Wonwoo just as they passed the park’s gate; it was Monday and it was past two in the afternoon so the park was everything but crowded.

“Why am I not surprised.” Wonwoo scanned the place with his eyes, trying to decide where to go first.

 

“You could have suggested a different place,” Mingyu said absent-mindedly as he paid for cotton candy, surprisingly, he had treated Wonwoo.

“Nah! This’s cool, besides, I’m sure we’ll get back here someday.” He tilted his head so he could take a bite without the candy sticking to his lush hair. “You never asked me why I chose you specifically,” he nudged Mingyu and pointed to the bumping cars.

“Killing time; I’m your new toy I assume.” Mingyu replied simply, walking towards the cars.

“You are half correct, the rest of the story goes like you piqued my interest, I think I like you, Gyu.”

Mingyu looked straight into Wonwoo’s eyes before reacting. “You don’t even know me.”

“I _will_ get to know you …better.”

He paused to take another bite from the fluffy sugary stuff but Mingyu didn’t give him the chance as he said, “Guess I’ll just try to have fun, let’s go.”

They reached the specified area, each paid for his ticket “I hope your body has healed by now.” Mingyu whispered in Wonwoo’s ear with a playful smile spreading across his face.

Wonwoo was never one who minded being teased.

 

“You seem to be having fun.” Wonwoo shouted from across as he bumped into some kid, Mingyu had just avoided bumping into a young female who had a younger girl (presumably her sister) in the seat beside her.

“If I’m already here, better just enjoy myself.” He shouted back at Wonwoo.

It was over after fifteen minutes, Wonwoo’s groans of objections were plain heard he almost fought with a younger boy who called Wonwoo a ‘kid’ when he heard him complaining. Mingyu literally had to drag him, drawing more attention to them.

“You should have let me teach that brat a lesson!” Wonwoo said after Mingyu released him.

“What are you? Thirteen?” Mingyu asked incredulously, pushing a few strands that fell on his face during the struggle to restrain Wonwoo.

Wonwoo just cocked his head to the side innocently as if it were a hard question, for the first time, Wonwoo was witnessing Mingyu laugh. “What?”

“Nothing.” Mingyu rubbed his eye with the back of his hand and hit Wonwoo’s back to urge him to move.

Next was the shooting gallery, Mingyu went for the darts while Wonwoo used the gun, they both traded their winning tickets for more sweets. Although Mingyu’s ticket was of more value and Wonwoo basically begged him to have the scary-looking big rabbit, it was intended to look as if it was ragged but ended up looking utterly scary.

“You are not my girlfriend, piss off.” Mingyu argued then pushed Wonwoo’s face away from his with his hand and demanded the cute rabbit which he gave to a younger girl near him. It was the same little girl in the car back then, her companion thanked him genuinely.

Wonwoo pouted. “What? Are you a lollicon or something?”

“Excuse you!”

“First it was my daughter, then this girl, is that why you are not interested in me?” Wonwoo was blabbing.

“Wait what?” Mingyu stopped Wonwoo by the shoulder, he had no clue what on earth this guy was saying, but he felt like punching his face.

“I’m saying you like little girls-” Wonwoo repeated.

“No, not that, about Tzuyu,” Mingyu was looking straight forward, as if he weren’t seeing Wonwoo, but concentrating on something, calculating… again.

“Oh!” Wonwoo said. “I see!” His grin got wider, threatening of impish harmless plotting. “That little girl who nagged you back then, her name is Tzuyu, she’s four, I had her when I was in college, the cute guy with her is her uncle, who is my ex-girlfriend’s -also Tzuyu’s mother- brother. It’s your fault for never asking how old I am.” Wonwoo seemed smug about his partial lie.

Mingyu sighed. “Nice. Let’s go.” And without a further word he continued walking.

Wonwoo stood flabbergasted; he had just dropped a bomb yet it seemed to have been dexterously dismantled.

“That’s it? You are saying nothing?” He shouted after him.

Mingyu looked over his shoulder, smirking. “I’m leaving you.” He wasn’t bluffing and he was already twenty meters ahead.

Wonwoo stomped his right foot on the ground and half jogged to catch up with Mingyu. Cursing with some secret joy hidden beneath his words.  


The Ghost House was their next station, Mingyu was getting more and more used to Wonwoo’s playfulness and his knack for trying to play on his nerves, while Wonwoo was hiding his irritation at the fact he was hardly able to deal with Mingyu. The Ghost House was nothing scary, Wonwoo didn’t waste a chance to react like a scared little girl nonetheless, he was called ‘fake’ by Mingyu.

“Shaddup, Ahjussi.” Wonwoo stuck out his tongue at Mingyu and closed his eyes however he got the chance to seeing the grin on Mingyu’s lips before they shut close.

“Let’s go to the Round Up,” Mingyu suggested.

“It’s refreshing to see you suggest something.” He wasn’t really surprised.

“How many times do I have to repeat myself, I plan to enjoy myself, now walk.” This time, Mingyu was pushing Wonwoo who felt subtle gratification seeing Mingyu in that state.

As soon as the ride was over, Mingyu had regretted it, Wonwoo’s face was green, he looked as if he were going to vomit for he was already staggering.

“Shit!” Mingyu said and left to buy something that could guarantee a paper back. When he was back, Wonwoo had already got his cool back. “You never said you’d get vertigo…”

“Are you feeling guilty?” Wonwoo leaned on Mingyu’s shoulder.

“As if.” He jerked Wonwoo’s head off, “Let’s leave.”

“No!” Wonwoo adapted a hurt air. “There’s still the Roller Coaster, I have saved it for last. Move your feet.”

“You’ll owe me a Bumper Boat ride then.”

Wonwoo sensed a compromise. “Fine by me, I’ll even pay for it and Enterprise, let’s finish those before the Roller Coaster.” Wonwoo was smiling boyishly now.

“Are you a masochist? Weren’t you about to throw up just a few minutes ago?”

“I’m already over that, let’s go. Come on!” Wonwoo was starting to let out louder groans that Mingyu had to consent.

 

During the Enterprise ride, Mingyu was having a blast from seeing Wonwoo’s green sick face, he was trying to smile but it was in vain.

“Don’t be so happy, if I throw up, it’s your outfit that’s going to be messed up.” He narrowed his eyes and that was enough to make Mingyu at least try to suppress the amused grin.

 

Wonwoo had to sit down for a bit after their ride. “Seemingly old habits die hard.” he muttered.

“Funny to hear someone like you saying so,” Mingyu sat beside him.

Wonwoo side-eyed him. “I’ll ignore that but it’s true, I don’t recall any of my habits or pet peeves and so changing ever since I was a teenager. There was that one person who always teased me about it.” He smiled in a way that struck as wistful.

“No need to be offended, you are one of the most whimsical people I have come across, it’s a fact, not an insult.”

“Is that so?” Wonwoo started tapping his leg.

“Yes. Proof is I’m here right now, this is how whimsical you are.”

They both dropped the subject, sitting in silence for a while, neither of them put out of their comfort zone by the alleged awkwardness. It seemed like silence was acceptable.

 

 “Hey!” Mingyu elbowed him; pointing to candy apple kiosk. “I can overlook the Bumper Boat if you buy me one of these.”

“Since when do you have a sweet tooth?” Wonwoo was shocked, and he thought he was the one with inexplicable love of sweets.

“Since when are you able to use _‘since when’_ when you are talking to me?” Mingyu said with much more coldness than he intended.

Wonwoo raised both of his hands in the air defensively, shook his head, shrugged then started walking to the kiosk.

Wonwoo knew Mingyu didn’t regret that.

“Here you go.” Wonwoo’s grin was back, he handed the apple-candy to Mingyu absent-mindedly then took out his phone.

“I dislike-” Mingyu began as he took the apple but he was cut mid-sentence.

“Look nine o’clock, there’s this girl who’s staring at you,” Wonwoo said leaning lightly on Mingyu.

“It doesn’t matter, she can stare all she wants, I was saying-”

“Just look.” He repeated impatiently and Mingyu obeyed. He was surprised to find that a girl was really looking, he thought it was one of Wonwoo’s games. He only turned back when his hand felt a light pressure and he heard Wonwoo’s chuckles, he processed the situation quickly, the apple was bitten and Wonwoo was still fiddling with his phone. “You are a natural.” He said flipping the phone’s screen towards Mingyu.   
Wonwoo had taken a picture of himself biting the apple as Mingyu was looking to the side. The picture looked … _normal._ Mingyu couldn’t help but smile.

Wonwoo hesitated, mesmerized by the picture, he then said, “Your tattoos, they’re beautiful.” He paused, gambling. “What secrets do they hide?”

Mingyu laughed. Even if Wonwoo didn’t get an answer it was always worth anything to hear that harmonic sound.

“A not so beautiful thing.” Mingyu replied.

“A tragedy?” Wonwoo teased, hoping against hope it would stay within the limitations of a joke.

“Whatever, secrets keep people interesting.” Mingyu was smirking.

“I could swear I would have said the exact same thing about tragedies.” He said and found himself falling into a halt.

Only after he had said so did Wonwoo realize it was a mistake. Something about Mingyu’s unwavering expression and smug smirk changing indicated he had seen an undesirable change on Wonwoo’s face. Mingyu turned, he was standing two paces away, facing him.

“You’re awfully …erm,” Mingyu couldn’t find the right word. “nice.”

It was clearly not the word Mingyu was looking for but Wonwoo felt like it was okay to leave things at that. He was going to say something witty then Mingyu’s hands grabbed his hand and entwined it with his own, only then did he experience the feeling of walking on air.

“And you’re awfully nice for our little make believe.” Wonwoo hoped that looking into Mingyu’s face while saying such a thing would make him sound less serious. He tried reading his unreadable expression as the heat of Mingyu’s hand was slipping into his every inch, or maybe it was only on Wonwoo’s part.

“Let’s hurry, it’s getting late.” He said with a tone Wonwoo suspected alien. However, he only nodded and they started walking.

Mingyu didn’t touch the candy apple after that.

 

“Please, no one moves during the ride, make sure the bars are tightly locked…” The instructions went on from the speakers as the bars started moving down to lock from upwards, each seat on the train was taken. They sat in the last vehicle, Wonwoo to the left and Mingyu to the right.

“Are you sure your heart can take this?” Mingyu asked for the first time.

“I’m amazed you can show some care.” Wonwoo teased making Mingyu scoff.

“It would be troublesome if something happened to you, I have work to finish.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“You got vertigo from simplest stuff, this is the adults’ roller coaster, the ride is long and it has many loops and inclines and high-speed sections and dive drops-” Mingyu was deliberately stating the risks. Wonwoo was hatless now and could feel a light pressure behind him.

“I know, thank you, I’ll be fine.” Wonwoo replied firmly. Mingyu shrugged and he looked at the safety guards, they didn’t seem that tight to Wonwoo, but it was enough.

The train started to move.

 

It started climbing up the first slope, then accelerating as it went down and the screams started, a loop, a pretzel knot, you can detect Wonwoo’s screams among other screams, maybe Mingyu’s once or twice too. Another incline, louder screams, Wonwoo was having fun, a top cap then a twisted roll, then they got in a dark tunnel. The tunnel was long and it ended with a spin, even with the train’s unbelievable speed, it would take at least eighty seconds to get out of.

Wonwoo threw a side-glance at Mingyu who was silent almost all the time; he couldn’t grasp how someone could stay composed with this incredible amount of thrill. He wasn’t sure if the darkness was an element or it was his mind playing games, but Mingyu seemed to tense; looking forward, motionless and something was essentially out of place. Wonwoo’s hand crawled to Mingyu’s, ‘cold’ would be an oversimplification to how Mingyu’s hand felt, it was sweaty nonetheless. Calling out to him is useless in spite of the noise and Wonwoo doubted Mingyu could hear him either ways.

Quickly, Wonwoo estimated they had about fifty seconds before they reach the spin, he had never been grateful for his physical attribute as he was back then. Something was glowing to his side, he didn’t have time to care about that though.

He could feel his beanie behind him, he had his stuffed-trophy in the beanie and used the paper bag he put in his pocket earlier, he was glad he had it there even though that wasn’t his motive, not really. He pressed his body against it, feeling it slip then he himself slipped from under the safe-guard. He put his left hand on Mingyu’s eyes; he could feel a shiver course through his hand, his other hand clasped to Mingyu’s, holding it tightly, reassuringly. He threw a glance at Mingyu’s left hand, hesitated then he pressed his lips to Mingyu’s.

 

Wonwoo felt Mingyu stiffen at first, then his body grew loose, he didn’t kiss him back, but Wonwoo’s goal was achieved, he wasn’t sure of the cause but he could take a guess, he knew too damn well whatever was happening to Mingyu right now wouldn’t go away with just a kiss, but he couldn’t come up with something else. The light at the end of the tunnel drew nearer.

“It’s alright.” Wonwoo whispered, not sure to who, he broke off but didn’t let go of Mingyu’s hand; which was clutching Wonwoo’s hand now in return. Wonwoo slipped back to his place.  
The rest of the ride went smoothly, as smoothly as the word could get after that. Neither Mingyu nor Wonwoo said a word, the latter was still screaming every now and then with the crowd and the former was back to his normal occasional screaming and the colour was back to his face.

The train halted after thirty minutes of crazy excitement, they got off.

“That was amazing!” Wonwoo cried. Mingyu was staring far off, Wonwoo suspected he was admiring the sun, not walking yet grasping Wonwoo’s hand tightly still. The sun was setting, it drenched its surroundings in duskish red, looking pretty beyond words, flowing with the faint rays of nightfall.

Wonwoo was still talking gibberish, he was dragged along as Mingyu marched forward. He had faintly mouthed objections and questions. Mingyu didn’t stop until they had reached a relatively hidden alley. He threw Wonwoo against the wall, Wonwoo rebounded a bit despite the unintentional force.

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu began, using Wonwoo’s name for the first time; it startled Wonwoo and he became alert, he tried to smile though. “Why did you kiss me back then?” he asked, he seemed anxious, however, the _calculating_ look that usually shadowed his face seemed to be lingering there.

“You seemed like someone who saw death, I had to get you back somehow.” Wonwoo was surprised at his own answer. Mingyu’s left forearm hit the wall just right next to Wonwoo’s hair, he stifled a gasp, glanced at the tattoos on Mingyu arm and his heart started beating faster, his nervousness grew more livid. Wonwoo could feel Mingyu’s breath against his face, it was hot and rapid, he looked angry.

He knew what was to happen, and he would kill to get out of this situation.

Mingyu started kissing Wonwoo. And Wonwoo was utterly helpless. He broke away, turning his face to the right and closing his lips.

“Get away from me.” He said in a low serious voice.

Mingyu said nothing. He went for another kiss, at first Wonwoo did kiss him back but soon was pushing Mingyu with enough force the latter had to take a step back.

“I said get away from me.” Wonwoo was aware this sounded insane, he just kissed him in the roller coaster and there he was standing refusing to be kissed and objecting to what could potentially follow.

He also knew he was too damned justified.

Mingyu pinned both of Wonwoo’s hands to the wall and he kissed him again, deeper, longer, Wonwoo lost himself for a moment, then he drove his knee into Mingyu’s abdomen.

“You know what,” he hissed, “I should have left you struggling back then, alone with your nightmares.”

Mingyu was doubled over, he was over that quickly and he stood tall again, with _that_ look on his face as usual.

“Don’t you fucking touch me.” He spat as he passed Mingyu.

Mingyu watched Wonwoo’s back disappear in the crowd. He touched his lips with his finger, it was bleeding.

Wonwoo threw one last look before he completely vanished, he saw Mingyu spitting the blood, then started walking.

Mingyu was smirking. Wonwoo shook his head.

 

****

****

Mingyu had woken up the next day to his phone ringing, he checked the clock before picking up, it was fucking seven in the fucking morning. The caller ID read as Kim. He made a face and picked the line.

“What do you want?” He asked in a monotonous voice.

“That’s not a way to talk to someone, Gyu.” The person on the other side said. Mingyu didn’t reply. “How are you?”

“If you don’t want anything, I’m hanging up.” Mingyu hung up. He groaned and tried to go back to sleep. His phone rang again, he cursed himself for not muting at least. He put the pillow on his face and he clenched to it, suffocating himself with it. It seemed like the rings were getting louder. His temper meter blasted and he picked up the phone once more.

“What the fuck do you want? I told you never to call me again.” Mingyu spat.

“I’m your mother, I do whatever I think is for your benefit.” She said.

Mingyu sneered. _What a good day to act motherly._

“Mingyu, what’s wrong with you? Why did you quit, your father wouldn’t be happy about that.”

“Good thing he’s dead then, please make this short, I don’t feel like talking to anyone specifically not you.” Mingyu yawned.

“I want your wellbeing, you don’t do well on your own, it’s been almost a year now, please come back home, Gyu.”

Mingyu hated his name. Mingyu hated the person who had given him this name.

“I thought Mingyu came back for three goddamn weeks to settle things.” Mingyu mocked his mother. “I have no intention of returning, let me be and don’t call me ever again, I don’t want anything to do with you. Goodbye.”

“But Ming-“

Mingyu cut the line and buried himself under the pillow again. _Old annoying hag let me be already._

He dozed off for twenty minutes then realized his hopes of getting back to sleep had been brutally murdered. He got up and took a sixty-four-minute long shower.  
On standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, he studied his reflection. His hair was down it covered most of his forehead, the tattoos on his hand were more lively than ever, he could hardly see his skin, all he saw was ink.

He put on some casual clothes then left the house. The hands of time were marching towards nine.

 

Mingyu wasn’t a fan of cars, if he could avoid taking a cab; he would and often did he.

He dialed a number. “Are we still up today?” he paused, listening “So, the exhibit is still in time. Good, meet you in twenty, I’m coming over.” Mingyu paused again to listen, he shook his head. “Stop screwing around, Changkyun, I don’t care about the person in your apartment, either you let them go and take a shower this instant or just meet me at Seokmin’s in twenty.” And Mingyu hung up.  
He soon received a text from Seokmin, it had a change of plans, they were to meet in the gallery.

 

Mingyu reached the gallery in fifteen minutes; it was a shorter route than his initial destination. Ironically, Changkyun was there. He was a brunet guy with a slightly slim built, he reached only till Mingyu’s shoulders and Changkyun wasn’t even short. He dressed like he was still in his teens. He was admiring the covered paintings, making sure everything was in place.

“If you didn’t make it here, I wasn’t going to attend your birthday party in two days.” Mingyu said, smiling. The guy named Changkyun laughed then he hugged Mingyu. It never failed to feel awkward to Mingyu, the hug.

“You can’t miss my twenty-fifth birthday, you’ll break the streak.” Changkyun said, offended.

“Which is exactly the point.”

“You should be grateful I arrived first, I’m the one with the keys after all.” Changkyun said jiggling his key-set.

“Changkyun!” A voice called from a distance, it was Seokmin, a twentyish guy who was dressed in a suit. Changkyun waved at Seokmin eagerly.

 

“How are you doing, Kim?” Seokmin asked out of courtesy not interest, Mingyu nodded, it was his way of replying to that kind of questions.

“I’m asking this time and I mean it, you jerk.” Seokmin punched Mingyu’s shoulder lovingly, Changkyun snickered. “I mean it, your face looks like bad news.”

Mingyu scratched his neck. “She called, this morning.” He needn’t add more.

Seokmin pressed his lips into a thin line and Changkyun said, “Ouch!”

“Still wants you back on the company’s board?” Seokmin asked.

“What’s with the stupid questions, DK?” Changkyun rebuked his friend.

Mingyu laughed. “That doesn’t matter now; you are my art dealer now, not my friend. Focus.”

“Professional as ever.” Seokmin sighed and grabbed a stool and sat on it. Mingyu found a chair and straddled it. Changkyun sat cross legged on a stool.

“Personally speaking, I think this painting is one of your finest. You’ll hear that tonight, you shouldn’t sweat it.”

“Hyung’s paintings are always pretty.” Changkyun offered cheerfully.

They both ignored him. “Therefore, I don’t understand why you refuse to exhibit it.” Seokmin added.

Mingyu pondered. “My way or the highway, Seokmin.” Mingyu wasn’t smiling.

“Kim, hear me out, this could be big, your debut was in high-school and it was controversial-”

“I know the facts, skip them please.”

“Kim, shut your fucking trap for a second; let me finish.”

Mingyu rolled his eyes.

“Thank you. I was saying, you sold the first painting and one each year for the following four years. Then you laid low and never exhibited anything for another three years after your name shone as an abstract artist.”

“But he never stopped drawing,” Changkyun said, “And he did submit one to you last year but you refused it.”

“Yes, that too.” He said, talking to Changkyun. “I can’t accept something that wasn’t abstract.” He was back to addressing Mingyu. “Then you come up with something that’s brilliant and I know it’s very relevant to your debut painting and you tell me you won’t exhibit. Excuse me but did you lose your fucking mind?” Seokmin shook Mingyu while saying the last part. “This’s huge, for both you and me. The first painting was controversial do you get that?!”

“This’s exactly the problem” Mingyu said calmly, shaking off Seokmin. “You weren’t supposed to see that painting, plus you rejected mine last year.”

“Because it was inferior and half-assed!” Seokmin snapped. “I know you don’t like criticism but I’m sure you don’t mind it as long as you are wrong.”

Mingyu pondered for a second then said, “True, but that’s it, it’s either you let me exhibit this one or I won’t exhibit anything at all.” He had his reasons.

“Kim, come the fuck on, everyone is waiting for this, they only heard the name _Kim_ and they got riled up for both, the name and the fact you were a blockbuster. You can’t be possibly asking me to overlook a marvelous work of art for –no offense- that pariah you drew in one day and submitted. The change of heat must have gotten to your head.”

Mingyu’s lip’s side curled upward. “How about we compromise? I might exhibit the painting you want in the Winter Exhibit, however the one you are getting tonight is a third one.”

Seokmin’s eyebrows darted upwards, disbelieving his ears, just how many aces did this guy have up his sleeve.

“Under one condition, you get to see it with the rest of the crowd.” Mingyu’s crooked smile returned.

“Hell no!” Seokmin objected. “I do trust you, but you can be self-destructive at times I can’t let that happen.”

“Fine. I’m leaving.” Mingyu got up and he walked to the door.  


“DK!” Changkyun said reproaching him.

“Let him be,” Seokmin looked the other way, like a child. “That self-proclaimed arrogant artist!” He shouted so that Mingyu could hear it. It wasn’t an insult. Changkyun sighed and got up, he ran to the door, catching Mingyu just as he was turning the door-knob. Funny enough, he was the voice of reason among them three.

“Hyung, DK has something to tell you.” He dragged Mingyu behind him.

“I don’t, let him leave.” Seokmin said obstinately.

“You heard him,” Mingyu said, smirking.

“He’s taking the third painting for this night but you promise to bring the main one to Winter Exhibit,  Hyung.” Changkyun was playing the diplomat now. Seokmin turned to face Mingyu, tempted by the fact he would exhibit _it_ in winter, which was January, he could handle that.

Mingyu smiled. “Get up.” He addressed Seokmin who mumbled in irritation, Changkyun hit him and he didn’t have any choice but to obey.

“Come here,” Mingyu opened his arms to hug Seokmin.

“You asshole,” Seokmin said then hit him with his fists lightly on the back as he hugged him.

 

“I’ll be here at eight sharp,” Seokmin said as he picked up his bag, ready to leave. He halted at the door for a second. “You wear proper black shoes or … ughh, or so help me Kim Mingyu.” Seokmin threatened, the air was extremely dull, then he left as Mingyu started laughing.

“Thank you.” Mingyu patted Changkyun on the shoulder briefly, the latter appreciated the gesture, knowing how hard it was to extract a _thank you_ form Mingyu, in spite of his happiness he got teary and was left speechless.

“I have to go now, I’ll kick your ass if I don’t see you in tonight’s exhibit.” Mingyu hugged Changkyun with one hand then headed for the door.

“Yeah, with your sneakers probably.” Changkyun imitated Seokmin earlier.

“Ha ha, very funny, midget. Choose a proper date.” Mingyu waved then left.

 

_Tonight_ Mingyu could hardly contain his excitement.

****

\----

****

Mingyu sent the painting to the gallery after he had left Changkyun, he didn’t go home till it was eight though. He knew that only Seokmin was the one who should be there at eight P.M., as for himself, well he got to be fashionably late.

Mingyu sat at his laptop for a while, looking shit up then he took a shower and put on a pair of leather black pants, a red plain V-neck tee and a leather black jacket. He didn’t take off his amulet or earnings and both were obvious enough, nor did he bother to comb his hair, he liked the way it looked, it looked natural; real. He took a garment bag that had his tuxedo and a box that had the shoes he had bought earlier, with some miracle they fitted into his hand bag, he put a comb and a perfume there as well. Mingyu grabbed his keys and wallet, put on some long leather boots then looked at the mirror before opening the door and leaving. It was just before ten.

Mingyu hated long walks, he didn’t like cars either, but Mingyu owned a shiny black racing motorcycle, and what a better occasion it was to show up looking like a thug than a gallery opening.

He felt rejuvenated as he heard the engine purr back to life, it had been a while since he last rode it. He didn’t put on the helmet nevertheless. The streets were empty and he drove with maniac speed, he liked how the air blew his hair and jacket, his eyes were getting teary despite the whirling wind declaring it was autumn time. He killed the engine a block away from the gallery, took the bag and entered through the back door.

He checked his phone for the time to realize he had five missed calls from Seokmin and three from Changkyun. He smiled in spite of himself and proceeded to what Changkyun called the longue; which was actually a room that no one entered but the three of them or people who wanted privacy.

Mingyu took a sneak-peek as he opened the door ajar, the gallery was hectic, everyone had a drink in their hand, his painting was hung in the centre of the room, it was a masterpiece. Seokmin was standing beside it, talking to some guy in an expensive suit, he looked relieved, cheerful even, something he often wasn’t.   
Mingyu knew he would never let his friend down.

He stood scanning the crowd for a while, he knew some of them from previous exhibits, this wasn’t one of the year’s main exhibits but, hell, it was full of important men. Mingyu felt proud, he had to show up soon.  


He started taking off his clothes; he wasn’t facing the mirror next to the door, not yet. He got into a black pair of pants with a grey shirt then he picked up his clothes from the ground and threw them on the sofa. He wore the new polished pair of black shoes he had bought earlier. He started buttoning the sleeves well, making sure none of his tattoos were visible, should he had taken off his necklace, he would have looked more elegant. Eventually he just tucked it under the shirt.

He turned to face the mirror, as he started buttoning his shirt, a familiar silhouette stood leaning on the door, with a drink in hand. Mingyu stopped buttoning for a second. “Out of all places, you show your face here,” He said, continuing the buttoning procedure.

“I came to enjoy the show.” An infamous sultry voice said. The silhouette stepped in, the firelight shed on his face, it was Wonwoo, naturally. He took a sip from his glass, Wonwoo was in a suit as well, Mingyu thought he looked decent enough.   
_Of course he’d recognize the name especially if it’s in a neighboring area_ Mingyu cursed his stupidity for not noticing this abstract fact earlier.

“And seemingly, only _I_ got to see another kind of shows,” Wonwoo pointed with his index finger to Mingyu’s shirt. Mingyu had never been glad that only faint light lit the room, he looked at his chest, he hardly saw anything. Wonwoo padded across the room; to the sofa and he took the other-shade-of-grey –darker- tie in his hand. “Personally speaking, I preferred the wild look you came with more.”

Only then did Mingyu realize the sneak-peek of his took longer than it should have and he was easily spotted.

 

“May I?” Wonwoo asked, standing in front of Mingyu with a laid tie on his palms while his drink lied on the table. Mingyu only lifted up his collar and waited. Wonwoo put the tie beneath the collar and started making the knot, not looking at his working hands, but at Mingyu’s eyes.

In the dimly lit room, Mingyu’s darkly colourless eyes lit vibrantly. Something in his eyes appealed to Wonwoo. He saw something sharp in the dull pair of eyes that he was staring at; something familiar, something he often saw when he came across his own reflection. No, this outclassed what he usually saw by much greater levels; it wasn’t the same spark of rebellious moody defiance, rather it was unspoken pride, confident individualism, awareness of how stable the ground beneath their owner’s feet was, it reflected a lot, like nothing could touch them, nothing could touch him.

This was exactly what drew Wonwoo to Mingyu, and this was also the same thing that made him flee more than once.

“There you go,” Wonwoo said as his hand formed the last turn, Mingyu’s steady gaze never faltered. Wonwoo started moving to get his drink. “Your silence is deafening, say something.”

 Mingyu pushed his hair to the back and checked himself in the mirror, he could see Wonwoo behind him in the reflection, standing tall.

“I’m not apologizing if that’s the kind of talk you want to have.” Mingyu’s voice was no less steady than his gaze.

“You are so yesterday, get over yourself.” Wonwoo brushed off the subject. “I would not have come here if I weren’t the one who should apologize,” Mingyu raised an eyebrow which Wonwoo saw in the reflection. “But of course I’m not apologizing.” He added matter-of-factly. Mingyu laughed.

“Come here,” Mingyu said as he stood at the door, not facing Wonwoo. Much to his chagrin, Wonwoo was already by his side, hardly leaving any distance between them. Mingyu pointed to the painting.  
All Wonwoo could see was at least seven shades of black and white mixed together; they formed a shape, a shape that made him feel a vague sense of déjà vu.

Before Mingyu could say what he wanted Seokmin had spotted him, he excused himself and started making his way through the crowd to reach Mingyu.

“Uh-uh,” Mingyu said, he knew not only was he late but also he was still not completely dressed. He hurried to put on the suit’s jacket and by the time he was at the door, Seokmin was facing him. Seokmin’s eyes switched from Mingyu to Wonwoo who smiled affably and raised his glass in a greeting manner. Seokmin decided to skip asking who the hell that person was. He put his hand on Mingyu’s shoulder and started leading him outside an into the crowd.

“I’ll kick your ass for being late and for your fucking leather boots on my carpet later,” Seokmin said, Mingyu smiled a bit. “Now if you would honour us with your presence that would be fucking great.”

Mingyu turned his head. “If you left before you talk to me, don’t ever dare show your face to me.” Mingyu’s menacing smile was flashed at Wonwoo who laughed then said,  
“I came with a date; I’m not leaving any time soon. Unless I get bored and that happens easily, so no promises, Gyu.”

Mingyu turned back to Seokmin, he was smiling.  


“Since when do you smile like that?” Seokmin teased Mingyu before they were intruded by a fiftyish man. Mingyu shrugged then was engaged in a conversation with the man. It didn’t take much time till Mingyu’s presence was patently noticed, he was handed a drink, taken pictures with and everyone talked to him, they admired his work.

A journalist came to him, Mingyu hated prying eyes, however his diplomatic smile never left his face. He asked a few casual personal and professional questions then he said “The caption under your masterpiece reads as _Stuck And Hollow,_ would you illustrate further?” This question was what Mingyu hated the most, they often interpret everything as a reflection of the artist’s soul or life or experience or whatever the hell they wanted to turn it into a personal scoop or some commotion, always prying, always meddling. He laughed joylessly. Seokmin knew that laugh too damn well; he also knew Mingyu was subjected to enter his self-destructive mode when he decided it was time to throw everything to hell. He started to internally panic.

“I would have failed as an artist if my paintings can’t speak for themselves.”

Seokmin was relieved; he loved how smooth Mingyu always was.

“Nonsense. I mean I can see that is a face whose everything is precisely detailed except for the eyes which are covered by the lids, and then there are the monochrome colours...” The journalist kept on going and Mingyu had stopped listening long ago, he was seeing Wonwoo being slapped on the face by an angry woman who has just left, she used enough force to make his face turn to the side and his cheek crimson with the rush of blood, Wonwoo didn’t turn his face to its proper position till she had been out of sight. He suppressed the impulse to laugh, guess Wonwoo’s date had just dumped him, that was going to leave a mark on his pretty face.

“Kim-nim?” the journalist tried to catch the smiling Mingyu’s attention.

“Ahh sorry. Well there you have your answer; no two people can interpret the same drawing in the same way. Thank you.” Mingyu dismissed himself. The journalist was on the verge of losing it.

“Kim-nim, what do you say about quitting Kim CO.,  your grand-father’s company for the sake of being an artist, abandoning your mother and letting her carry the weight alone? Is it true your grand-father abused you?” the journalist said full volume, he was trying to get back at Mingyu.

Mingyu froze in the middle of the room, the chatters and laughs died down, all eyes were on Mingyu. His face betrayed none of the feelings he felt, it was a perfect composed mask topped with the diplomatic smile.

_Wrong. Everything is, everyone is._

“If you wanted a personal scoop about Kim Co., my grand-father’s company,” Mingyu swallowed hard at the word _grand-father,_ “You could have simply went to Kim Aeri, my mother, instead of me.” He started addressing everyone, his tone taking a firmer authoritative and a much superior tone than it usually had.  
“If anyone came here in hope of a scandal,” Mingyu clasped both his hands in a clap and pressed his lips into an apologetic smile. “Sorry to disappoint you, this’s an art gallery and I only own one painting. Every painting here is radiantly illustrious, each speaks its own story and each deserves to be appreciated, mine included, my former professional life is ridiculously out of place in this splendid gallery.” He looked at his fellow artists, three at his line of vision. “My friends here want to discuss their work and not my life. I’d like this evening to unfold as peacefully as possible.”

He found Changkyun with his date; Kihyun, he was smiling, Changkyun owned one of the paintings but under a pseudonym here in the gallery, Mingyu smiled back.

“Sorry to have disturbed your evening, it is most unfortunate I have to leave now. Thanks for coming today.” Mingyu bowed and started heading to the front door. To his own amazement a round of applause was started by a charming young man with pale skin and raven black hair, it was soon followed by Seokmin and Changkyun and the rest of the artists who were moved by his unintentional speech.

Mingyu’s eyes was focused only on _him,_ he didn’t pause or stop till he had reached him. He was grateful for what Wonwoo has done; however, he thought his speech was pretty much lame and undeserving. He was exulting when he saw the journalist setting himself on fire in the reflection on the glass door.

Mingyu exited from the main door while the round was still alive and Wonwoo was on his heels, right after Mingyu.

 


	3. Exhibition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rolls eyes at this chapter* this is where I throw my writing-career into flames before I embark on a writing career smh  
> Have fun, or roll your eyes like me, whichever it is I'm telling you this won't be the last so can you smell what I'm cooking? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

****

****

Wonwoo followed Mingyu in silence; the latter didn’t even bother to tell him to follow him, soon they were walking side-to-side. A short bridge was built over the nearby river which you had to slide on the grass to reach, or simply fall to have the same outcome. Mingyu took Wonwoo’s hand and they skewed the incline together, Mingyu landing properly and Wonwoo struggled a bit despite his cattish agility.

“Yup, that’s about as far as I can get to have some peace of mind.” Mingyu said, brushing the dust off his clothes.

“I’m still here, you know.” Wonwoo lied down on the grass, facing the sky.

“Yea? I thought I took a phantom’s hand earlier, thanks for the heads-up.” Mingyu sat next to Wonwoo’s lying body, lying down as well and resting his head on his hand while looking at Wonwoo. “Say, if I kissed you right now, would you snap like last time?”

Wonwoo weighed the question for a second. “Why would you?”

“Kiss you, you mean?” Mingyu sighed. “I’m not sure.”

Wonwoo turned to the side, sitting in a mirroring position to Mingyu’s. The winds made neither of their breaths unrecognizable to the other.

“Do you like me?” Wonwoo asked simply.

“Not really.”

“Then why would you want to kiss me?”

“Why did you kiss me in the roller coaster?” Mingyu’s eyes were sharp now unlike his voice.

“I planned on kissing you even before what happened to you, speaking of which, you owe me an explanation.”

At this, Mingyu laughed. “I owe no one nothing, especially you.” He lied on his back with his hand behind his head. Soon Wonwoo’s head touched Mingyu’s shoulder; Wonwoo had spun, the spin giving him the leverage of having his head right next to Mingyu’s while resting on his arm as well, Wonwoo’s body was in the opposite direction to Mingyu’s however they looked aligned as if in a straight line.  
They sat in silence, again the silence that of them neither minded, on the contrary, it felt soothing.

 

“The girl, who dumped you earlier, did she discover you were sleeping with someone else so she slapped you?” Mingyu asked casually, knowing the answer beforehand.

“More or less, she was shocked that my partner was referred to as ‘he’.” Wonwoo laughed at his own inside joke.

Wonwoo felt like he had to explain himself for some reason, he was glad there was no eye-contact. “I’m not whoring myself out, stop judging me.”

“I’m not and of course doing it with anyone doesn’t necessarily mean you are whoring yourself out.” Mingyu’s tone was too flat, way too flat.

“Anyone who’s good at it.” Wonwoo corrected, hitting Mingyu’s head lightly with his own making the latter smile but unfortunately Wonwoo didn’t see it. He felt that he had been missing out on something for so long, he never saw Mingyu with anyone … like ever.

“You are not one-hundred percent straight, right?” Wonwoo asked cautiously, thoughts rattling in mind.

“What makes you assume so?”

“A mere theory…” Wonwoo let his words hang in the air, giving Mingyu the notion he had to say something.

“I don’t really care, I don’t look for the sex in a relation. Meaning, I’m all for one’s-” Mingyu stopped abruptly. Wonwoo turned his face to the side, his nose touched Mingyu’s hair, it was surprisingly smoother than it looked, it was no mystery how it always looked like bed-hair to him, Mingyu never combed it because he didn’t need to.

“What? What were you going to say?” Wonwoo urged him.

“I just don’t care about the gender as long as I can tolerate the other person in the relation.” Mingyu shrugged.  
Wonwoo decided to let it be, however, he knew that those weren’t the words Mingyu wanted to use at first.

Again, the silence was their third companion.

 

“I’m not going to be in town tomorrow or the day after. Just telling you, I don’t want you to worry.” Wonwoo said randomly, first to break the silence.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be missing you.” Mingyu turned his head briefly to grin at Wonwoo then returned back.

“At least ask me where.”

“It doesn’t concern me.”

Wonwoo sighed out of frustration “Yep, give me all the sass.”

“I don’t want to hear that from you.”

“You and your _from you’s_ , Mingyu, Goddammit!” Wonwoo wanted the silence back.

And the silence they got.

 

“Are you going to tell me what happened yesterday?” Wonwoo asked after a while.

“Someday.”

Wonwoo hated when he got concise answers, but he knew Mingyu enjoyed teasing him, as if he didn’t feel guilty for doing something he hated to be done to him that is.

“Nor you are going to tell me about your family?” Wonwoo asked half-assedly, he knew he would never hear about that either, but a part of him felt satisfied when Mingyu was … being Mingyu.

“Once you know the basics about me, I can get personal.” Mingyu got up and flicked Wonwoo’s forehead. He loosened his tie, then he decided to get rid of it altogether, ruffled his own hair then he took off his jacket and unbuttoned the first two buttons and his sleeves then rolled them up. Wonwoo watched him with his eyebrows arched.

“Do you enjoy strip-tease so much?” he asked rhetorically.

“If I do, you’d be seeing me skinny-dipping right here right now.” He reached for the jacket’s inner pocket, a pack of cigarettes.

“When did you put that here?” Wonwoo asked, amazed.

“I’m not sure, but it’s here …”

“I thought you were no smoker,” It was more of an accusation.

“I smoke when-” He stopped. Again. Wonwoo hated that. “I smoke on a few occasions.” He looked at the pack, swung his hand then threw it in the river it fell with a light splash after it made a high arc in the air.

“That was a new pack!” Wonwoo objected, getting to his feet and looking at the river wishfully.

“I told you, I don’t smoke.” Mingyu smirked. He started checking his pants’ pockets, his face looked puzzled.

Wonwoo took a few steps forward till he had crouched in front of the river’s boarder. “What is it that you can’t find?”

“My keys.” Mingyu didn’t lose his cool.

“You are awfully concerned for just your keys, Mingyu.”

“I need them to … to get home and I don’t feel like going back to the gallery.” He justified, his voice had a faint edge.

“You never took them.” Wonwoo stood up and turned to Mingyu’s direction. “Catch!” He reached for his pocket and threw something that clanked in the air till Mingyu caught it. He was eyeing Wonwoo suspiciously.

“I took them after Seokmin-sshi came and stole your company, I was planning to keep you with me for a while, but that is unneeded now.”

Mingyu made a disbelieving face. “You don’t want me now…?”

You are the one who dragged me here in the first place.” Wonwoo has just passed Mingyu and started climbing the slope. Mingyu laughed.

“What an interesting kid you are, Wonwoo.” He smiled and knelt down to take his jacket. Wonwoo was already on the top.

He stood, looking down on Mingyu, with a grin on his face. “You say that and it makes me laugh,” Wonwoo shouted so Mingyu could hear him. “I’m actually older than you, I’m twenty-four, I’m even exactly fifteen months, eleven days older than you.” Wonwoo waved something that looked like Mingyu’s wallet in the air and it was being tossed to him. For the first time, Wonwoo was able to see a non-calculated expression on Mingyu’s face as the latter was trying to believe his ears. It wasn’t just Wonwoo’s shorter built or boyish grin or his hair style that made him look younger, he didn’t act like a twenty-four years old man, or was it Mingyu who didn’t.

“And no Tzuyu isn’t my daughter,” Wonwoo stuck out a tongue once more, pausing for a second making sure Mingyu could see that clearly then he started walking.

 

Wonwoo started feeling an ominous warm blossoming feeling in a cold fall season.

 

  


****

****

Mingyu spent the next day locked in his room, well, locked in his apartment for what it was worth. He spent hours sketching and tearing the papers, trying to add features over and over again, miserably failing each time. He was a mess, his jumper was steeped in paint and his shirt was sweaty along with his hair. He hated how he felt, he was failing at something and he looked like crap. His fruitless hours of work, the ten goddamn continuous hours he had spent with the dim lightening, the phone calls he ignored, the things he pushed off in order to try and finish the damn portrait.

He got up and pulled the white drop-clothes from one of his canvas. The same sight, the guy sitting on bed, his head wrapped and his hands scarred, the hands that were holding a flute. The drawing was huge, you could see him sitting up on bed with his head tilted to the side, the edges of the drawing were erased, deliberately; as if only the guy was there and that the visitor who should be there faded along with the erased virtual circle. Everything was perfect even the hair was flawlessly portrayed, as far as ‘ _everything’_ went without the features.  
Mingyu cursed under his breath and walked to raise the volume of the stereo and he flanked himself on his bed, as if it could chase away his thoughts.

He started thinking about Wonwoo. _Twenty-four years old Jeon Wonwoo, a waiter born in August fourth, five feet ten inches, extraordinarily pale skin in contrast to both, his raven black hair and black-blue eyes, weird flexibility. His hair is long from the back, covering his neck and he tucked his strands behind his left ear when he wasn’t wearing his beanie. Playful attitude and eccentric personality._

_One dimple. One._

Mingyu was a goner in a few minutes after he had lied on bed, tired and unclean as he was.

 

He woke up the next day at seven o’clock, he hated his biological clock, it sucked enough for him to add it to the list of things he hated. Mingyu dreamt of a day when he would be able to sleep eight hours like any normal human being. He was dead tired, that was the ninth five hours-of-sleep/sleepless night he had in a row, he usually considered himself lucky if he got six. Albeit he was only approaching his twenty-fourth winter, he felt like he had lived longer than anyone due to his countless sleepless nights, or his lack of sleep to be fair. He tried to track down the events to when this all started, Mingyu’s memory has evidently failed him. He checked the date and time from his phone _hmm, sixth of September; Changkyun’s birthday party tonight_.  
When he got up to make coffee he saw his reflection and realized he was still in his jumper, memories from his lovely night surged forward. He opened the fridge to realize he needed to go shopping for food, the calendar on the wall stated he had an appointment with his dentist then he was going to meet up with his cousin for the first time in two months. That was going to be a long tiresome day.

 

_Shower, dentist at ten, shopping afterwards, meeting up with Dahyun, I’ll have her help me pick up the watch for Changkyun’s gift, call someone to meet up with to kill time before the party._ Mingyu surmised by the time he should be done all that he could do was wander around till it was nine o’clock, then it would be time to get ready for the party and arrive on time. There was going to be a larger group of friends there, Mingyu liked their company, but his fatigue was wearing down on him.

Mingyu left the dentist’s clinic a bit before noon, he was done shopping for food at two sharp. He met up with Dahyun at three at the mall.

Dahyun was a very pretty girl; she owned a very feminine body although she was petite, she didn’t even reach up enough to Mingyu’s shoulders. She wore a beige mini skirt, white tights beneath it, and a coffee-sleeveless-top with a short faint beige jacket and a pair of brown ballerina pumps. Her long silky hair lay loose on her right shoulder and she wore a long gold earring with a simple matching necklace that reached to her breasts and she wore light make-up. Dahyun was eighteen.

“Oppa, are you listening?” Dahyun asked after a while, pouting but clearly hurt, they had been shopping for over an hour and it was all for her sake, Mingyu didn’t even tell her he needed a gift for tonight. He was being nice to her, but she bored him limitlessly.

He looked at her, he knew her eyes never left his face all along. Dahyun had been in love with Mingyu for years, she didn’t confess though. Mingyu knew that and he perfectly played to it. He smiled sweetly and said, “I think you should just apologize to your friend and make up already, the guy is undeserving and she clearly regrets dating him especially after he … after you guys broke up.”  Frankly, he wasn’t really listening to half of what she was saying, but he got the gist, the rest was easy to link.

“I’ve to get at her, you don’t know that bitch; she took my baby away!” She argued on.

Mingyu sighed. “If she was really into him she wouldn’t put so much effort into showing off, you have hurt her and she just wants to get back at you. Just make up already.” _Stupid teenage drama._ It had been ages; Mingyu could hardly remember his last steady relation. He had his own definition of the word ‘relationship’.  
Dahyun was a sucker for Mingyu, she would buy anything Mingyu said. She smiled and they kept walking, and Dahyun talking of course.

Mingyu stopped in front of an accessories shop. “I have to buy a gift for a friend, would you choose it for me?” Mingyu asked, tucking a strand behind Dahyun’s ear, it was easy to tell she was screaming on the inside.

 

“What’s he like?” she asked professionally as they stood choosing, just leave it for a girl to choose a gift.

“In his twenties but it doesn’t show, moderate-size hands -don’t pick something too big tho,” Mingyu thought for a second, he smiled then added. “Pale skin, well, forget that, he’s a happy-go-lucky person in general; I’m sure you can come up with a face.”

The sale’s assistant stared at Mingyu after he said the last part. “It’s for your friend, sir?” she asked politely. Mingyu smiled, she had the grace to at least feel embarrassed at the question. Mingyu was happy his objective was met.

“This would be a perfect fit!” Dahyun snapped her finger after a minute.

“Hmm, you can go order lunch while I pay for it then.” Mingyu said taking out his wallet, he handed Dahyun more than enough for lunch. She hesitated, nodded then left.

 

“Such a pretty lady she is.” The sale’s assistant said putting the watch in its box, Mingyu pressed a reluctant smile. “Such a shame she doesn’t know you are engaged with someone else.” She muttered, she caught herself thinking out loud and her face became more abashed, she stole a glance at Mingyu’s face; she saw something undeniably proud about his expression, something untouchable.

After a few seconds she handed him the watch in a gift’s bag.

“I would like that necklace, please.” Mingyu said pointing to a silver necklace he saw Dahyun stealing a few glances at earlier. “And this necklace too.” pointing to another, the woman’s expression failed her, Mingyu had to add the snide remark, “You know for my other partners tonight.”

Her embarrassment was overpowered by exasperation which made the colour on her face brighter. She turned to get the necklace, it gave Mingyu unspeakable satisfaction. Mingyu looked over his shoulder, some of the people in the shop were staring at him, some girls gossiping, and some customers thinking he was rude or something along the line.

_Same old same old._   
Mingyu took the bags, paid for two necklaces and a watch. He glanced at the woman’s passive face. “No wonder he left you,” he pointed to her empty ring-finger with his eyes, Mingyu saw she had been married long enough for the ring to leave a mark on her fat finger. The woman made a shocked disbelieving face and drew her hand to her side defensively.

“Thank you.” he said then left.

 

Dahyun was tapping her legs anxiously at an empty table; the food was still not there. He put the necklace in his jacket’s pocket and approached her.

“Sorry to have kept you waiting,” he took a seat opposite to her. She forced a smile, something clearly disturbed her.

“I miss Oppa so much, I’m not just talking about now.” She said leaning on the table. She tried to hold his hand but he pretended to set the bag on the table to avoid that.

The food was finally there. He stroke up a casual conversation while they ate, she wasn’t as talkative, but innately she was blabbering. Once they were done, Mingyu got up to wash his hands, leaving Dahyun alone.   
When he got back, she was staring far-off, he followed her eyes to the crowd where a group of teenagers stood there in couples with too much public display of affection, then he let out a sigh.

Mingyu didn’t like Dahyun more than he liked any of his female relatives, but he thought hell, he was always subtly mean to her; playing with her feelings and all, he could try being nice since he has already bought the necklace. He didn’t take the route that was in her line of sight, he was basically sneaking behind her. He set the necklace box next to her hand from behind.

“For you,” he smiled politely just and she turned just in time to see it.

She opened the box. “You didn’t!” She said, trying to hold back the fake-teenage tears.

She stood up and lifted up her hair after handing him the box. Mingyu didn’t move for a while, not due to ignorance, but more like he didn’t like this, however, he played it off. He carefully put the necklace on her chest, it was shorter than the one she wore; the pendant was of a small dandelion, they looked pretty together. She turned around; her anxiety was subdued by a smile Mingyu suspected she was faking. She put her hand on his shoulder; she let it move till her hand was behind his neck. Mingyu wasn’t aware of what’s happening, he was focused on the other side of the crowd, at the exit of the mall, which was where his eyes wandered. His face became bleached of colour, he snapped just before Dahyun’s lips reached his, he drew back, putting his hand between them.

“Dahyun, excuse me for a second.” He said and was about to break from her grasp.

On tightening it she had said, “Kiss me first.”

He threw a glance at the exit, the guy still hadn’t moved he was still at the shop near the door, Mingyu’s heart started racing.

“Dahyun,” he said again, trying not to show his impatience.

“Just kiss me first.” She said with a sharp edge and drew his head near hers. Mingyu resorted to his first option, jerking her hand off, it would not have taken much force and it didn’t. He pushed away her hand without any effort, yet she was a girl about half his size, she held her hand as tears started getting into her eyes.

“I don’t have time to play make-believe with you for your teenage drama, if you want to fuck him so bad just go tell him you want him back.” Mingyu said, he usually didn’t have a short fuse and it was the first time Dahyun saw him snapping at her, or at anyone else, she was shocked and her tears started streaming down.

“Mingyu-hyung you jerk!” Dahyun hit Mingyu’s chest and he made his way past her then she stormed to the bathroom with her bag.

Mingyu didn’t even throw a glance at her, he was focused on the guy at the Exist now. He made his way through the crowd, some guys purposely colliding into him and calling him a jerk, he, after all, had just snapped at a pretty girl in public, folks had little patience to such abominableness and they were taking no justifications, not that Mingyu was justified.   
But somewhere along the colliding and insults, and by the time Mingyu had made it to the door, the guy had already disappeared.

 

Mingyu passed his hand through his hair in frustration and he blew air from his mouth. “Damn!” he said then went back to get the bag on the table he used earlier.

Mingyu saw Dahyun getting out of the bathroom with her eyes bloodshot, remorse couldn’t bring out itself to surface among the numerous emotions he was undergoing.

She looked him straight in the eye, dignified. He pressed his lips to a thin line then turned around to leave. On his way out he felt a hard impact on his face, one of the guys in the group of teenagers had just punched him, Mingyu wiped the blood from his lips and looked at his assaulter, his friends were holding him back, he seemed to be choking on words and his face was fuming with anger.

“How dare you!” the boy finally formulated. The security man was starting to approach them, Mingyu motioned to him to behold.

“It’s okay” he said. Mingyu’s eyes could spot the wide-eyed Dahyun; luckily no crowd had formed; only few took notice of the incident.  
“Are you done now?” Mingyu asked smiling, looking at a teenage boy whose girlfriend stood with a replicated expression of that of Dahyun’s.

The guy cursed at him.

“I’m glad this’s making you feel more like a man, toying with two hearts.” Mingyu said as he waved his hand in dismissal and left, he was still smiling as the guy shouted a string of endless blue profanities as he left.  
_Guess I won’t have to apologize to her now._

 

\----

****

Mingyu was back home sometime after eight, he picked up his shopping and bought some art supplies after he had left Dahyun. He showered and put some casual clothes, Changkyun’s party wasn’t formal, the guy was pretty flexible about everything it was safe to say Mingyu enjoyed his company. He was in black jeans with another dark-scarlet half-sleeves T-shirt apart from the one that was probably still lying on Changkyun’s sofa in the gallery; he picked out a sleeveless cotton jacket from his closet and put it on.

Mingyu didn’t hate a colour as much as he hated red.

He pushed his hair to the back for kick’s sake, it was his ‘formal hairstyle’. The amulet laid comfortably on his chest, he looked at the mirror, his face showed signs of being punched, the guy really did inject his punch with some pure hatred. He used some spray, grabbed his veteran companions along with the gift and took off.

This time Mingyu used the helmet as he rode his bike.  


He arrived at nine, Changkyun’s place was already full of guests, no wonder, the guy threw some amazing parties. The music was loud enough to blow one’s head off, drinks were being passed around, it was a mixture of a formal party and a party a teenager would throw once their parents left the house.

Changkyun was surrounded by his class’s colleagues next to the fireplace; he was joking about something and imitating the guy he made fun of, everyone was laughing, he remained on good terms with everyone and they all kept contact. Mingyu was stopped more than once on his way to Changkyun by people who knew him and some were even his friends. Shifting from polite conversations to friendly ones to casual ones, eventually he was able to make it Changkyun, his hand was instantly thrown around his neck as he entered the circle of Changkyun’s friends, his boyfriend was on his other side, fortunately.

“Birthday boy!” Mingyu declared loudly, Seokmin turned to see the commotion, he saw Mingyu, naturally.

“Man of the hour finally makes it here,” Changkyun said, trying to break away from his grasp.

“Not just yet,” Mingyu said then addressing a mutual friend he adds “Lee, please hand me this.” He was pointing to a champagne bottle on the table nearby.

“Nice thinking, Kim.” Another friend said as Lee brought the bottle.

With his free hand Mingyu shook the bottle and said, “Everyone, tonight, this guy hits his puberty.” He popped out the crock above Changkyun’s head, everyone took a step behind as they cheered and clapped, however they were stained all the same, Changkyun taking most damage while Mingyu tried to limit it by receiving the damage with his open mouth. Changkyun was struggling with laughter.

He finally broke off. “Ladies and gentlemen, I have a toast to make,” Changkyun cleared his throat, Mingyu threw his hand around Changkyun’s neck once again and Changkyun took Mingyu’s hand in his own as it dangled on his shoulder. “It’s not like you all haven’t let your clothes drink my toast but whatever!” Everyone laughed. “I never got the chance to congratulate our renowned long-lost-in-slumber artist for his latest and once again break through yesterday,” Changkyun started clapping and everyone soon joined him, even the other people who weren’t in the circle when Mingyu came.

Mingyu bowed and thanked them. “I have no idea why I befriended someone as callous and rigid and snotty and sassy and arrogant and-” Changkyun’s list of Mingyu’s accomplishments was cut by Mingyu’s what-the-fuck-expression.

“Everyone here already knows that. You’ll have to be creative.” he nudged Changkyun who laughed in turn.

“No really,” Changkyun turned his face to Mingyu. “I’m glad I’m your friend and I’m glad you moved here.” He said compassionately. Mingyu looked at him for an instant and everyone was suddenly silent.

“Someone hands me some tissues,” Mingyu said loudly, mockingly faking tears, “I’m brought to tears.” He jokingly kicked Changkyun. Another round of laughs.

“Seriously stop!” Changkyun said, blushing a bit.

“No you stop, Kihyun is going to suspect the nature of our relationship if you spoke more.” He gestured at Kihyun who was definitely enjoying himself. It was a round of kinky Ohh’s this time.

Mingyu took out a box from his jacket and handed it to Changkyun. “Your present, better appreciate it … jerk.”

“I’m opening it.” Changkyun said examining the rectangular box.

“You’d better.”

“Silence everyone, it’s probably Mingyu’s token of accepting Changkyun into manhood.” Seokmin said, the air in the room was so cheerful they laughed at the silliest things.

Changkyun took out a necklace, it looked like chains, he admired the work for a minute then added skeptically. “I never asked for a necklace.”

“You didn’t, yes, but you never stopped talking about anyone who wore one, I don’t need a brain to work two and two out.” Mingyu shrugged and Changkyun thanked him. They both got engaged in side conversations then after a while they stood not talking –for a change- next to Seokmin, the three of them side by side with Mingyu in the middle. “Now talk,” Changkyun began taking a sip from his drink.

“Who did you fight with today?” Seokmin added, also taking a sip. None of the three was looking at anyone as they talked; they stood looking at the guests, looking like conspirers.

Mingyu laughed/ “I thought I hid it pretty well.”

“You did, if I close my left eye….” Changkyun began; really putting his words into action.

“That and your right eye as well, maybe then you won’t see his fat lip.” Seokmin teased.

“Very funny you guys, don’t insult my pretty lips, it’s one of my good points.” Mingyu said.

“Kim, you are all good points, your fat lip is just a divine mercy so girls won’t swoon at the sight of you.” Seokmin had a habit of making fun of Mingyu, was developed since high school days, if that counted as so. No one but him was ever to do that.

“Well, I got hit. Teenage drama, I was with Dahyun in the morning, long story.” Mingyu said then looked at Changkyun who had his phone in his hand and smiled.

“By the way, Hyung, I have a surprise for you,” Changkyun slapped his phone shut then looked at Mingyu with what seemed like glowing eyes. Mingyu looked at him quizzically, Seokmin followed Changkyun’s eyes to the door, a young man stood there.

“Ah, you owe me an explanation about that.” Seokmin said and turned to them firmly. “Both of you actually.”

 

Mingyu looked at the door. The unmistakable raven hair. Wonwoo stood with a slightly different hair-style and he dressed like a punk-rockstar, some tight jeans Mingyu had no clue how he had fit into them, they weren’t that blasphemous but they too looked tight to Mingyu, it made Wonwoo’s already too long leg appear longer. The jeans had those ‘stylish rips’ at one knee, Mingyu never understood the point of wearing clothes that looked like rags. He wore a sleeveless orange tee with some leather straps on his forearm.

 “Tell me you are not responsible for this.” On rolling his eyes, Mingyu was pointing blatantly at Wonwoo.

“I am. You never told me you guys were acquainted, I invited him, plus he’s already one of Kihyun’s friends.” Changkyun said as innocently as he could get.

“What a weird connection! Inviting your boyfriend’s friend and someone you hardly saw me with to your party.” Mingyu made it sound as if it was a brilliant idea. Wonwoo spotted Changkyun who waved to him and the former started making his way through the crowd.

“You owe him for yesterday.” Changkyun said, laid down his drink and moved to accept Wonwoo’s congratulations.

Mingyu looked at Seokmin as if asking him to say something.

“I’m not taking sides, the guy did save your ass, he was fastest to react and it affected the atmosphere, there is no telling how anyone would have reacted to your little speech if he weren’t the one who started the round of applause.” Seokmin summed up the situation simply, obviously he had already chosen whose side he was on. “Plus I saw you with him before you showed up, you get along with everyone, but I can tell when you are getting especially well with someone, Kim, I have known you since forever.”  He took another drink then left Mingyu’s side.  


“Wonwoo here says you have been acquainted for long, I hate you for not telling me this.” Changkyun makes a sad face.

“And you never told me you were a friend of Changkyun here.” Wonwoo said smiling.

“Are you done with your little reunion yet?” Mingyu said, bored. Someone called out to Changkyun and just like that he had left them. Mingyu leaned back to the wall and Wonwoo stood facing him.

“I thought you weren’t going to be here for two days.” Mingyu said with the same bored-out-of-my-skull- demeanour.

“So you actually pay attention to what I say.” Wonwoo’s playfulness was as lively as ever, he took a drink. “Nice makeover.” He said referring to the lip.

“Thank you,” Mingyu smiled, it was a true smile. “I worked hard for it.”  
Mingyu saw someone approaching them, he seemed familiar, he was glaring at Mingyu then his eyes shifted to Wonwoo.

“Jeon, is that you?” he asked as he tapped Wonwoo’s shoulder. Before Wonwoo turned, he closed his eyes as if he hated what was happening. He forced a smile then turned.

“Ah. How are you doing?” Wonwoo asked, not interested despite the bright smile.

“I thought you were out of town.” The guy said, eyeing Mingyu who gave up on the idea of remembering who the hell this guy was.

“About that, I lied.” Wonwoo said scratching his nose.

“Are you breaking up with me?” He asked, shocked. Mingyu had no clue which part of Wonwoo’s words suggested such a pompous assumption. It was obvious he was but the question was so pronounced it was utterly comic.

“My cue to exit,” Mingyu muttered, trying to slip, Wonwoo took his hand and pressed it. Mingyu was going to say something then he decided not to.

“Is _he_ the reason you are breaking up with me?” The guy looked disdained. “A guy that was sexually abused by his own grand-father!”

Mingyu froze for a second, _again with the rumors_ he sighed.

“How many times did you fuck this guy?” He was whispering near Wonwoo’s ear so the intruder wouldn’t hear the shameless question.

“Erm,” Wonwoo was mumbling, obviously whatever the number was it left no favourable interpretation.

“Oh my!” Mingyu shook his head, that was trouble.

“Listen to me you piece of shit,” The guy said, now Mingyu remembered him, he was one of Changkyun’s friends whom he disliked, Show-something, Shownu or something that went along the line, he had hardly talked to him.

_Why does everything lead back to him!_ Mingyu wondered. This was too much for coincidence.   
Mingyu tilted his head and looked at the guy who he decided to label as Shownu for the time being, he had that look that was downright bored and it infuriated Shownu more.

“I have known Wonwoo longer than you did,” Shownu said with a smug smile. Wonwoo was going to say something, Mingyu shook his head, he knew he can handle him on his own.

“Good for you then.” Mingyu was getting more bored at that tacky line. He didn’t understand why he was even in this position, he hardly knew Wonwoo and they weren’t fucking, end of story.

It was mostly his ego that didn’t let him overlook what this Shownu guy was saying or the fact he called him ‘piece of shit’.

“Obviously, you don’t understand, Wonwoo’s mine, not yours and not anyone else’s.” Shownu reached for Wonwoo’s hand, Wonwoo took a step to the side and snickered.

“Wonwoo, would you turn your back for me for a second?” Mingyu yawned, Wonwoo did as requested, stifling a smile as he bit his lip.

“What are you doing?” Shownu’s irk was reaching its limit, what a short fuse.

“I’m making sure he doesn’t have your name on his back, what do you mean what am I doing?” Mingyu laughed humourlessly.

“Are you making fun of me?!”

“Impressive.” His grin getting wider at Shownu’s quick wit.

Shownu grabbed Mingyu by the jacket and made a sound that sounded like wheezing to Mingyu. “Listen to me-” Mingyu grabbed Shownu’s hands and jerked them off, straightened his shirt, so far no one took notice of what was happening, good.

“No. You listen to me. I don’t give a fuck if you had known him before earth’s creation, I don’t care if you insult me and I generally don’t care about you. I won’t say the cliché line of _I know him better than you do_ or any of that bullshit you stole out of a 70s movie-“

“You won’t because you can’t, for instance, you don’t know about the scar I left below his naval.” Shownu cut Mingyu’s sentence, he looked stupid with that smug smile on his face.

It was amusing how amused both Mingyu and Wonwoo were by this propaganda.

“You are right,” Mingyu began as he smiled at the ground. It was time his instincts took over. “I don’t know about this nonexistent scar and I know better than to fall for this.” He closed the distance with Shownu, fortunately, Mingyu was taller, it allowed him to literally look down on him as he had that proud spark in his eyes like usual. “Now scam, I don’t feel like wasting my time.”

 

Mingyu could see the guy’s rage literally boiling, he turned around and before he could dodge it, Mingyu received a blow across his face that made him stagger back.

“Whatever!” He spat then exited though the door after looking at the staggering Mingyu triumphantly. Now everyone was looking.

Mingyu wiped the blood off his lip, _just how many times does this have to happen today?_

Changkyun and Seokmin showed up, Changkyun was successfully able to distract the attention from what happened and soon everyone carried on whatever they were doing.

Kihyun, Changkyun’s boyfriend, showed up, he looked at Mingyu’s bleeding lip and said, “Let me make a wild guess,” she glanced at the smiling Wonwoo and said, “You got punched for his sake?” she raised an eyebrow, expectedly.

“We have a winner.” Wonwoo said as he passed Mingyu to stand beside Kihyun, folding his arms.   
“Really, your old habits die hard.” He shook his head. “You could have at least warned poor Kim Mingyu.”

“My habits never die,” Wonwoo said playing with a lock of Kihyun’s hair. “And if you’d been watching us all along, then you are in no shoes to criticize.”

Mingyu was looking at the ground, his shoulders were shaking. Changkyun looked concerned and Seokmin muttered something that went along the lines Uh-uh. Paradoxically, Mingyu broke into almost hysterical laughter, his eyes even started being lubricated from the intense laughter. Changkyun jerked a thumb at his friend and said, “I have a party to host, text me the asylum cell’s number.”

Seokmin nodded and Changkyun disappeared with Kihyun on his arm. Mingyu showed no signs of having any intention to cease laughing.

“I leave him to your care, if he had been punched for your sake, you are dealing with him.” Seokmin smirked then patted Wonwoo’s shoulder; following Changkyun’s suit. Wonwoo was smiling so hard the dimple was digging deeper into his cheek.

_I keep getting punched._ He was laughing harder than the joke –as it was to him- credited.

“Please let’s take this outside, you are gonna draw attention once again.” Wonwoo said with a reasonable tone.

“I’m sorry, but this’s just so funny.” Mingyu managed to sound coherent at last. “I need a mirror, Goddammit, I can’t!” He proceeded with the laughter Wonwoo basically pushed him into the back yard.

 

“Where’s your bike?” Wonwoo said as they were in the yard. Mingyu paused laughing for a second trying to say something but failed and went on laughing. Wonwoo was in no condition to have Mingyu in his care because he himself was on the verge of laughing his ass out.

“What the heck, Mingyu, are you a masochist?” Wonwoo turned to hide his laughing face away and ruffled his hair.

“This guy had an entitlement complex; I don’t know what was wrong with him.” Mingyu was doubled over in spite the compulsive laughter. “This is hilarious, I have not laughed like that for years.”

“Well yea, it wasn’t serious I had to break up with him properly.” Wonwoo smiled, “What a weird sense of humour, guess I won’t have to apologize for your face if this made you laugh as hard.”

Mingyu couldn’t take this anymore, he fell on the grass, almost in the pool if Wonwoo hadn’t grabbed him by his jacket last second, and he himself fell down in the process. They both started laughing hysterically again, ignoring all the stares directed from the very few people that were making out in the yard. They were holding onto each other as they laughed and their bend legs beneath them tangling together. They look like kids. Purely laughing. As if there were no care or evil in the world.

After a while, when they had relatively calmed down Wonwoo asked, “Are you drunk? No wait, I mean are you in a condition to drive your bike? I have to leave soon since I put off my leaving time from two days ago so…” He wiped a fallen tear.

“As drunk as you always see me in Diamond.” Mingyu said, knowing he had gotten the point across, lying on his back for a while.

“Ah, right, your ability to stand drinks is inhumane.” Wonwoo said getting up then extending his hand to Mingyu. To Wonwoo’s own surprise, Mingyu took it without the slightest hesitation.

 

Wonwoo walked him to his bike. “I’m sorry.” He said with a tone Mingyu thought it reflected embarrassment or something.

“Naaah, now I have the two sides bruised now, I owe him to be honest.” Mingyu flashed his cheek to Wonwoo. “I actually enjoyed tonight.” He nodded and started up his bike up before Wonwoo could say anything.

 

 

 

Wonwoo was still standing trying to digest Mingyu’s last words. He slapped the palm of his hands against the steering wheel of the rental car as Mingyu’s words echoed in his mind. Brining up a bright colour to his cheeks. _I should be too old for this._

He didn’t feel good about all of this, everything about Wonwoo was a one-time thing, his decisions, his feelings, his attitude. Everything about his inconsistencies; it was almost a joke how he could have his old habits the only thing remaining intact in spite of all his whims.

_Mingyu’s pretty face._

_Mingyu’s amulet._

_Mingyu’s witty talk._

_Mingyu’s sketch._

Thoughts of Mingyu kept him awake as he drove.

 

 


	4. Emotional Move

 

 

It was past one in the morning by the time Mingyu had set feet in his apartment. Should he have woken up after seven and should it have not been a long day as he anticipated, he would not have flanked the bed after only taking his shoes off. He didn’t even bother pulling the shades; not that he did any night, he doubted he would awake after the sun had risen, he even considered taking them off since they were hardly of any use to him. For a split of a second he toyed with the thought of making coffee and spending the night with his drawings. He threw a last glance at the dark sky that didn’t show any signs of a long autumn night.

_Just when would it rain? T_ hat was the last thing he saw before he lost himself to sleep.

Mingyu lost count of how many times a phone call was the reason his sleep was disturbed, or worse –as often was the case-, was the reason he woke up. With only one eye opened he groggily reached for the phone and looked at the screen, his eyes couldn’t adjust to the light. He took the call and mumbled something that sounded in sleep-language like the English equivalent of ‘yes’.

“I know you’ll probably hang up, but you are my last resort, Mingyu-yah…” the voice said.

_Mingyu-yah, of course, should have figured._

“Do you have a wrist-watch, Wonwoo?” Mingyu said drowsily.

“I don’t. But if you want to know the time, it’s 3:16 precisely, I know you’d kill me for this later, but please keep my company.” Wonwoo said.

“I’m glad you know how you are meeting your end.” Mingyu was slowly falling asleep.

“I won’t be able to meet it by _your_ hands if I actually fell asleep now, I’m driving, just keep talking to me, it’s no big deal.”

Mingyu yawned. “I was asleep you know, the day has been a drag, you should have called someone else…”

“Your words are trailing, I can tell how tired you are, it won’t be for long, just a few minutes or something would be enough to revive me.”

“Call someone else you insensitive bastard!” Mingyu couldn’t muster enough energy to make this sound sharp or cold.

“I want to talk to you, what’s so wrong with that? You are already awake and are doing a great job,” Wonwoo chuckled. “You just have to keep this going, Gyu.”

“We do nothing but bicker all the time, what’s so fun about my company.” It was rhetorical.

“I can write a novel on that but unfortunately I don’t have the talent,” Wonwoo was laughing, that made Mingyu smile a bit however it didn’t chase away his tiredness. “Speaking of which, I have been wondering how you knew I don’t have that scar.”

“Hm?” Mingyu mumbled, sleep trying to pave its way forth.

“That guy back then…”

“My guts…”

“That’s not enough; I thought you never uttered something you are not sure of.”

Mingyu was getting more bored; he didn’t have enough energy to spare an explanation for something as trivial; however the mere thought of Wonwoo noticing such a simple fact about Mingyu gave Wonwoo enough credit that he replied, “Correct, but it was a gamble. The odds were in my favour, his reactions to my words, the way his smug smile wavered … he pondered for too long before saying what he wanted about the scar. And he made a mistake.”

“I’m listening.”

“Seriously, did you wake me up for that? For fuck’s sakes, Wonwoo!” Mingyu wasn’t even angry for the anger to prevail in his words.

“Just tell me.”  
Mingyu had to cut to the chase. “The likelihood of someone as narcissistic as you getting a scar while having sex is almost nonexistent,”

Wonwoo laughed too loud that Mingyu had to wince, wondering how energetic he can be at three in the morning.

“Well, played, Kim Mingyu. Well played.” Mingyu heard something rattling on the other end, then he heard something that sounded like munching.

 

 “Now please keep me accompanied for a little bit more.” Wonwoo said while eating, obviously.

“You know, I was reading this interesting book the other day,” Mingyu said after another yawn, he shifted in bed to his side and kept the phone between the pillow and his ear as he let his hand dangle from the side.

“Yes? What was it about it?” Wonwoo asked between the munches.

“Let me tell you without interruptions, moron.” Mingyu’s voice was monotonous.

“Go on, chief.” Wonwoo was laughing again.

“The author tried to negate a few Physics and Mathematics fundamentals. You know if you have a right-angled triangle at, say, B, you can apply Pythagoras perfectly, by the equation the square of b equals the square of a in addition to that of c. He was trying to say that if that’s true then we can assume the cube of b equals the cube of c plus the cube of a … to explain this I have to explain some claim that relies on contradicting the Pythagoras theorem. The claim is to assume that a plus c is less than or equal to b. Algebraically, you can square a and c and the hypotenuse b and get that a squared, two ac, c squared are less than or equal to b squared-“

“Mingyu, I don’t feel like dying while listening to some mathematicians with so much time on their hand ranting about absurd shit!” Wonwoo half-snapped.

“I thought you knew nothing about Maths,” a third even more monotonous yawn by Mingyu “but you know absurdities, amazing.”

“I don’t even know about that, please change the subject, I’m not going to hang up.”

“Would you like to hear about particles of Physics? I recall a spectacular argumentative theory since my college days-”

Again Mingyu’s enlightening session was interrupted. “With that monotonous voice? I think I’ll pass.” Wonwoo sounded a bit frustrated. “What’s with people I like being into nerdy shit. Damn you, Hyung!” He cursed.

“You are missing out on a lot, the Pythagoras one is refreshing, it works out one’s mind to realize seeing nothing in this universe is considered having a good eye-sight.”

Wonwoo laughed at that one, Mingyu’s eyes were still closed and his voice dropping more, not losing any of its monotony. “As for the Physics one, it tried to negate the fact Einstein said time travelling through a wormhole or otherwise is impossible,”

“Goddammit, Mingyu, I don’t feel like returning to high-school’s boring classes,” Wonwoo wasn’t angry, he was chuckling. “You are a good teacher, I’d like you to teach me this privately … later.”

Mingyu was silent, part of it willingly, part of it because he needed to sleep.

“So what are you wearing?” Wonwoo asked.

“I’m hanging up.” Mingyu said and did as such, leaving the phone on the pillow then he tried to drift to sleep again.

_As if you’ll flirt with me._

It didn’t take long for Mingyu to feel the phone buzzing, he cancelled. Wonwoo called again, once more, he gave it a third go, at the fourth time, Mingyu was irritated enough he got out of bed and stared at his reflection at the glass façade as he picked up the phone, an utter mess he was.

“Wonwoo, I’ll fucking blow your head off!” Mingyu spat.

Wonwoo was chuckling at the cousin of a bluff on Mingyu’s part. “I see! So you are awake enough now.”

Mingyu took a deep breath, regaining his composure. “I’m gonna send you flying, I’m not using any figures of speech,” he said then smirked.  
Mingyu only heard half of the _what_ Wonwoo had said before the phone left his hand, broke the glass and was flying midair in the dark night.  
“Goodnight!” Mingyu shouted loudly and went back to his bed, this time he did succeed at feeling sleepy again after being awoken by a stupid phone call.

 

He wondered why he hasn’t done this earlier. Throwing the phone away was the best solution; he was going to have to buy a new phone soon. He stood looking at the broken mirror, at his fake reflection, internally smirking while considering a few alternatives to the word ‘salvation’.

_How long is too long? How long till it ends?_

Mingyu smiled and drifted to good old sleep.

 

****

****

Wonwoo returned two nights later a little bit after seven; just before his shift started. Having been cut off after Mingyu had thrown his phone, Wonwoo wanted to meet him. He freshened up quickly and headed to Diamond in high-spirits.

Just as he entered the staff room, Heechul asked him if he would like serving as a waiter or as a musician for the night, he chose the former, to everyone’s astonishment. Wonwoo seldom refused playing; he would even go to unimaginable measures to avoid working as well. Good thing only Heechul and Hyuna were present, if they, the most and second most reasonable two on the staff, were this surprised then how would the others react, Wonwoo smiled in spite of the fleeting silly thought.

“What happened to more fun less work thesis of yours?” Heechul asked, skeptic to the max.

“I’m applying it at the moment actually.” Wonwoo said tying his apron, he threw a glance at Hyuna, fidgeted in his pocket and got out a lollipop, then he gave it to her.

“Wonwoo, are you okay? Since when are you selfless enough to share your sweets?” Hyuna reached for Wonwoo’s forehead as if to check his temperature. Wonwoo took of the paper wrap and shoved the thing in Hyuna’s mouth.

“I like you better when you are not talking.” He said with amiability that contrasted with what he had just done, he peered outside from the glass slit in the door.

“So that’s why.” Hyuna said as she pushed Wonwoo’s hand, he stuck out his tongue then left.

He heard Hyuna shout something after him, probably telling him to stop flirting at work.

 

He was glad he chose the waiter gag for the night, for his objective was sitting at his customary table; he could see someone else sitting with him. For the first time, Wonwoo saw Mingyu with a food plate on the table, his companion -a guy he had not seen in Changkyun’s birthday party- was eating unlike Mingyu, and of course there was a drink to Mingyu’s side, a strong one. The guy seemed around their age, neatly dress with a vain attempt at a wild look that even Wonwoo could tell contrasted with his personality. For some reason, he thought the guy looked too timid, maybe even stiff.

_Boring._

Wonwoo decided to downplay ‘Mingyu’ for the moment, he started taking orders, smiling politely every now and then, he never hated being the centre of attention and his looks often did the trick, yet he wanted to lay low for the night.

After delivering three orders, Wonwoo had thrown another glance in Mingyu’s direction, he wasn’t sure if he had been nagging Mingyu so much that he had gotten used to seeing his bad side or that Mingyu’s smiles fooled him less tonight, not that it ever did, but comparatively speaking. He decided to try another new thing tonight, what a night of surprises that was.

He took a deep breath to quell his smile and gestured to the bartender then he started walking to the outside table after talking briefly with him, he took the bottle of wine along with a bill from the counter.

“Good evening, gentlemen.” Wonwoo said with _the_ smile and refilled Mingyu’s glass, he didn’t look at Mingyu’s eyes at all.

“Mingyu-hyung, did you order this?” the guy said, now that Wonwoo had a close up he could tell the guy was younger than he gave him credit for.

“You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to, Minghao.” Mingyu smiled. The guy’s face lit up needlessly.

Wonwoo took a few seconds to think of a scenario. He had always hated Mingyu’s smile. He spotted Hyuna at the opposite table, she was just starting to leave to tend to her order, he saw her shaking her head, he smiled at her then she sighed in resignation before taking a few steps forward.

Swiftly, the bottle’s upper part hit the glass and it spilled on the guy who went by the name ‘Minghao’, the poor guy was paralyzed, he didn’t even stand up as a reflex or look at Wonwoo in contempt.

_Too timid, what a shame._

Hyuna was instantly standing by Wonwoo’s side, with a napkin.

“I’m so sorry, it was my fault my workmate got distracted, please accept my deepest apologies.” She was wiping his shirt, still no scene was caused.

“I’m so sorry,” Wonwoo lied with a mild smile, he turned to Mingyu. “You don’t have to pay for that drink… sir” Wonwoo couldn’t see Mingyu’s mouth as his fingers were on his lips, but he could tell his eyes were smiling.

Minghao was engrossed by the pretty young lady wiping his shirt as she apologized and he kept repeating it was fine.

“Minghao, there’s a rest-room, you don’t want to keep pretty women kneeling down like that.” Mingyu pressed his smile, it wasn’t just _the smile_ for Wonwoo but also it felt like it couldn’t be escaped, as if it forced you to do as told.

The boy mustered enough courage to put his hand on Hyuna’s shoulder. “T-thank you so much, I’ll take it from here.” He said coyly and they both stood up, she bowed as he made his way to the restroom. She turned to Mingyu and forced Wonwoo to bow as she forced his head down.

“Jeez, you have some muscles for a chick.” Wonwoo whispered as they were half fake-bowing.

“This is the last time you do that, I won’t cover for you anymore,” she straightened up.

Wonwoo looked at her. “I don’t remember asking you to, Hyuna.” He sung her name.

She smiled then left, avoiding the customer’s gaze whom she took his order earlier. Wonwoo didn’t know how on earth this scene didn’t attract attention.  


“Did you not find anything tackier?” Mingyu asked raising an eyebrow.

“I just thought the situation needed to be tackier, you know, having a dinner with someone you dislike and acting nice and all.” Wonwoo mocked. “Your way of talking pisses me off; it’s not even remotely nice…” he was serious now.

“You are one to talk! You are the one who’s too silver-tongued, _your_ smile puts people out of their comfort zone and make them cautious.”  
“What?” Mingyu asked indifferently.

Wonwoo would have used the same term to describe Mingyu. He fell silent for a second, he wasn’t smiling. His eye went from flirting to cunning in a blink.

“See? That’s exactly what I mean.” Mingyu said enthusiastic with victory that he had just made a point. “Your eyes just … flipped!” He regained his even tone. “You’re too cunning Jeon Wonwoo.”

It was the way Mingyu said the sentence that made Wonwoo’s sharp ‘cunning’ eyes remain. He didn’t like anyone seeing anything about him. Unspoken privacy of his.

“You have less than a minute before he shows up,” Wonwoo began, deliberately burying the subject.

Mingyu smirked. “That could have cost you your job.”

“Heechul-sshi won’t give me the boot, you don’t have to worry about me.” Wonwoo started untying the apron’s knot after he had left the bottle on the table.

_He owes him, he can’t kick me._

“Do you or do you not want to get out of here?” He took out Mingyu’s receipt from the pocket and shook his hand.

Mingyu gave him a mocking smile. “I feel offended to be asked such a question.” Mingyu stood straight, reached for his back-pocket -his wallet- and left the money.

“You _are_ paying for the drink…” Wonwoo said folding the apron on his arm.

“Already did.”

“You are not waiting for him to come back?” Wonwoo’s inquisition was extremely doubtful.

“Do I look like a guy who waits? Actually, don’t answer that.”

“Let’s go then.” Wonwoo was now two steps ahead of Mingyu.

“I’m not responsible if you lose your job.” Mingyu shrugged and began walking by Wonwoo’s side.

“I know you are not.”

 

“Where are you taking me?” Mingyu asked.

“It’s a surprise.” Wonwoo turned his head to grin at Mingyu. They were walking in a street with hardly any lights, Mingyu turned off his phone and Wonwoo texted Hyuna telling her that he had left and that the bill was paid.

After ten minutes of slow walking and idle chatter, they stopped in front of a building that didn’t look remotely inhibited, although the area wasn’t isolated. There was a high gate before them.

“Come on, boost me up.” Wonwoo turned to Mingyu, making ushering signs with his hands. Wonwoo followed Mingyu’s gaze, he wasn’t shocked, nor was he confused, he probably wanted to call Wonwoo insane. The gate couldn’t possibly be trespassed, it was over three meters and half high, maybe even four.

It was understandable as the building was eleven storeys high.

Mingyu took a step forward, his hands worked as the booster. Wonwoo took a step back then lurched forward with a jump that reinforced him and successfully threw him at the top of the gate which Wonwoo clang to singlehandedly.

“Are you sure you can do this?” Mingyu asked, mostly making sure Wonwoo wouldn’t die.

Wonwoo cleared his throat. “ ‘I feel offended to be asked such a question’ …” he was still dangling and his attempt to imitate Mingyu’s voice resulted in Mingyu laughing and as usual Wonwoo’s laughs soon followed, which made him almost fall. He composed himself again, swung a bit then threw his bodyweight forward, in less than five seconds he was at the other side of the gate. Wonwoo looked at the rusty chains and lock that locked the gate from the inside. He could see Mingyu getting bored.

“It’s restricted.” Mingyu said, not knowing where he wanted to get with that statement.

“Please loosen up a bit, I’m not going to kill someone. The government has more to care about then simply two guys breaking into a restricted building.” Wonwoo said rolling his eyes, not stopping what he was doing.

Mingyu smiled. “Okay, I’m leaving now.” Mingyu was obviously bluffing, however he did turn.

“Trust me, it won’t take much to break that, wait,” Wonwoo finished his sentence and kicked the lock with the heel of his leg, he didn’t put much force into the kick and like that, the lock broke.

Mingyu whistled and pushed the gate opened, a sign of a good impression.

“Told you.” Wonwoo said smugly as he took Mingyu’s hand and led him forward.

“I don’t see the point in bothering to lock such a building, it looks haunted. And I have no idea what your intentions are ...” They were taking the stairs.

“But you are playing along with it.” Wonwoo added, as if Mingyu had forgotten this major detail.

“Yes. I’m bored.” He climbed the last three stairs of the second storey.

“Right. I hope you are fit enough to go all the way up the eleven storeys.” Wonwoo’s breathing was steady.

“The roof, I see.”

Wonwoo studied Mingyu’s expression from the corner of his eye. “I expected you to say something witty, maybe insulting my slim body.”

“Why are you always trying to put words on my tongue?” Mingyu eyed Wonwoo playfully.

“Maybe that’s what I do, making scripts for people to live by.” Wonwoo returned the playful look.

They had just passed the fifth storey, neither of them felt any kind of fatigue.

“I thought you came back tonight,”

“I did,” Wonwoo paused and turned to look at Mingyu who bumped into him in spite of the sudden halt. “And I’m here, if you mean why I’m not tired, then I have no clue either.” He chuckled and kept going forward.

“Seriously, I never thought you had it in you.” Mingyu said, he stepped on Wonwoo’s untied shoelace, Wonwoo fell two steps back only to bump into Mingyu who steadied him.

“I take that back, you are nowhere near athletic.” Chuckled, he pushed away Wonwoo. It was the eighth storey.

“You are so mean, even for me.”

“I’m flattered.”

One minute later, Wonwoo was kicking the roof’s door open. In front of them, on the furthest part near the ledge was a huge banner, it wasn’t lightened nonetheless. Albeit it wasn’t winter yet, the night’s wind was whirling, maybe it had something to do with them being on the roof.

 

“If we made it here,” Mingyu said, Wonwoo couldn’t see him, he could swear he was just next to him like three seconds ago. He heard a muffled sound. “Then I’m getting even higher!” Mingyu literally screamed the last part with zeal that couldn’t help but get Wonwoo excited as well. Wonwoo’s laughter was involuntarily, he knew where Mingyu was, he ran to the banner, climbed it from the back and threw his body in a high arc, and surprisingly, landed right on his legs -instead of neck- on the banner with a low thud.

The banner was two meters wide, almost three meters high with a one meter ledge on which he stood perfectly balanced.

“Why are we here again?” Mingyu asked looking dreamily at the sky.

“I wanted to be alone with you, Gyu.” Wonwoo hardly left any place between the two of them, he threw his hand around Mingyu’s neck, exerting some effort due to their slight height difference. And for what it was worth, Wonwoo wasn’t lying.

“I’m trying to get to know you cause you are my friend,” Wonwoo didn’t leave place for misinterpretations; his tone was highly mocking and had zero earnestness.

Mingyu scoffed. “You know what, it’s quite easy to form a picture of how you got by in your life, you needed nothing but that smooth tongue of yours.” Mingyu said holding Mingyu’s chin up.

Wonwoo’s gaze was steady; he pushed Mingyu’s hands and said, “I can think of a thing or two my tongue can do other than what you mentioned.”

Mingyu whistled/ “Lover boy, have some clemency on me, I might melt in the cold breeze of the night. I don’t feel like dying on a lovers’ night.”

“Then why did you agree?”

“I hate solitude, as I said you are a nice way of killing time.” Mingyu answered simply. Falling silent later, Wonwoo suspected he regretted saying that. It was ludicrous how he felt attracted to Mingyu, as if there were a magnetic field surrounding them and pulling them together.

“Tell me something you’d blurt out if you were under the influence,” Wonwoo begun, focusing on the slight movement of Mingyu’s irises in the dark. “Something you had always wanted to tell someone but never found that right someone.” For the briefest part of a second Wonwoo could swear that triggered an emotion on Mingyu’s face. It was brief yet it was long enough.

“I’m someone who would willingly take a truth serum to know things about myself that I don’t know the answers to.” Mingyu said, his eyes were smiling. “Answers that I desperately sought.”

“You astound me, Mingyu. You always catch me off guard. Like I can’t tell anything when it comes to you. Hearing you talk about truth as if it was something corporal while you talk incorporeally about things that should be count as one … it’s overwhelming.” Wonwoo was slowly falling into the abyss, he was approaching it with a reluctant will yet confident steps. “Truth is subjective.”

The sound that came out of Mingyu’s lungs wasn’t quite what one would call ‘laughter’, it was genuine but it didn’t sound quite right, it seemed to be engulfed in darkness as well as its owner.

“Spoken with so much modesty.”

Wonwoo was about to object, Mingyu went on.

“True that. What I’d regard as truth can be a lie in your perspective. It’s subjective because it depends on the eye of the beholder, like beauty and ugliness. It all depends on how you define such abstract words and how abstract you see your world. Mere interpretations remain.” Wonwoo only felt the soft touch against his cheek, his heart leapt. “Do you think forgiving is easy?” Mingyu was whispering.

Wonwoo paused thoughtfully, intaking the question fully. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes throughout my life so I don’t think I’m entitled to speak about forgiveness, but that too, I can’t tell. I was taught it’s a hard thing, but…” he trailed off, biting his lips. He touched Mingyu’s hands and took a step in his direction, gazing into his eyes.

“Wrong doings are …” Mingyu paused, changing the course of his speech. He cleared his throat then added, “Some people taught me forgiveness isn’t easy but it’s worth it if _they_ were worth it.” Mingyu paused again, Wonwoo’s wide eyes were watching Mingyu stare off into space like usual. Witnessing new aspects of his character.

Wonwoo smiled as he cast his eyes down. “And that’s another thing that is subjective, right and wrong I mean. Even if I did something wrong why would I live all my life wallowing in sorrow?”

“Because that thing was wrong it shouldn’t be let off with such leniency…” Something about Mingyu’s tone made it sound like a question.

“That’s one way of putting it, but one mistake doesn’t define you.” Wonwoo looked firmly into Mingyu’s eyes, still trying to pinpoint the ‘odd’ feeling about Mingyu’s oddly soft expression, it didn’t look affectionate, it simply looked out of place.

Mingyu backed down the step that Wonwoo closed not a minute ago. “You’re quite something, I give that to you.” He said, letting his eyes linger on Wonwoo’s face, following with laughter again. Wonwoo found that very amusing.  


Wonwoo took a step forward and what happened later was most unimaginable. One second Mingyu was standing before him, the other Mingyu was dangling from the banner, holding on with his right hand while his body was swiftly swayed by the air. Neither Wonwoo nor Mingyu spoke, both wrapped up in thought.

Wonwoo laughed, it was a bit strained. “What’s it champ, you can’t keep your balance?”

It was as if the last five minutes never recurred.

“Funny.” Mingyu answered, he didn’t seem to be suffering however the position was very compromising.

“Hurry up and climb up, if you fall there’s a chance about this big you might die.” Wonwoo crouched and offered his hand to Mingyu. Mingyu regarded it stilly, he looked over his shoulder, down, then he looked at Wonwoo again and smirked.

_Fuck._

“Oh no, you can’t be serious!” Wonwoo exclaimed. “Just take my hand and climb up already, I won’t leave this place with a dead body,” Wonwoo was serious, his system became alert, Mingyu’s eyes weren’t bluffing.

“Thank you-“

“For fuck’s sake, Mingyu, that’s too high, the stairs are too far.” Wonwoo cut Mingyu’s sentence with a stern expression, extending his hand further.

_That’s at least five meters away._

“-But I won’t die.” Mingyu said as if he was never interrupted, and he let go. He was right; there was a fire-escape beneath him. But also the pavement was beneath; it all depended on how one defined the word ‘beneath’.

Wonwoo saw Mingyu falling, he looked away instantly, three seconds later he heard something crashing into metal, even if he reached the stairs, he could be injured. Wonwoo’s next move wasn’t in the least calculated, he just moved out of sheer momentum, he jumped, ready to feel the hard impact. He fell on something that wasn’t hard, he heard a moan.

“If I wasn’t injured from the jump, your jump just pushed my head against the wall, thanks genius.” Mingyu said from beneath.

Wonwoo sighed, relieved. His hands were on Mingyu’s chest and each leg was on one side of Mingyu’s abdomen, he looked at Mingyu’s unwavering eyes and laughed.

“Are you planning on getting off me any time soon?”

“Frankly speaking, I wasn’t, I’ll consider it though.”

“Get off me.” Mingyu demanded.

“Shut up or I’m kissing you.” Wonwoo plastered the most flirtatious grin on his face. He was joking about kissing Mingyu, but the latter seemed not to believe his sincere feelings.

Wonwoo felt something against his cheek, obviously the strand of hair he always tucked behind his ear fell to his face and seemingly a hand was tucking it back; Mingyu’s hand. It touched his cheek briefly, he thought he saw Mingyu looking at his own hand.

“Why are you so bent on me?” Mingyu asked softly after he was done.

Wonwoo missed no beat. “Because you are the kind of person who’d not take an extended hand even though you would have died.”

Wonwoo knew Mingyu couldn’t trust him… yet.

He looked away. Wonwoo got off him, but rolled next to him even though geometrically it was impossible to make space for both of them.

“Are you comfortable?” Mingyu asked.

“Comfortable enough to spend the night here.”

“Can you even see clearly?”

Wonwoo was taken aback by the question, his eyes almost popped out of their sockets as he turned his head to look at Mingyu who was waging his finger.

_Shit._

“I would have said _I didn’t know you were Heterochromic_ but then I remember I don’t care enough to ask you any kind of personal questions.”

“I won’t be guilt-tripped, Gyu.” Wonwoo took off the other eye-contact from his left eye.

They fell into the sullen silence.

“It looks very pretty.” Mingyu said getting up.

“Yes, cause one crimson eye resulting from genes fucking up can always be very pretty.” Wonwoo paused “Genes fucking up.” He said to himself, recalling a distant memory.

“Back in the days when I was young, I knew someone who was very fond of Heterochromia,” Mingyu was leaning on the handle, brooding.

Wonwoo got up, standing beside him. “Past tense, hmm … Let me guess, your ex?” he asked jokingly.

A joyless laugh. “Let’s go.” Mingyu said, turning around, Wonwoo held him by the jacket.

“That person didn’t die right?” He asked dubiously, curious. For some reason Mingyu’s last laugh was painful to hear.

Mingyu pressed his lips into a thin line. “I hate serious conversations, let’s leave already.”   
This time Mingyu didn’t wait for Wonwoo, he jumped another flight. Wonwoo could only move by the time Mingyu had jumped another flight of stairs.

  
\----

 

Wonwoo had made sure he had Mingyu’s new number before they parted. He kept casually texting him for a week and they set a date to meet on October third, it was Mingyu who picked the place, but Wonwoo set the time, it was somewhere near midnight which was ridiculous but Mingyu was accustomed to how eerily Wonwoo was built up.

Wonwoo was killing time after his morning shift and before his date with Mingyu. He went to a bar and met a drinking buddy. Wonwoo stayed with him for two hours, when he left it was getting toward nine, he had drunk at least seven shots –don’t forget the beers-, and the flirting with the drinking body escalated a bit, thus had no clue how he could see. He was stark drunk but his face didn’t show that, his tottering indicated he wasn’t quite sober.

He thought he had seen Mingyu getting into a high fancy building, he was glad he looked respectable, somehow he managed to answer the security man about his destination. “Kim Mingyu,” he had said showing the guy the mail they had exchanged earlier saying they had to meet up at eleven, however it said nothing about the place being here. The man looked dubious for a second then he shrugged and told him to go to the eighth floor.

Normally, the security should notify Mingyu.

Wonwoo was doing fine until he punched the elevator’s button, he wanted to punch the person who constructed it, it was wrapped in glass, viewing the outside, exposing him. He couldn’t yet let his drunkenness show, not until he was out of sight. It was only one door in the eighth floor. He knocked on the door, his head growing heavy and vision blurry.

_Shit I shouldn’t have drank that much._

Wonwoo’s sense of time wasn’t reliable, he couldn’t tell if Mingyu took too long to open up the door or he simply thought so. Wonwoo saw Mingyu as if in dream-like state…  
Mingyu was shirtless and Wonwoo saw a viper starting from his chest to his abdomen; he wanted to tell Mingyu to watch out for the snake around his neck but he only let himself in, bumping into Mingyu then falling literally on him. However, he was still on his feet, he felt Mingyu’s hands around his waist, steadying him, he liked the feeling.  
  _Are you drunk?_ Mingyu was muttering. Wonwoo laughed drunkly.  
_A very bad idea the shots were._

He couldn’t tell the colours.

_Wow everything looks black and white now._

“We were celebrating!” Wonwoo managed not to slur as he looked up to meet Mingyu’s eyes. He broke free from his grasp, paying no attention to Mingyu’s protests and questions; he thought he heard him ask about the celebration. Wonwoo could see a bed, he threw himself on it, lying horizontally on the bed on his stomach then he threw off his shoes. He was soon out as fast as a light flicked off.  


Wonwoo woke up with a start, he was screaming, holding his head and putting his hands on his ears while shaking his head viciously. It was completely dark, he couldn’t control his screams, he wasn’t even able to tell if he was dreaming or not, if he was screaming or not, but there was livid searing pain in his head that made him want to tear at his skull, forcing it open.

He heard someone shout the word _stop!_ He wished he could.

Hands were pulling his away from his ear, steadying them, he finally realized he wasn’t screaming, or he was but no voice was coming out. Waves of smarting pain shot through his body. Mingyu’s expression was unreadable to Wonwoo, he looked panicked, trying to compose himself, frantically looking at him muttering what might have been words of reassurance.

Wonwoo only stopped resisting Mingyu’s hands after a second from Mingyu’s lips touching his. Wonwoo tore with his nails at Mingyu’s neck at first, but that didn’t break their kiss, Mingyu was still kissing him. He heard a loud screeching slithering sound in his head and thought that made him faint as Mingyu kissed him. That was the last thing Wonwoo remembered, or the most recent thing he couldn’t remember.

 

Wonwoo felt a hand touch his cheek, he blinked himself awake, he saw Mingyu’s image, closed his eyes then reopened them, Mingyu was lying on the bed touching his cheek, playing with his hair.

“What time is it?” he mumbled sleepily.

“Almost four in the morning.” Mingyu said, studying his puzzled expression. “I can tell you are confused. You got your ass stark drunk and I don’t know how you came to my apartment but you did some time before ten, you answered none of my questions and collapsed on my bed. That is about what happened.” Mingyu got up. “I’ll make you coffee to clear your head, you wait here.”

Wonwoo rolled to his back, he noticed he could see darkness to his left, he looked and found it was a glass façade, memories from last night come back slowly, the glass elevator, the shots. He doesn’t remember seeing the insides of Mingyu’s apartment from the outside.

_Maybe it’s a mirror._

He looked around him to find Mingyu in the kitchen.

_What the hell where are the doors!?_

It took him a minute to realize the construction on this apartment was no less weird than its owner. He sat in bed, yawning. “Have I been asleep ever since? It feels like I didn’t sleep at all.”

Mingyu came back with two cups. “Yes, you have. But you kept twitching in your sleep as if you’d a nightmare, no wonder you feel like that.” He sat next to him on the bed and handed him the cup without meeting his eyes. Wonwoo thanked him.

He started taking sips, it tasted good.

“What were you dreaming of?” Mingyu asked.

Wonwoo was going to answer immediately, he tried to recall, it was there he could tell but it felt like a bar of soap, the harder he tried to cling to it the harder it slipped, it hurt his mind to try to think about it.

“I think I was too tired to not be able to remember my dream.” Wonwoo laughed, his laugh hiding the pain of not remembering. Mingyu opened his mouth to say something but Wonwoo was faster. “And are you a pervert now? Watching people in their sleep?” He lifted an eyebrow teasingly.

A smile tugged at Mingyu’s lips. “I’m a night-owl, besides someone had an appointment with me tonight.” He said meaningfully.

“I hope you weren’t stood up by that person.” Wonwoo answered jeeringly.

Mingyu laughed. “Naaah, he kept his promise.”

Wonwoo’s mind was overlooking something for so long, he finally noticed he had to ask. “What’s with the apartment? I feel like I’m on a chess board, the colours are so dull.”

“I’m sorry, next time I make renovations I’ll make sure to contact you, now get out of my bed.” Mingyu literally kicked him out of his bed. Wonwoo was soon up to his feet, facing a room that seemed like a painting room to his inexperienced eyes. He saw picture of a drawing pinned to the wooden board. He put down his cup and started walking towards it. He pulled it free and started examining it. It looked exactly like Mingyu’s tattoos...   


It all happened too quickly in Wonwoo’s mind. The gears that should spin in order to produce a decision were rusty enough that they, candidly speaking, couldn’t produce anything good.

He turned to Mingyu who didn’t look amused, he paced fast to him, he put one hand –his left- next to Mingyu’s thigh on the bed.

“When was the last time you did it?” Wonwoo asked, drawing nearer to Mingyu’s face who held ground.  
“Actually when was the last time you kissed someone? My assault doesn’t count of course.” Wonwoo saw Mingyu’s eyes shift to his lips, lingering there for a while.

“What are you suggesting?” Mingyu asked. Wonwoo let his right knee glide next to Mingyu’s other thigh, his right hand pushing Mingyu’s hair back as his palm stuck to the guy’s forehead.

“I’ll offer you a deal, I’ll be your fuck-buddy…” Wonwoo proposed with a tone that indicated it was a logical proposal. As if.

Mingyu was unfazed, not that it was hard to foresee. “What’s the catch?”

“No catch.”

“This’s not how life works, if you offer something, you need something in return.” Mingyu’s tone seemed passive aggressive.

“I just want your company, I’m open to new things plus I would like to see how good you are in bed. You can see I’m in for the sex.” Wonwoo smiled. Drawing a hidden comparison contradicting what he and what Mingyu wanted in a relationship.

“What makes you think I want to sleep with you?”

This time, Wonwoo didn’t want to answer with words, he pushed Mingyu back till he was flat on his back.

“Come on, now. Anyone would want to do it with me at least once.” Wonwoo’s sultry voice wasn’t the only frisky factor here, but also his demonic attitude and extreme arrogance about … everything.   
Wonwoo was going to proceed further but he stopped short when he saw Mingyu rolling his eyes and looking away.

“Get off me.”

“I won’t.”

Wonwoo was returning Mingyu’s long steady stare, he knew for the first time in his life he was rejected, he knew it was a lost cause, for the time being at least, however he wouldn’t let it be a complete defeat. “Mingyu, I truly want to be your friend,” he was pleading. He couldn’t stand the fact Mingyu didn’t want him, it was childish but the pain was unbearable.

“And do friends fuck nowadays?” Mingyu asked cynically.

“I want to be your friend, I know nothing about you and it’s killing me.” Wonwoo proceeded ignoring Mingyu’s recent comment. “It’s not fair, you are nice to everyone but me.”   
Wonwoo felt his voice breaking, he felt a lump at the back of his throat, he felt unnecessarily jaded, he got off Mingyu and turned his back to him, rubbing his eyes. A sob escaped his mouth, he wasn’t sure why he was on the verge of tears, but somehow things started flowing back, old memories, unshed tears, he cried often but he always knew why he did, this time he was clueless.

And rejection wasn’t the reason.

“Are those … tears?” Mingyu said, he was standing in front of Wonwoo now. “For fuck’s sakes, Wonwoo, you are such a fake hoe.”

Wonwoo wasn’t really listening, he couldn’t keep his tears back any longer, he looked Mingyu in the eye and his vision of him became blurry, his tears were uncaged now. He hated how easily he cried, he hated he was crying in front of the one person he never wanted to cry in front.

“Oh man!” Mingyu said face-palming. “Come on, go have a shower and come back, everything is going to be fine.”

Wonwoo fell to his knees, holding his head in hands, his body started shaking. Mingyu didn’t know what to do, he started making incomprehensible gestures, and he finally dropped to his knees as well, in front of Wonwoo.

Wonwoo heard a something breaking, he removed his hands to find Mingyu lying on the floor, he wasn’t sure but he looked as if he had just fallen, pieces of glass were on the floor and Mingyu’s hair and top were wet. The sight was so funny Wonwoo couldn’t resist laughing.

_Did the glass of water just shatter on his head?_

Wonwoo couldn’t believe this fast down-in-the-mouth act; he started laughing harder than he should. Mingyu didn’t interrupt him, he laughed until his stomach hurt.

“You are so fake you know that…” Mingyu said with a tone that sounded like sulking to Wonwoo.

“Shaddup! I was crying you know.” Wonwoo smacked Mingyu’s back.

“Well, it’s your fault for being weak. What are you, a teenage girl on her period? Grow a pair.” Mingyu ruffled his hair to get out the broken glass.

“I’m not weak, I always have a very legit reason for crying.” Wonwoo regretted saying those words as soon as they were out.

Mingyu looked at him seriously for a second. “You cry often… in front of people…?” He said the words as if Wonwoo had just proposed one of the most presumptuous ideas since the dawn of time. Wonwoo knew he would have to fix this, he sat square legged.

“I cry often, yes.” He decided it was okay to be truthful; something about the air around Mingyu was reassuring. Everything about Mingyu was. “Because once you are known to cry often even about stuff that might strike as trivial to others, it’ll be no longer your Achilles’ heel. When you cry about grave matters no one would know this has broken you, no one would be able to exploit it.” Wonwoo smiled boyishly at Mingyu who was just … _looking_ at Wonwoo.

Wonwoo didn’t know what to do anymore.

“I’m hot and I’m sleepy. Don’t wake me up.” Wonwoo slipped under the sheets after having stripped down to his underwear right in front of Mingyu’s eyes.

Wonwoo was prepared to hear Mingyu’s objections, but instead, the lamp’s light was turned off and Mingyu slipped under the sheets from the other side of the bed.


	5. Sham Sacrifice

 

Mingyu got a call from Wonwoo later that night, telling him to come at a party at a friend’s and he gave him the address. The seventeenth night of October was dying out at last. Mingyu had been lacking the social interaction in his system aside from the familiar faces; a party would so do him good.

Mingyu tried not to think much of how the previous night had gone. He only thought of Wonwoo who left in the morning, sober and on good terms with him. And that was the only thing he needed to know.

Mingyu kicked the kickstand and got off his bike, at first he questioned whether he had gotten the address right, he knew it wasn’t Wonwoo’s apartment; he said it was a friend’s. Plus, this wasn’t the place he ambushed Wonwoo at two months ago, that didn’t seem so long ago.

 

He didn’t have to knock; for the door was opened and it was crammed inside … it was loud too. He recognized some of the faces in the apartment, some of them were Diamond’s staff, a face was that of Changkyun’s boyfriend –now fiancé- and at least two or three girls he had never seen and a few guys. The air seemed pretty carefree however they seemed like they were about to leave. Mingyu smiled at the thought.

No one had noticed his presence as he set feet in the apartment, then a pretty lady got up with a plastic cup in hand and a red face, Mingyu surmised she was pretty drunk like everyone else and she fell against him unwillingly.

“You, mister,” she started slurring, playing with his cheeks now. “Are a one weird customer who needs a girlfriend soon because you are very … nice. Isn’t nice such a nice word? Nice…” she giggled as if a witty joke was cracked; she didn’t sound much coherent either. That was when everyone took notice of Mingyu’s presence; the chatter didn’t die down nevertheless.

Mingyu was amused, he did recognize the face; it was the girl he flirted with often when he had an end to meet.

“That explains why the party is going, if it’s not the lovely Nayeon, you look splendid tonight.” Mingyu flashed his sweet-coated smile; she blushed even more, if possible.

She stared at his face. “Have you always been this breathtaking?”

Her head lolled on her shoulders then it hit Mingyu’s chest. He looked at the crowd behind her and his lips shaped the word ‘My type of girls to be honest’ and he made a playful face.

A girl got up and said, “We’ll be taking her from here,” she took Nayeon, gestured for her friend who got up on turn, they put on their shoes and made for the door. “Happy birthday, Jeon!” She shouted from the door.

 

“You are not taking a seat?” Wonwoo asked after playfully thanking the girls from where he sat, not in the least drunk, at least not like the night before.

Mingyu looked at him with a smirk then clicked his tongue. “If you were fair enough, you’d have gotten up and asked me to take your place.”  
Mingyu didn’t intend that to be rude or showy or anything but that didn’t stop Wonwoo’s friends from cheering and hooting and clapping, it was very lively indeed, some even shouted _Burn!_ in approval. It was just that he usually found himself one of two people in Wonwoo’s company, that playful side of him was one of them.

Wonwoo threw his hands up in the air, got up and bowed dramatically for Mingyu to sit down. “I hope your majesty is satisfied.” He said with a weird accent.

Mingyu knew how to play it off, like hell he enjoyed Wonwoo’s company. Hence, he took his place. Mocking Wonwoo he said. “You are not taking a seat?”

“I would rather sit on your lap.” Wonwoo made enough space near Mingyu and sat in his lap as he threw his hands around his neck and looked deeply into his eyes. “It’s rude to have sex with someone and leave them early in the morning, were you raised in a barn, your majesty?”

More cheers.

Mingyu smiled heartily “I don’t recall sleeping with peasants. Know your place, you lowly life.”

Wonwoo drew his forehead near Mingyu’s and mumbled something softly. To say Mingyu minded this blatant flirtatiousness would be a lie.

“Eww, get a room you two.” Someone said.

“Someone stuff Jihoon’s pie hole with something, folks.” Wonwoo said without breaking their embrace.  
“Does Changkyun know you bat for that team?” Kihyun asked. He was wearing a pretty sleeveless orange tee and some shorts, the colour suited him and it brought out his figure nicely. The shorts didn’t prevent Kihyun from sitting next to them.

Mingyu laughed mildly and said, “Get off, Prince Charming, I won’t let myself be stigmatized as one of your flukes.”

Wonwoo pouted but got off and sat to Mingyu’s side.

“You see, Kihyun, Mingyu-yah here has rejected my sincere feelings and doesn’t even want to be my friend.”

Kihyun makes a sympathizing shocked face. “Oh my! How dare he, that snotty devil.” He punched Mingyu playfully.

He got up and took Wonwoo by the hand then He made Mingyu get up as well. “That’s enough, Mingyu,” He addressed Mingyu as the three of them stood at the door, “Please take him somewhere faraway from here, I have had enough of him for three lifetimes.” Both Mingyu and Wonwoo laughed but they were pushed and the door was slammed in their faces.

“What a lovely gentleman he is.” Mingyu said turning around.

Wonwoo was going to respond but the door was opened again. “Happy birthday you jerk, you are one year closer to death, I hope you get STD and die soon.” Kihyun shouted, full volume and he threw a small box that hit Wonwoo’s head.

Wonwoo laughed too loud, took the box then said, “Very, _very,_ lovely.”

They were about to leave, but the door opened once more, Kihyun showed at the door. “You!” He said sternly narrowing his eyes and pointing his index finger at Mingyu, he basically marched to where they stood bare-foot. Mingyu watched him as if he were an entertainment show, which Kihyun might have been. He held Mingyu’s head steadily between his hands and looked him deeply and firmly in the eye.

“Don’t throw away your life. Don’t sleep with him, don’t hang out much around him … Actually, just walk out while you still can.” He was instructing Mingyu as Wonwoo laughed again. Kihyun turned and started leaving, paused again. “You seem like a nice guy, don’t get mingled with the likes of him, don’t let this trickster fool you, Mingyu.”

This time Mingyu too was laughing. They watched the door slam shut.

“Quite a reputation you have.” Mingyu teased.

“You flatter me too much.”

Mingyu stood in front of his bike then looked at Wonwoo, he paused for a second.

“What? You are not taking me somewhere romantic where we can flirt then end up having drunk-up sex?” Wonwoo tried to sound serious.

Mingyu just couldn’t help his laughter, he was a free spirit but this was inexplicable to him, the situation was ridiculous. He can’t take Wonwoo anywhere even if he wanted.

“Let me ask you this, do you think I’d let you ride my bike … _behind_ me?” Mingyu lifted an eyebrow. Something in Wonwoo’s kinky expression made him quickly say, “Please, don’t answer that.”

Mingyu took Wonwoo’s hand and said, “Come, we are walking aimlessly till your feet bleed then.”

 

It was just like that day in the park, they walked and talked as if they were the chummiest buddies ever, their walk lasted an hour before they stopped on a small bridge above a lake. Mingyu looked across at the water. He suddenly felt nostalgic.

“Why the long face?” Wonwoo asked, standing next to him.

Mingyu shook his head, indicating it was nothing.

“Say, Mingyu, are we friends?”

“Huh?” Mingyu was taken aback.

“I’m asking you a simple question, are we friends?”

“Hmm,” Mingyu began as if weighing various answers, “I guess we can be defined as friends, yes.”

“Then why don’t I know anything about you?”

“You are one to talk, what do I know about you?” Mingyu was only the slightest bit defensive.

“Perfect. I’m Jeon Wonwoo, I just turned twenty-four, I work as a waiter at Diamond. I can play the guitar, I hate fish, blue is my favourite colour, I love my beanie, I lost my parents at young age, I didn’t go to college, I love parties and getting wild-” Wonwoo was systematically blurting until Mingyu muffled his voice with his hand.

“Easy there!” He didn’t put his hand away until he saw that Wonwoo was no longer talking.

“I just want to know you,” Wonwoo said with too much honesty it almost moved Mingyu.

Mingyu bit his lip pensively. “I hate serious talks,”

“I’ll do the talking, you just listen.” For some reason Mingyu knew he had already bitten the bait. Y _ou can’t just listen to someone passively_. He shrugged.

“What was that about the beanie again? Are you really a child?” Mingyu asked to lighten the subject.

“It was the last thing I got from …” Wonwoo caught himself mid-sentence, “You know what, it’s no fair me telling you everything while I know nothing about you.”

Mingyu mused again. “I’m willing to answer your questions,” He thought being a little nice won’t hurt, he saw Wonwoo’s faced literally gleaming and his eyes were sparkling, Mingyu muffled his laughter.  
_I’m not inclined to answer any of your shit_ he thought then said, “On one condition, don’t get too cozy.”

“You have yourself a deal.” Wonwoo was eager enough to stand on tiptoe and kiss Mingyu on the cheek. Mingyu decided not to be fazed.   
_He’s just caught up in the moment._

“The beanie, it’s the last thing I got from my family.” Wonwoo started, “I was thirteen when my mother died, my father died when I was fifteen. It was a series of tragedies to be honest.” Wonwoo paused to laugh, he wasn’t bitter to Mingyu’s amazement.

He watched him silently.

“When did Gyu’s dad pass away?” Wonwoo turned to face Mingyu.

A heartbeat passed, two. “Are we playing whose life is more tragic?” Mingyu always disliked that kind of talks. When he said he hated serious talks; he was justified.

“HUH!?” Wonwoo said, offended.

“No seriously, I don’t get the point in making a big fuss out of someone’s death. People die every day-”

“What do you mean?” Wonwoo said, Mingyu thought he was no longer as nice, he didn’t care much about that though.

“I mean did _you_ die?”

“That’s a very mean thing to say, Mingyu, I’m alive yes but a pa-”

“Cut me some slack, I’m asking you whether or not you had died. You didn’t. Don’t sell me that bullshit that part of you did and what so not. Did the world end, were you not capable of moving forward? I’m saying moving forward not moving on … did you not?!” Mingyu was unconsciously injecting his words with bone-chilling bitterness. Wonwoo was mentally paralyzed, his eyes were incredulously shocked. He laughed bleakly, then Mingyu slowly watched him go into a hysterical fit of laughter.

Mingyu didn’t know what he expected but what just happened wasn’t even an option.

“I’m sorry, Mingyu,” Wonwoo began, still bent down from laughter, “But it seemed as if you have harboured those words for years. That’s not how you react when someone tells you about their misfortunes. I knew you were something.” Wonwoo patted Mingyu’s shoulders. “You’re slowly patching the holes in my heart.”

That didn’t have enough time to sink fully.

“What time is it?” Wonwoo asked shaking off his happy tears, his hand still on Mingyu’s shoulder. He silently checked the time on his phone then he said, “Almost midnight.”

“Good. Where’s my present?”

“Excuse you!”

“Come on, I know you got me something.”

“What a conceited brat you are.” Mingyu said it with a smile that indicated it was rather a compliment.

“And you are so arrogant it pisses me off,” Wonwoo shrugged, “Are we done stating the obvious? Now where’s my present?”

“You can consider my attitude as a counterbalance for yours. Count us fair and square, Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo ignored that and motioned with his hands to Mingyu, clearly asking for his gift. Mingyu got out a long box and handed it to Wonwoo after letting out a sigh. He soon opened it to find a watch.

“I have this feeling you hate watches,” Mingyu began, “So I thought I should get that to you, I got a fat lip and it was specially chosen for you, I hope you hate it.”

“You are right, I do.” Wonwoo was looking at the watch with no specific feeling, “I’m keeping it but that’s not accepted as your gift. I hate time so much I don’t feel like having a reminder.”

“It’s your fault for wasting your life then.”

“It’s not my fault that I’m always watching the arms of death moving on while I’m stuck in a whirl of nothingness, thank you for your nice words tho.”

More heartbeats passed, they stood looking at each other silently. Mingyu trying to come up with something adequate, abiding to his own criterion of the word, oblivious to the fact his eyes lingered more than they usually would on Wonwoo’s face.

Wonwoo put the watch in his pocket and took Mingyu’s hand in his. “I’m offering you the same thing I did yesterday,”

The suddenness of the proposal was unnerving, Mingyu’s face gave no way to his racing heart.

“Try it, if you dislike it, we can go back to as we were.” Wonwoo suggested, his voice soft and low as the wind carried it.

“You honestly believe you can go back to being friends with someone you slept around with?”

“Usually I don’t, that’s why I never give my number to anyone I slept with and I never save theirs. But that is them and this is us. I believe we are weird enough to be an exception.”

_Exception._

“But what are we?” Mingyu asked the one question whose answer was a necessity.

“I don’t know, that’s what I’m trying to find out. But we’re definitely something.”

“This is nothing but a flirtationship. We’re either fighting or flirting, just what is your foundation of a relationship?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never been in one.” Wonwoo said.

Mingyu hesitated at that, he didn’t need the right words to get the insinuation. Not only was Wonwoo asking him out, but he was also making him his exception as he said those words. Mingyu tried to level his heartbeat.  
“What a dreamer.”

Wonwoo took a deep breath. “You can hate me if we didn’t work out.”

“I think it’s a little bit too late for that, Wonwoo.” Mingyu was uttering a fact that was new to his ears and brains but his lips and heart had formulated their truth in clear purity. Mingyu had no clue when he let his heart decide anything, especially such a thing. He had a massive deal of reservations about the matter, he couldn’t just overlook that.

“Why?”

“I don’t need a reason.” Wonwoo answered simply.

“Everything is destined to have an ‘end’ at some point.” He pursued.

“Whose end? Mine, yours or ours?”

Mingyu snickered. “That point is moot.”

“It is, but you’ve to enjoy everything while you still can.”

Somehow, he seemed to be able of replying to everything, not that Wonwoo had ever thought it through, but because those were his convictions, his very own code and Mingyu knew that. The code that Mingyu was under the impression of Wonwoo believing it could be compatible to his own.

That wasn’t to Mingyu’s advantage, that changed a few things.

Again Mingyu bit his lips. “So basically, it’s us being the same but we are having a physical relation.”

“Basically yea, sex is just a bonus. Come on there are no commitments, I’m too much of a gift to be tied down to anyone.” Wonwoo laughed, something about his expression lessened the blow.

_The blow._

“You and I are so compatible it’s time to see it for the physical thing.” Wonwoo’s voice was sexy as ever but Mingyu was fascinated it could still be serious.

_Tempting._

“Are you falling for me?” Mingyu asked a question he had been gladly evading all this time. He didn’t give a fuck about Wonwoo’s feelings being hurt by such a question, not that he would. Nor did he give a fuck about stating it so bluntly.

“At the time being?” Wonwoo shook his head, “I’m not.”

A pause.

“But I can’t guarantee I won’t in a few months, maybe even days.” He added and Mingyu laughed joylessly, as if a point was just proven. Falling in love with him turned some tables.

Mingyu had always been aware of Wonwoo’s smooth tongue and his attitude, Mingyu himself had words as pawns, he knew how lethal they can get especially if one played on the nerved feelings thus he decided never to be swayed by Wonwoo. He admired his honesty, somehow he seemed crude, sometimes Mingyu felt as if Wonwoo lived life so simply it bewildered him.

“And what happens then?” He needn’t further illustration.

Wonwoo shrugged. “I don’t know, guess we’ll have to cross that bridge once we reach it, that’s how it’s going to be.”

He knew the statement was prophetic and for the first time in his life he decided to let such a drastic matter slide.

But, Mingyu decided to not label him as a liar for the time being, he seemed quite sincere. And Mingyu could tell when a person was lying _._

_Nutshell, it takes one to know one._

“You are already this optimistic and I have not even consented.”

“Correct. I also seldom take no for an answer, remember?”

Mingyu felt his watch buzz, declaring the eighteenth day in August.

Mingyu closed the distance in less than a strand, he held Wonwoo’s neck, looked at his eyes then his lips. “Happy birthday, Wonwoo,” he whispered, pushed Wonwoo’s neck closer and kissed him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //clears throat  
> Please applaud me for my short update, no more hugeassed writing for you guys bc I can feel your pain (word of the day: empathy)  
> Okay, hope you have fun xx


	6. Kotov syndrome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy, this is going to be a double update (sb has got to catalyse this shitty story, no?)  
> Hope you enjoy

****

****

****

Wonwoo wasn’t familiar with the term ‘bored’, he knew how to enjoy himself anytime, anywhere; if he can’t find a way he was more than capable of making one. He found himself aching to call Mingyu who he had not seen in days, but he didn’t want to come off as desperate which he truly wasn’t. Consequently, he just sat staring at his phone till someone had to snap him awake.

“Jeon! It’s rude to zone out when you are with someone.” Jihoon said. Wonwoo was staying over at Jihoon’s, he didn’t feel like going home and out of the blue he decided to drop him a visit and on a whim he said he would be staying over.

“My bad. I don’t know how rude I have to be to space out while I’m in your company, forgive me?” Wonwoo wasn’t teasing him.

“I’ll think about it. Now tell me, that Kim guy, are you sleeping with him?”

“What if I say yes?” Wonwoo lifted up his chair, spun it around then straddled it, looking bemusedly at Jihoon.

“It’s none of my business. But what’s my business is that you passed on our last get together in the club where you usually picked someone up…” Jihoon let that hang in the air.

Wonwoo’s smile didn’t fade however he dejectedly thought about what happened after Mingyu had kissed him: Mingyu just disappeared into thin air.

_Who gets a fucking call and leave like that after kissing someone as hotly?_ He thought angrily.

“You know I don’t like sleeping with friends.” Wonwoo leaned inwardly, his hands finding their way to Jihoon’s cheek. “Else, you’d have been one of my victims by now.”

“Take your hands off me right this instant or I’ll break your arm.” Jihoon rose and kicked Wonwoo’s hand that was still hung in the air.

“You are so mean, if you are itching for a fight just go to the gym, you homophobic ass.”

Jihoon looked at Wonwoo from head to toe, his expression wringing. “I have no idea why I’m still friends with you. And here I was trying to give you a piece of an advice.”

Wonwoo blew him a kiss. “Appreciated,” he got up, put on his jacket and grabbed his bag. “I’ll be leaving now, don’t miss me too much.”  
  
Wonwoo got out the watch he got from Mingyu and checked the time, a phantom of a smile played on his lips and a darker emotion shadowed his face. He sure had left really late he was glad he was free the following day; it would have been troublesome otherwise. He got back home, took a quick shower and turned in.

Not much later, Wonwoo woke up sweating. He wiped his forehead and breathed in and out a couple of times.

_Not now._

The sky told it was about an hour after dawn as he looked on from his window. He thought about going for a jog; he made up his mind to follow his guts.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been running, but it didn’t feel enough, in the empty unlit streets he ran _more, more._ He was completely lost in thought by the time he had made for the turn by the lake for the second time.

“Boo!” A voice startled him regardless of how low it was. He jumped and his pace got faster, he was trying to will his brain to function properly.  
_That jerk I’ll kill him!!_ He cursed and turned to his right without halting.

“Well good morning to me.” Wonwoo said with the fakest smile in human history.

“It shall be a good day since you saw me.” He looked sweaty but his breath was even. “Didn’t know you jogged.”

“Is that how you say good morning, Mingyu, seriously?”

Mingyu laughed, they both took another turn together.

“I thought you’d be happy, it’s a lovely encounter, admit it.”

Wonwoo couldn’t deny that, he didn’t attempt to subdue his smile, he let it shine.

“Your body is a mystery to me, I would have never thought you could jump as high as you did seconds ago … and like hell not when you are that worn out.” Mingyu said, opened his container and let the water shower his face and clothes as he ran. The wind was cold as the sun was beginning to rise. They were near the same park they came across the night of the exhibit.

_Nostalgia._

“I’m very energetic, what do you mean?” Wonwoo said, debating whether to add _something._

“Very well, I think I can come up with a way or two to drain your stamina, here and now.” Mingyu’s voice was shallow at the end of his phrase. It didn’t take much calculation, Wonwoo was soon rolling on the grassy slope with Mingyu … after Mingyu had pushed down him of course. He was stopped before he rolled into the lake by Mingyu’s hand that acted like a cage and Mingyu hovering over him. He followed Mingyu’s lips with his eyes until they met his.

Wonwoo smiled impishly. “Guess my body would no longer be a mystery to you now.”

Mingyu bit his lips and went for another.

“Who said anything about your body? I’m busy with the upper part-”

“For the time being,” Wonwoo corrected.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

Wonwoo had lost count of how many kisses they had on the spot, he was amazed by how strong Mingyu’s self-restraint was, for Wonwoo was still fully clothed.

_A mystery_.

He soon closed his eyes and let the kisses lead him wherever it destined to be, his ears hearing the hymns their breaths made as their heads went back and forth, the shallow breaths, the pauses, the longing. The dream soon shattered into a million pieces when Wonwoo opened his mouth and it wasn’t met by Mingyu’s. His mouth slapped shut and his eyes fluttered open, fazed. Mingyu was smirking.

“I told you, I said nothing about your body, don’t take my words lightly.” Mingyu said getting off him.

“You little piece of…” Wonwoo was trying to get angry, his heart rate failed him as he watched Mingyu push his wet hair back, he thought he looked inescapably and infinitely beautiful with that smirk plastered on his face.

An unrhythmical thump. Wonwoo felt the colour rise to his cheeks, he was deeply thankful he had been running before this.

  
“Hey, Mingyu, you free this weekend?” Wonwoo rose to his feet, talking to Mingyu and fixing his clothes simultaneously. He felt his forehead being touched, he looked up and his lips touched Mingyu’s nose whose forehead was touching his.

“I would do anything for you.” He whispered. Wonwoo hesitated for a second, torn, not settling for which tone Mingyu had just used.

He smiled crookedly. “I’m taking you somewhere nice, be up early and keep your phone close to you.”

“Darling,” Mingyu began throwing as much sarcasm as he could into the word, “I’ll only go if it’s a high place where I can push you off, a cliff for instance.”

Wonwoo laughed, not really helping himself. “It’s only five days away, hold your breath.”

Swiftly, Mingyu’s hands moved to Wonwoo’s cheek, the mere move froze his being for a second, when did he become like that. “I’m going to miss you so much.” Mingyu said with a smile that eradicated any seriousness his tone had.

“Oh, so you are saying you can manage not seeing or calling me or having any contact with me for five whole days?” Wonwoo prodded, toying with an evil dark thought.

Mingyu smirked, “Want to make a small bet?”

Wonwoo held his head up high, smiling proudly “Kim Mingyu, I’ll make you miss me.”

Mingyu snorted. “And I’ll make you fall for me, moving on.” Mingyu moved past Wonwoo, slapping his shoulder lightly, he was startled by how lightly such a sentence was said, and how light it felt on his heart. He just froze again watching Mingyu back.

It took him everything to breathe easy.  


\----

 

Wonwoo’s satisfied smile was spreading on his face as he watched Mingyu’s queasiness grow louder. Albeit Wonwoo lost their small bet when he called Mingyu first, Mingyu was with him and that’s all that mattered.

His eyes kept shifting from the instructor who was busy helping Mingyu -who was deep in thought- with the kit. He let out a noise that should have been a giggle but came out too low pitched for just that.

“I can’t believe I have been swindled to come here.” Mingyu said standing up, losing his balance a bit.

“We are almost there.” The instructor had to shout as the helicopter slashed through the wind.

“You are saying that as if I had conned you, Mingyu, you are here by your own free will.” Wonwoo stood near the door. “Furthermore, weren’t you the one who asked for a high place where you could push me?” he teased but Mingyu smiled genuinely to Wonwoo’s surprise. Obviously his idea of ‘somewhere nice’ meant skydiving.

“If I were you, I would zip it, it might not be a cliff but guess this will do just fine.” Mingyu’s eyes were busy with the instructor who had been smiling at their bickering throughout the fifteen-minute journey, he thought if he himself were seeing two grown up men having such a conversation, he too wouldn’t have helped himself.

“I know you love me.” Wonwoo took a step closer to the door. Playing with the strap of his bag.

“Dream big.” Mingyu fastened his gear with the instructor’s help. The guy gestured for Wonwoo to get equipped as well but he just brushed him off, proceeding his talk, or bickering, whichever was fine.  


“Don’t stand so close to the edge, I don’t know what got into my mind to let you talk me into doing this.” Mingyu repeated and drew closer, as close as the limited helicopter space can allow with three people huddled there.

“So…?” Wonwoo’s infamous impish smile was back again.

Mingyu took a deep breath, he didn’t really hate this. “I might push you,” he smirked as he slammed his hand near the door as well as Wonwoo’s head.

The instructor was marveling about this strange pair of friends, their status as friends is what he presumed.

Wonwoo grinned and took more than one step back, until he was fully glued next to the door’s handle.   
“Sir, please step aside and let’s have you equipped, I’m opening the door now.” The instructor declared cautiously. Wonwoo, pigheadedly, didn’t squat, he only smiled wider.

“Listen to the man, Wonwoo, he knows what he is doing.” Mingyu was looking him square in the face, both of their eyes looked determined.

The guy seemed to get more uneasy. Wonwoo finally moved aside and he opened the door. Mingyu murmured something to him and the guy nodded. Wonwoo was handed the pack and he equipped it, still having a lot to learn about the parachute.

“I have a theory I want to try,” Wonwoo put his hand behind him and moved to the door, for the third time, leaving the instructor before listening to how to handle the pack, then he stopped and slammed his back lightly against the insides of the helicopter, smiling still.

“Can you be pushed if you jump?”

For the briefest second, Wonwoo could see sheer terror in Mingyu’s eyes –and of course the still horrified instructor- but he soon regained his composure.

Wonwoo watched him as he pondered a few replies but obviously Mingyu decided silence was the best option, perhaps he was hopeful this impudence would end with his silence.

What a joke!

“Sir,” The instructor took a step forward, almost coming in between them. Mingyu quickly extended his arm.

“I’ll handle him.” He said with a suave smile, the guy was still fretting internally but he seemed reassured, for he thought Mingyu was the sensible one of them.

Also a joke.

Wonwoo was standing close enough to Mingyu, he wondered what it would take to make Mingyu react, his eyes scanned him from head to toe, he bit his tongue, his maxillary canine showing, a million thought swam in his head, they all centered around the same big picture.

He grabbed Mingyu’s tie. “I know you are gonna catch me.” He could feel the air against his back.

Wonwoo could hear the instructor gulp.

“Don’t get so cocky.” Mingyu said, his smile was unnerving but it didn’t waver.

“Guess we’ll just have to see.”

“Don’t you dare.” Wonwoo couldn’t tell if Mingyu was irritated because his face didn’t give way to such annoyance. “I’ll let you die and I’d not give the least fucks about you.”

What happened next was in a flash, Wonwoo was processing the perfect smile with the sweet eyes and the moving lips that never uttered a bluff, something in the tone he heard proved Mingyu wasn’t bluffing. That made the adrenaline rush to his head, he doubted if he would lost his sanity. He didn’t let go of Mingyu’s tie nonetheless.

“Then I’ll just die believing you are going to catch me.” Wonwoo printed a deep kiss on Mingyu’s lips, feeling the slowest reaction from them albeit he did get one-

Then he let go.

“You have gotta be fucking shitting me!” was the last thing Wonwoo heard before he began experiencing the free fall. He saw the instructor running to him before he let his body fall after kissing Mingyu, getting the satisfaction of seeing Mingyu’s incredulous expression for the first time in his life. He didn’t even bother listening to all the bullshit the instructor was saying, from safety shit to air pressure to the height to precautions and the list went on. His every fiber was focused on Mingyu. How long has his life been Mingyu-centered, he had not the ghost of a notion.

Thus, Wonwoo wasn’t sure if he was really willing to die.

_Maybe this won’t be such a bad way to die._

He also couldn’t tell if he was going to be saved. His smile kept spreading as he closed his eyes, shutting out everything but the feeling of the wind against his skin, the rays of sunlight that tickled his skin as the sun hid behind some skies despite spreading its evening rays, feeling the literal meaning to the word ‘outer body experience’, it was ecstatic, an epiphany he never experienced before, not during sex, not while being drunk … never.

_Forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one…_ Wonwoo kept counting, his hair tickling his face, sticking to it, making him happier and happier. The chute was getting stronger.

_How long till I hit ground?_

It wasn’t till the seventieth count that he felt a hand grab his wrist and pulling him closer. Automatically he bit his lips and said, “I thought you were going to let me die.” as he slowly opened his eyes.

“I realized you are worth more to me alive than dead.” Mingyu shouted, handling the harness.

“I was ready to die.” Wonwoo could feel Mingyu’s hand doing their magic with his pack. He looked up to see the instructor heading towards them.

“I don’t have enough lucidity to come up with a good epigram, so maybe another day?” Mingyu told Wonwoo to release parachute and went away, Mother Nature beneath both of their feet getting bigger and clearer. Wonwoo wondered fleetingly if Mingyu was ever nerved, he seemed to have a witty reply for everything despite the situation.

_It’s not like I need an instructor._

He could hear Mingyu shouting some instructions, Wonwoo heard none patently. The instructor was only a few meters to Mingyu’s left, Wonwoo’s right.

He snickered, directed his harness and said, “I know how to handle myself.”

Fun fact: Wonwoo skydived for kicks… a lot.

Few minutes later, his feet landed on the woods surprisingly before Mingyu’s. He took many strides due to inertia before stopping. Throwing a glance to his left he saw the instructor just dodging a tree to the West, far from him, he couldn’t spot Mingyu though it caused his eyebrows to crease slightly in concern.

“Boo!”

This time, Wonwoo did jump out of his skin. A litany of swearwords was stifled and he turned to his hysterically laughing intruder.

He just looked at him while shaking his head, trying to summon anger to direct at Mingyu but he couldn’t. “Call us even, for what you did to me when you jumped.” He said, then with a deeper voice he added, “Do you understand how I felt now?”

At that, Wonwoo’s heart leaped, he hoped it didn’t show on his face. Mingyu was merrily humming now. Wonwoo froze on spot, eyes wide open, he threw the pack and started walking East.

_No. This’s not how it should have been,_ Wonwoo thought, clenching his left hand to his shirt.

“I don’t know how you afforded this or where you learnt skydiving, but seriously Wonwoo, our next date is going to be decided by me not you.” Mingyu said as he finally stopped laughing and started running to catch up with Wonwoo.

_Date._

_“_ Ha ha, that’s if there’s going to be any next time,” Wonwoo said with a smile. It didn’t reach his eyes and Mingyu noticed.  
Wonwoo had no clue why it was always like that with him, he always found a way to be… like that.

“What’s wrong?” Mingyu asked seriously, concerned.

“Nothing. I’m just tired” He stopped and turned to Mingyu, he was smiling pathetically.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he kissed his cheek lightly and turned again.

Mingyu stopped him by the shoulder, gently. “What’s wrong?” he repeated, voice softer. “I have not seen you in five days and we are together now but you want to leave?” Mingyu stressed the last syllable as if it were the most unreasonable notion on planet earth, which when it came to Wonwoo, was the case.

_Don’t._

Wonwoo laughed loudly and said: “Who knew you were this considerable,” he stroke Mingyu’s cheek, “I think I just hurt my legs when I landed.” he lied. “Mingyu, this’s too much for my heart I might fall for you.” Was the last soft whisper before Mingyu laughed, Wonwoo watched him with jaded eyes. Every laugh directly going through his heart, penetrating it.

Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo’s waist closer to his body, “I don’t know how you do it, but I think it’s a little bit too hard to fall for someone you hardly know.”

Wonwoo rolled his eyes, he had a million thing to say, but none slipped past his heart’s content and onto his lips, he just let them be there, he was … _unjustified_.

Wonwoo kissed Mingyu, letting himself drown in thought for the brief moment, planning what to do next.

“Seriously, you set up a date when I can come over or this would be us being friendly and it would negate our deal.” Wonwoo tried to sound business-like but with such a voice and a face it was nearly impossible.

Mingyu nodded and smiled, Wonwoo seriously gave thought to actually punching himself.

Wonwoo waved and started walking.

_What do I even know?_

 


	7. Human Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the double update - I know I know this's not what you guys have signed up to and I'm not referring to the double-update-concept lol

****

****

‘..when I can come over,’ the sentence kept resonating in Mingyu’s head for days. Each time he took the phone and almost dialed Wonwoo, but he ended up texting him.

_Wonwoo, sober, in my house._ Mingyu shivered at thought. It had been a week since they last met, he saw Wonwoo fleetingly at the restaurant three times, they chatted for a while either before or after his shift, but each time Wonwoo didn’t …

_Didn’t what?_ Mingyu shook his head, escaping the thought, it was something he felt he knew yet he couldn’t pin, as if a memory that he couldn’t detect as it hazed throughout the time and slipped into oblivion. Wonwoo didn’t _what?_ Something felt different but nothing had changed. 

Mingyu set down his brush, after basically just dragging it along the canvas with different colours. He didn’t examine his flick work of art for he was just killing time, painting absently-present. He started humming a tune then he picked up the phone. A surge of conflicted emotions hit him as he stared at his phone. Confusion, guilt, anger, obstinacy, and something he can’t figure out. Guilt was overpowering all.

Kim Mingyu feeling guilty, what a joke!

He felt as if he were back to middle school, the pure version of him shyly hesitating to call his date. But was Wonwoo even entitled to be called his ‘date’? He was unfair, he was-  
_-so fucking unjustified, I should just call him._  
  
Two more days, neither was spent with Wonwoo. Mingyu spend them with casual friends, none of them that could take Wonwoo out of his mind, not even Seokmin. The thing Mingyu hated more than solitude was feeling guilty, he felt something was missing … and he didn’t intend on finding that missing something. Mingyu knew he had a lot to settle and even more to talk about with Wonwoo, but it was all overpowered by the subdued urge to shower Wonwoo with questions, to satisfy. He just sat in the middle of his apartment staring at the glass, he watched an hour pass as he sat motionlessly. When he couldn’t take it any longer he decided to go to a bar and try to get drunk.

Half an hour later, Mingyu was sitting in a bar with the strongest drink he could order. It was a packed night and for the first time in his life Mingyu hoped he could maintain a low profile, alone with his calculations and morbid thoughts. His sense of time started growing dimmer but his mind was nowhere near drunk, it didn’t mean he was sober either.

“Hey,” a voice startled him from his thoughts. Mingyu looked to his left to find a complete random stranger addressing him, he observed him indifferently, not bothering to smile.

“Aren’t you the heir of Kim CO.?” It wasn’t a question. “It’s a great luck to have met you here, this is just amazing.” The guy seemed to be glowing from elation. He said something that Mingyu didn’t bother hearing after introducing himself _._ Mingyu felt something was fishy about the guy, he suspected he might be a journalist. Disgust formed in his stomach, spreading like an infestation. How much he loathed scoopers, _stupid journalist always horny for a scandal_ he thought bitterly. He kept on yapping and Mingyu was playing with the rim of his glass as he stared onward, nothing particularly preoccupying his mind, he just didn’t want to deal with the _stupid journalist._

“Did anyone tell you lack tact before?” they guy said after a while. Another shrug in reply, this time Mingyu wasn’t even looking his direction, he was eating his olive. He knew he was provocative. He didn’t care.

“I know you are not stupid, you probably noticed,” he proceeded, resignation filled his voice. “But it’s not like I’m going to quote you or I have mikes and recording machines here. Chill, dude.” Alas, there he said it.

Mingyu forced a smile. “What would it take for you to leave?”

The guy, Seungkwan, sensed a compromise that was absolutely nonexistent on Mingyu’s part. Before he could answer, Mingyu followed, “You are getting nothing, so scam.” That cleared the simple misunderstanding; there had never been any room for negotiation.

Seungkwan didn’t get worked up like the last journalist Mingyu dealt with.

“You’ll have to make a statement, your silence only makes things worse.” He was looking Mingyu square in the face, the latter didn’t waver, naturally.

“I’m sure you can all work this brilliant brains of yours and make something up, some sort of catchy headline with a fake story.” Mingyu jabbed enough sarcasm into his words. “Like ‘The Moralist Father Died from Humiliation’ or something.”

“So you are admitting there were enough problems between your father and grandfather, the head of Kim CO., that made him feel ashamed?”

Mingyu didn’t bite.

“You are not making any jokes now, are you?” Seungkwan was assuming the air of a victor. “Poor kid, his father takes his own life after his reputation being buried in the mud. Tell me, he didn’t die in an accident, right?”

Mingyu tensed very slightly, he ordered another drink as if the guy said nothing. The bar-tender looked at Mingyu in concern creasing his forehead. It was known that Kim Dongwan, the surgeon, died in an accident almost three years ago. Why dig some dirt up on a dead person? For the first time Mingyu wished he hadn’t quitted the company when he last visited his mother. It drew too much attention, the kind of attention Mingyu hated.

“Do I have to call security, sir?” the bar-tender asked kindly. Mingyu shook his head, despite all the noise he was perfectly capable of hearing Seungkwan gritting his teeth. The tender carried on with his work.

“A whore of a mother, a rapist grandfather and a suicidal father… all the dirt being dug up after years of behind-the-curtain-work, quite a family picture that is.” Seungkwan pressed. Mingyu had gotten accustomed to such endeavours, he kept his cool impeccably.

“Ahh, there you go, Seungkwan-sshi, you know the story perfectly well,” Mingyu stood up and exaggerated a bow then smiled.  
That did the trick. It was enough to get Seungkwan worked up. “You have a story,” Mingyu motioned artistically with his index finger in the air, “Suicide Doctor, It Wasn’t An Accident?” and he gasped for effect. A moment of silence. It was probably the journalist letting himself come up with a retort. Mingyu sat down mumbling something about third-rate reporters and their snooping. It didn’t take long before he was grabbed by the collar, the glass in his hand crashing and Seungkwan looking at his condescendingly.

“Then tell the third rate reporter this. Did your father describe how it felt to kill a patient in his suicide note?” he spat.

Some of the sounds in the bar area started dying down, the only noise that remained was that of stark-drunk people or people making out, both didn’t care enough to watch the scene.

One thing Mingyu never heard from a journalist before. His body went rigid, his face a mask of malice.

_Father._

“How did it feel to take some innocent guy’s life and getting away with it?” He spoke through clenched teeth, oh the hate.   
Mingyu simply returned his gaze, buying time till the security reached them after being called by the bar-tender. He could almost feel sparks shooting out from Seungkwan’s eyes, as if he held a personal grudge against Mingyu.

_Father!_ He thought again, some kind of confined pain threatening to be unleashed.

Two men –security- came and pulled Seungkwan away, he pushed them off and stepped back, fixing his clothes, keeping his distance from Mingyu but the latter’s eyes never left him. The two men stood between them, one of them facing Seungkwan and the other asking Mingyu whether or not he was fine.

“You listen to me and you listen well, I know what happened seven years ago and I’m going prove it!” Seungkwan was trying to thrash at Mingyu as he shouted his words, the security man was his barrier, but his hands did hit Mingyu’s face, it was enough to make his cheek redden. “You can’t run forever, you’ll have to pay your debt some time and I’m going to make sure you pay soon.” Lunacy raged in Seungkwan’s eyes, Mingyu felt a shiver down his spine, his mind refused to accept this, he couldn’t believe his ears. His heart cried out his father’s name once more. Mingyu closed his eyes and took a deep breath as the man was being literally thrown out, the few curious ‘onlookers’ lost interest long ago, as if they wanted a fight but since the security interfered it was over. Mingyu didn’t feel like it was such a bad idea they had lost interest.

 

He went to the restroom, luckily it was empty, he locked the door and stared at his face. He leaned on the sink and watched himself in the mirror, focusing on the reflected image of himself in his eyes, moving as his eyes moved. His fingers dag in his left forearm which almost bled if he hadn’t removed his hand. He examined the area with a hint of agony on his face, same sorrow pursuing, clouding his mind much less his eyes. He wondered how long it usually took for punishment to be served. Then he went back to the bar-tender, asking for the strongest mix known for humans.

“On it. But this is for you.” He passed a drink on the counter to Mingyu and said, “It’s from that gentleman over there.” He pointed to a tall fair Youngman with extremely dark hair who stood near the exit with a drink in hand.

_Wonwoo._

Mingyu wasn’t surprised to see him. Wonwoo motioned ‘cheers’ in the air and he was soon seated in Seungkwan’s seat.

“Hi.” Wonwoo said.

“Hi.” Mingyu’s succinct answer didn’t seem to bother Wonwoo.

“Thought you could use up some drink, I had that specially made for you.”

The infamous almost-smile made an appearance on Mingyu’s face as usual. He drank the shot and laid the cup with a soft thump.

“I could use your company more actually.” He said, getting weary.

Wonwoo laughed. Mingyu found he was less weary after that laugh. He looked compassionately at Wonwoo, he looked as beautiful as ever, what perfect timing.

He got up and paid then gestured to the door. “I’m so done with drinking, there’s no chance of me getting drunk.”

“Right after you.” Wonwoo laid the cup and followed Mingyu out. Wonwoo smiling at the bar-tender mischievously was the last thing Mingyu had seen. 

 

****  
  


****

****

“Where have you been?” Mingyu asked as soon as they were out, not waiting for an answer. Wonwoo was being kissed before he could form a reply, feeling the cold wall of the alley behind his back.

“Making you miss me.” Wonwoo said with a playful smile once they broke the long kiss. His breath quickening all slightly.

“Have I ever told you how much of a good kisser you are?” Wonwoo moaned playfully giving Mingyu’s tongue an opening. Silence dawned as the two engaged in their kissing.

Wonwoo was the first to break the spell, slapping his hands next to him, feeling the wall instead of Mingyu’s body. Catching his breath. “This won’t be good if you go on,” he mouthed airlessly.

Mingyu laughed. “And who said we want anything good?” his hand pushed Wonwoo’s hair back, “How much had you seen?”

“Just the part where you got your ass kicked … again.” Wonwoo laced his words with a mocking rebuking tone “Do you have a habit of receiving punches…” Wonwoo trailed off, he smiled impishly and kissed Mingyu on the lips quickly as he slipped his hand under his shirt, feeling his bare chest. “I can tell you have enough muscles to have taught that piece of shit a lesson or two.”

“Is that so,” the half-smile again, it always managed to turn Wonwoo on. Again, Mingyu’s lips were on Wonwoo’s. Wonwoo had no problem, he didn’t remove his hands either, he could feel Mingyu’s beating heart beneath it. It made him hotter.

“Seriously, are you a masochist? Do you have a knack for getting hit, should we visit a role play store on our way home?” Wonwoo was half serious, half joking.

Mingyu shrugged, he leaned in to kiss him again but Wonwoo put his finger on Mingyu’s lips, stopping him midway. “Uh-uh, no kisses for you until you tell me why.”

In the dim lit alley, Wonwoo watched Mingyu’s eyes roll; they looked blasé and maybe even burdened. He felt his chest tightening.

_Not again._

“You are really annoying you know that.” Mingyu said.

“I don’t like secrets.”

“Who mentioned anything about a secret?”

“Well, you are not telling me, so it’s a secret.” Wonwoo paused, he bit his lips, “Come on, tell me the embarrassing story that you saw a guy one day and he helped you with bullies and he became your hero ever since.” Again, he wasn’t fully joking.

“Something along these lines yea.” Mingyu actually smiled. Wonwoo cocked his head to the side, urging Mingyu to spill it out.

“I know you are relentless and all but don’t you dare think you can have your way with me, I choose to tell you what I want, Wonwoo. You are never at an advantage.” Mingyu’s eyes were hard in contrast with his smile. Wonwoo needn’t be reminded of such a fineprint detail.

“I know,” he said, grateful the night had hid the hurt that flashed across his face, “But I thought you could actually talk to me at some point, Gyu.”

Silence stretched into several moments. Both of them facing each other, neither of them moving and neither made eye contact.

“I used to get into a lot of quarrels when I was young; they disliked my condescending attitude,” Mingyu sneered the last part, “And yes, I saw a guy receiving punches on my way back home one day, I had just gotten out of a fight myself. He stood up to three guys and he wasn’t that macho himself. His friend watched from a distance the situation insinuated so much that he was subbing in for the poor friend.” Mingyu paused as if recalling, he smiled at the thought, “then something most ridiculous happened, after he received the beating he stood up, acting all high and mighty and said a line I can never forget.” He laughed, he was looking at Wonwoo but not at Wonwoo, then he picked on again. “From that day forward I decided if such a weakling could take a beating, so could I.”

A smile tugged at Wonwoo’s lips. “What did he say?”

“Why would it matter?” Mingyu asked as if he had been woken up.

_Because it does?_ Wonwoo shrugged. “Mere curiosity, I told you I want to know you.”

Mingyu looked far-off, smiling a smile Wonwoo decided to label as nostalgic. “ ‘ _If violence solved everything you would not have beaten me up, morons’_ … some cheesy line, I was dumbfounded for a moment and so were they then I was cracked up I remember my tummy hurting from all the laughter. They considered beating him up again but they probably thought it wasn’t worth it. It didn’t even make sense…” he trailed off, “but nothing did back then.”

Mingyu looked at Wonwoo, his eyebrows lifted. Wonwoo was fighting off his laughter. “What?” Mingyu smiled crookedly.

“I’m sorry but this’s the stupidest thing I have heard in a while. I bet you are grateful you saw him, Mr. Morals.” he kept on laughing, Mingyu chimed in for a second, a high-pitched-dry-of-humour laugh.

“Quite the opposite,” Mingyu’s callous voice chilled Wonwoo. “I have never hated a guy as much as I hate him. The stupid guy receiving punches for someone else and refusing to fight for himself.”  
That made Wonwoo cease laughing, he looked at Mingyu’s expression, much to his dread, no signs of a jest was palpable.   
“But I’m no less stupid than he was.” Mingyu was the one to voice Wonwoo’s thoughts. Mingyu started kissing Wonwoo again, Wonwoo could feel his need growing stronger, it spoke out patently. But Wonwoo broke away, again. Mingyu tried another kiss but was shut off again. Something felt off and Wonwoo couldn’t ignore it.

And it hurt.  


Mingyu’s eyes were glistening. Wonwoo looked at him his mouth agape, the situation took a strange turn and it became grave enough to immobilize his body and mind.

“Wonwoo, do you know who I am?” Mingyu asked in quiet voice.

Normally, Wonwoo would have laughed that off, made the situation lighter. But something in Mingyu’s tone, something about his expression made him think long enough to decide against it.

“If you are referring to the fact your grandfather is Kangta, _the_ revered great businessman who started the company, then yes. I also know your mom … erm, had a few scenes after your father’s death almost two and a half years ago.”

Mingyu shook his head “My mom is known as rotten woman who cheated on my father and my … grandfather is also a rotten businessman.” Mingyu’s smile looked very out of place to Wonwoo.

“And your father?” Wonwoo decided he didn’t want play the journalist who dealt with rumors, he wasn’t positive but he believed that none of what Mingyu had said was true regarding the way he said it. But he also said nothing about his father _Kim Dongwan, the nationwide famous surgeon_ Wonwoo swallowed hard at that. it was Mingyu’s pain that made Wonwoo want to talk to him. Any kind of soothing words would come out as fake, any kind of comfort would be so out of place; all he could do to Mingyu back then was make him talk; sometimes it could help.

_Only sometimes._

“He died three years ago in an accident, do you believe that?” Mingyu had to clear his throat twice before his voice came out to ask the last question.

“Shouldn’t I,” it was rhetorical, Wonwoo watched Mingyu’s lips move, he wanted to kiss them so badly, he watched Mingyu’s hands push his hair back, so much he wanted to touch them, hold them.

“Did you love him?”

“He was a fool. I don’t hate him, I mean he’s not my grandfather … he...” Mingyu trailed off and Wonwoo blinked. When his eyes opened, he felt Mingyu’s head flumping on his shoulder. Again Wonwoo couldn’t believe his eyes, was that really the same Kim Mingyu.

“I know the drink you gave me had something,” Mingyu whispered, his voice wasn’t cold. Wonwoo smiled sadly at that, of course he knew. “I don’t hate you tho, I didn’t have a reason to tell you anything.”

Wonwoo slipped at that. “You still haven’t.”

“The journalist was right,” Mingyu blurted, it was concise, it was clear, and it was devoid of any emotion.  
“That your father committed suicide?” Wonwoo couldn’t help asking, he wanted to know, he had to. But he knew the laconic statement warned that the family conversation was over. Wonwoo put his hand on Mingyu’s head, pulling it closer, if possible.

They stood in silence, the silence that both minded and accepted at the same time. Their kind of silence, their shared one.

“Say, is it okay to stay like that?” Mingyu’s voice was hardly audible. Wonwoo felt his cheeks redden, he was on the verge of saying something that shouldn’t be said in such a situation. Not to Mingyu at least. He became embarrassed at himself.

_Nice time to act all ethical, stupid._ He reprimanded himself.   
“It’s okay to cry you know.” There. It was out. Wonwoo felt mortally relieved at saying it. His heart felt lighter as Mingyu sucked in a deep breath. There before him stood a guy who was his fuck-buddy yet they didn’t have sex. A person who never shared anything about his life but casualties no matter how much he tried to pry something out of him. A guy who seemed to think everything with his mind now he was receiving an adequate response straight out of his heart. Stood a guy who Wonwoo shouldn’t be holding so affectionately, who shouldn’t cause a fluke flirt like himself so many nuisances in his heart.

But also there shouldn’t be a guy telling him it’s okay to cry, a guy who felt the burden of the other so heavily that it hurt him as well.

Wonwoo’s hand slipped into Mingyu’s. Their hands were the corporal incarnation of what their hearts should be: entwined.

“Nothing matters now. He’s dead. I loved him so much.” Mingyu said. Mingyu didn’t cry, not on the outside. Wonwoo held him and he didn’t let go, not even when the rainless storm had passed. Ironically, both understood best what it meant to … need.

 

_Nothing can bring him back, not tears not screams, nothing._ Wonwoo thought. So many times Wonwoo has told himself that, so many times Wonwoo felt as if it were a flat-out lie.

“It’s okay to cry.” He repeated and patted Mingyu’s head whose heart rained unshed tears in the rainless winter night.

 


	8. Strategic Crush

****

****

****

Mingyu woke up with an uneven heartbeat; he checked his surrounding to realize it was not his own flat. He was covered with a sheet and his shoes and jacket were taken off, other than that he was intact. His hands reached for his amulet first thing before checking the time; his heart calmed to a slow roll. He tried to remember what happened yesterday but the hangover got the best of him.   
Clumsy place, familiar scent … it was safe to assume it was Wonwoo’s.

Mingyu smiled a bit at the contrast of both of their flats. Here everything was anywhere, hardly organized, it was colourful even the tiles and walls, many decorations and the area was much smaller; another room other than the one he was in plus the bathroom and a corner for a kitchen. The room he was sleeping in was Wonwoo’s fortress judging by its looks. He wondered how someone could be so inept. He staggered to the washroom that was easy to spot.

Mingyu stumbled on a pile of clothes on his way back, his head almost hit the desk’s edge but he made it by a hairsbreadth, hitting most of the things that were on Wonwoo’s desk. He saw some fragile box falling, he caught it midair, his hand hitting the desk, it caused his arm enough damage to form a bruise. Cursing, he stood straight and shoved the pile of clothes under the desk, “Stupid Wonwoo.”

The box looked so pretty, it was crystal, he found himself opening it as if a spell were laid upon him by the divine box. As soon as he opened it a melody came out, Mingyu was startled for no reason, he didn’t consider it being a music box. At all.

The door opened and he closed it quickly and put it carefully on the desk, then walked towards the door meeting Wonwoo in the compact room. He came in bearing food.

Mingyu’s eyes fell on the two cups of latte in Wonwoo’s hand first thing, he didn’t think twice, “You are a life savior.” He said then took a cup and started drinking it.

“You are welcome,” Wonwoo said with a mock bow as soon as the cup was emptied, which didn’t take any time. “Next time I get you back home, try not to fall asleep, jerk.” Wonwoo punched Mingyu’s shoulder playfully, “It defies the point of getting here.”

Mingyu smirked, fragments of last night coming to life. He remembered the ally, Wonwoo’s smell as he leaned on his shoulder, the kissing, remembered getting drowsy. Then he remembered the key to why he was in this rueful shape. “And I have you to thank for getting drunk. Just how strong were those pills you used for my drink?”

“If you knew you shouldn’t have drank the shot.” Wonwoo did have a point. Mingyu shrugged, he only knew when he saw the bartender and Wonwoo exchanging a look, not before he drank. It wouldn’t have made a difference frankly speaking.

“I got free lodging and food, I have no complaints.” Mingyu sat on bed and Wonwoo pulled up a chair and used it weirdly for a seat.

“But you have to go…”

“Are you kicking me out?” Mingyu said, gasping for effect.

“Mingyu, where’s your phone?”

Mingyu lifted his finger, “Good question,” a matter of habit he reached for his pocket but he stopped halfway when he saw his jacket thrown on the sofa. His head was heavy but he felt energetic. He bit his lower lip.

“Exactly.” Wonwoo laughed, “You stood up a pretty young lady and she called; sounding extremely anxious. Normally, I’d beat your ass up for double timing me.”

“We are not dating.” Mingyu said with a tranquil smile.

“I know you are not, I was saying,” Wonwoo couldn’t finish his sentence because he was cut again.

“Uh-uh, _we,”_ Mingyu motioned at Wonwoo then at himself, “are not dating.”

Wonwoo paused for a second, craning his neck. “I know that. Anyhow, you are two hours late, I told her you would be there soon and she should just busy herself with something. So get your gears on the road.”

Mingyu knew he was talking about Dahyun, he kinda forgot his appointment not due to neglect but because last night was so haphazard it somehow ruined his plans. He had no regrets, honestly he would rather spend it with Wonwoo than alone, not that he was conscious but it wasn’t half as bad. He didn’t know how to react about Wonwoo not bringing up what happened last night, he hated when things hung up in the air but he didn’t feel like asking, Wonwoo understood what he did and that was it.

 

Wonwoo fidgeted in the bag that had what Mingyu thought was food –apparently it was just sweets-. Mingyu stood up and went to fetch his shoes then sat down again to tie them.

“Nice place you have here, you can easily find things.” He could hear Wonwoo munching but the laugh was unmistakable.

After he was done with both shoes he looked at Wonwoo who was eating a Pokey Stick while looking for his next sweet-bag-victim, tilting his head. Mingyu smirked, leaned in and with his teeth he broke the stick into two unequal halves, the bigger ended up in his stomach.

Wonwoo faked a glare, “I don’t forgive easily, but I don’t forgive at all when it comes to someone stealing my food.”

Mingyu reached and took one from the packet while wetting his lips, “You are coming with me.” He said then stood up. Wonwoo tossed him his jacket by the time he was at the door.

“You are leaving like that?” He asked shocked, he said it as if Mingyu were going out naked, which might have been more credulous to Wonwoo than that.

Mingyu raised an eyebrow in reply and put the stick between his teeth.

“No, no and did I say no!” Wonwoo put the bag down and marched toward him. He cocked his head to the side, looking into Mingyu’s eyes. Mingyu always thought he looked like a bird when he did that. A very beautiful bird. Wonwoo took the same stick Mingyu was munching on in his mouth, his mouth was soon enclosed with Mingyu’s and they were kissing. The only thing both was fit for. Ironies of life never ceased.

“Now I can go?” Mingyu asked with a stupid grin when it was over. Wonwoo opened the door and motioned for him to step out. Mingyu was stopped when Wonwoo’s hand was in his hair, messing it up then pushing it back.

You look dandy.” Wonwoo said like a mother proud of her son.

“Move your rear, Wonwoo; I don’t have time for your jokes.” Mingyu lied.

 

For a change, Mingyu was taking a cab; he was meeting Dahyun in another mall this time. The clock was nearing one in the evening. He wasn’t sure why he asked Wonwoo to come, but so far he saw no reason not to.

He was supposed to me Dahyun at a certain café, but either she got bored and looked for something else to do or she was still busying herself since Wonwoo didn't give her a specific time interval till Mingyu’s arrival. Mingyu and Wonwoo both took a table, the former decided to give his cousin a call.

When he was about to dial the number two girls caught his attention, they were approaching a smoothie bar. It was Dahyun and another girl that looked vaguely familiar; he stared long enough for the girl to notice him. For some reason her smile faded when he didn’t smile back, he didn’t intend to be mean, he was just … calculating. She was soon back to the idle teenage chatter.

"Wonwoo," Mingyu leaned towards Wonwoo, his voice low, deliberate.

"Don't." Wonwoo replied before he even heard out what the guy was going to say.

… _Don’t?_

"No. Seriously. Dahyun is a weird girl and she has extreme tendencies. Quite obsessive too." Mingyu was trying to analyze the situation. _Something felt fishy._ The girl was supposed to meet him and there she was in company of her girlfriend, knowing her she would have texted him and postponed their meeting if she really met her friend by coincidence. "Their meeting is deliberate; she has a reason not to have told me, that is why she sounded anxious when she called you. She knew I would object.” Mingyu tried to concentrate, trying to remember the girl; he had always been so bad with remembering faces, everyone seemed like a simple insignificant detail to him. Mingyu shifted his eyes to Dahyun; he didn’t have to be a genius to tell her smile was utterly faked.

“They are just teenagers come on. It’s not like she would kill this girl because she stole her boyfriend or something.” Wonwoo laughed.

_Wrong, Wonwoo, that’s where you are wrong, you don’t know her._

They were ordering a drink; the other girl looked genuinely happy, carefree. Pity almost habituated Mingyu’s heart for the briefest second.

Some gear clicked in Mingyu’s mind. “Wonwoo, what made you think so?”

“Hmm, not sure. But if I were a girl then I’d probably-”

“That’s it!” Mingyu snapped his finger triumphantly. He remembered the girl. She was one of the few girls with the boy who punched him last time he was with Dahyun. The only girl with the least skinship wardrobe, even with Dahyun she was still wearing a T-shirt that hardly revealed anything and white pants.

“Watch!” Mingyu said, moving Wonwoo’s head in the stand’s direction with his hand, he moved his chair closer to Wonwoo’s. Dahyun was watching the girl as she stirred her juice with the straw. “A drink. Public. Dahyun hates nothing more than strawberry juice.” Dahyun was holding a glass of a vibrant red strawberry juice, “She also happens to love stigmatizing people.”

At first it didn’t compute. After a second Mingyu re-approached Wonwoo’s sentence which he had cut earlier, “If I were a girl I’d probably get close to her…” Mingyu paused, looking at Wonwoo as though urging him on.

“And destroy her.” Wonwoo finished with a hard expression. “You can’t be serious, they are just teenage girls.”

“Weren’t you the one who was going to say so? It’s because they are teenage girls, plus it would only be sabotaging.” He titled his head, his voice taking a deeper tone. “What would have you done?”

Wonwoo laughed loudly, a few passer-bys stopped to stare. “I’d have gotten close to that girl I hate then slowly destroy her.”

Mingyu’s expression was a mix of his almost-smile and smirk. “Here’s my theory, the drink won’t stay in her hand for long. I don’t know how she is thinking but it is a possibility.”

Wonwoo got up, flashing a smile, “Play it off.” His lips shaped before he started walking. Mingyu hated the feeling of responsibility that nagged at his conscience, but he couldn’t ignore it. He followed Wonwoo’s lead from a distance.   
  
At first, Wonwoo passed the two girls and leaned on the counter checking the menu. The girl started drinking the juice. It all happened too fast Mingyu almost didn’t notice. He found a wallet falling to the ground then Wonwoo knelt down and got it.

Mingyu closed the distance, smirking. _Smooth._

“I believe this is yours,” Wonwoo said with his lethal smile. “Oh!” He said scratching his neck shyly once she turned to face him. Dahyun was thunderstruck when her eyes met Mingyu’s. She looked at him with a coy smile and questioning eyes.

“Ahh when did it fall oh my god! Thank you.” The girl said and hesitated before turning. Wonwoo was staring at her face.

“Excuse us,” Mingyu said, throwing his hands over Wonwoo’s shoulder. “My friend here couldn’t help following you with his eyes. You should excuse him; you two ladies look very beautiful.” Mingyu knew it was a cheap line but he was just as skilled with the sweet smile as Wonwoo was. And he was self-conscious of his sex appeal too. The girl was eye-locking with Wonwoo. Dahyun on the other hand was passively looking Mingyu in the eye, gripping her drink hard.

Wonwoo laughed, it was a melodious tone, one that almost made Mingyu smile too. “And I saw your wallet falling from your bag, you should be careful. But I’m grateful it did, now I have the chance to talk to you.”

“Mina,” Dahyun said with the fake smile again, the girl still hasn’t turned; she was probably naming her kids with Wonwoo, too caught up. Mingyu shook his head compassionately when his eyes met Dahyun’s again.

“Move.” Mingyu said lightly to Wonwoo, and so did he. Only one stride and he was facing Dahyun. He gently took the drink from her hand and put his hand on her shoulder. “I feel speechless in spite of your beauty, so excuse my rude actions but that’s the only thing I can do.” Mingyu said to Dahyun. She couldn’t help the blush.

“It’s not worth it,” he whispered to her, aware that Wonwoo had consumed all of Mina’s attention, “and the guy doesn’t deserve you.”

It was as if a switch has flipped. She looked at him with teary eyes and said, “I was the one who broke up with him.” She hardly managed to say, her voice hoarse with to-come tears. “And she’s supposed to be my friend.” A tear escaped at the last word, she bit her lips to hold back the tears. Mingyu pulled her closer to his side, as if in a hug and patted her arm.

“It’s not worth it; let’s see how we can solve this.”  
Mingyu looked at Wonwoo and smiled placidly. He heard the last sob of Dahyun’s held-back-tears and nodded to Wonwoo.

He clasped his hand together. “I would have loved to stay and chat, but unfortunately, we have an appointment.” Mingyu said, standing next to Wonwoo who side eyed him then smiled.

“It has been a lovely evening, Mina.” Wonwoo said taking her hand then kissing its back courteously. Then he turned.

“B-But I didn’t even get your name.” Mina extended a hand as if to catch Wonwoo.

Mingyu jabbed a thumb in his direction, “Trust me, it’s your win. He’s taken and he’s just lip service.” He made a face.

Wonwoo laughed as he was being dragged, watching the girl’s shocked face amusedly.

“I like you, you’re amazing!” Mingyu said with a big grin on his face as they left the mall.

 

“What are we going to do now?” Wonwoo asked once he closed his flat’s door. He walked toward the wooden table in the centre of the room and took off his shirt, not yet turning to Mingyu.

“The one thing we have not done.” Mingyu answered, meeting the turning Wonwoo with a kiss. “Let’s see how good you are.” He wrapped his left hand around Wonwoo’s abdomen from behind, while the other wrapped his shoulder from under his arm. He kissed his neck, clearly hearing Wonwoo’s low-pitched moan. Wonwoo turned his neck to the side, kissing Mingyu.

Mingyu’s hand slipped to Wonwoo’s nipple, pinching it, it wasn’t hard yet. Wonwoo groaned, he slammed his hand against the table, not intentionally meaning to.

“Are you giving in already?” Mingyu whispered and bit Wonwoo’s ear. Wonwoo knew Mingyu was intentionally talking in such a tone. Wonwoo’s uneven heart rate beneath Mingyu’s hand was audible.

“As if,” he said at last, hardly audible. His left hand reaching to draw Mingyu’s head closer. Wonwoo felt his tongue against his teeth, and then it reached for his throat. His other hand slipped into Wonwoo’s pants, he could feel the bulge already. He reached further, then pushed Wonwoo slightly with his body near the table. Both of Wonwoo’s hands returned to the table, moaning again. Mingyu’s groan was that of pleasure.

“Who do you think of when you are doing it?” he whispered, his hands started rubbing Wonwoo’s cock, his leg pushing between Wonwoo’s legs from behind. Mingyu was again kissing Wonwoo’s neck as his hands worked faster, coaxing more moans out of the slowly-growing-breathless Wonwoo.

“I need you to think,” Mingyu started, deliberately dividing the sentence, “of most erotic thing,” he pushed him against the table again till there wasn’t any space left, feeling the pre-cum wetting his hand, Wonwoo’s moan was loudest so far. It wasn’t about the way Mingyu was doing it, it was the fact that Mingyu was doing it that left Wonwoo in such a miserable state.

“Gyu…” Wonwoo managed to turn his name into a moan.

“Sshh.” He whispered into Wonwoo’s ear, then kissed him again, shutting his moans but feeling his lips quiver as he broke, “I’m not gonna let you come.” He was never a sadist, he wanted to tease Wonwoo, he wanted to tease him so bad. Mingyu wasn’t getting half of the ecstatic feeling he was feeling, but he knew how to enjoy himself.

The phone in front of them started ringing. Mingyu decided to ignore it.

“Gyu...” Wonwoo repeated breathlessly, he was at his limit already, “I can’t.” He still hadn’t lost any of his dignity though.

It kept ringing, Mingyu felt like snapping.

“I can’t!” was the last half-scream, half-moan Wonwoo let out before letting out even more from his body. Mingyu smiled and took out his hand. He eyed the receiver then smirked. With his clean hand he clicked the button and whispered, “Punishment.”

 

“Hello!” the voice at the other end said. Wonwoo was still catching his breath, leaning on the table but he looked at Mingyu who was watching his red face amusedly as he backed to the bathroom. Wonwoo’s eyes were painful to look at, he tried to side-eye Mingyu but he could still feel it.

“Hey!” was the last thing Mingyu heard Wonwoo say before disappearing to the bathroom. It seemed even enough for whoever was on the other end.

Mingyu washed his hand and watched his reflection for a while, shaking his head as he smiled. He had no clue what he was doing.

The door opened, Wonwoo cleaned up quickly and changed into a new pair of underwear without saying anything to Mingyu who was watching all the time.

“There won’t be any need for that now,” Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo near him by the waist. He smiled but put a finger on Mingyu’s lips.

“No can do, I have to leave.”

Mingyu almost couldn’t believe his ears. “What!?” He spat.

“You shouldn’t have picked up the phone,” Wonwoo broke from his embrace and reached for his pants. “Now you leave too, I’m not trusting you with my valuables.” He went out and got Mingyu’s jacket then opened the main door and gestured for him.

“Wow.” Mingyu had this strong urge to laugh; this was so unbelievable it struck as funny. He was being shooed out of someone’s apartment after jerking them off. If anyone was capable of doing that it had to be Jeon Wonwoo.

He snatched his jacket, clicked his tongue and left.

_Jeon fucking Wonwoo._

 

 

****

****

****

After Wonwoo kicked Mingyu out, he called him later, sweet-talking his way out of what has happened without any concrete justification, demanding a rain check. At first Mingyu sounded bitter but soon all the bitterness was gone. Wonwoo didn’t know whether that should be promising or ominous; something within him felt a sting as Mingyu had said, “It’s not a big deal”. Simple words, often said but somehow they weren’t fine. It took them a while to set a date; obviously Mingyu had a lot of things to do, so the date was set on the twenty-seventh; three days after he had been kicked.

 

Wonwoo just felt down in the dumps, somehow he was angry at Mingyu, like he shouldn’t ever be treated like that.

_Jeon Wonwoo feeling down, wrong, someone making Wonwoo feel down. What a fucking joke!_

For a while, he contemplated leaving his place and standing Mingyu up; not actually feeling any specific feeling of remorse. But he thought it felt too immature, something he didn’t particularly mind either. Thus, he killed time, no, that wasn’t the right expression; Wonwoo never had to kill time.

Never in his life had his whims and cheer momentum decisions got the worst of him, but his mind couldn’t help wandering to this dark area, reflecting on the two past months of his life, the sudden impulsive calls, the questions he was evading, the decisions he didn’t want to make, others he thought he won’t have to regret … the mistakes he didn’t intend to make.

The gamut of his emotions.

Nothing and everything. So far was so not good.

 

The door opening was the thing that finally forced a certain emotion to dominate. He was glad Mingyu knew where the key was; that he himself wouldn’t have to open the door for Mingyu. He rose and met him at the door nonetheless. Wonwoo’s anger struggled to remain intact as soon as he laid eyes on Mingyu. Something about Mingyu always appealed to him, trivial things about his looks; his eyes, his smile, his hair, things like that always felt like a turn on and made Wonwoo flip to the flirt he was without having to hold back. Something about the way Mingyu could keep up with him was a catalyst to him as well. Mingyu said something but Wonwoo wasn’t focused enough to hear.

The former pressed a smile but Wonwoo was dealing with his lips some other way, he had never kissed someone this aggressively before; the longing beastiality, it was hot and it stung him, the brief breaks they had to catch breath left him high and aching for more. Wonwoo closed the door and leaned on it, grabbing Mingyu inwardly, he wondered if this was what it meant to be inflamed with the burning passion.

 “I want to fight with you,” Wonwoo said; his voice ragged, not from the kisses but something else along with that. He clenched Mingyu’s shirt, crumpling it in his fist as he put his head on Mingyu’s shoulder, “Why are you never there?” he whispered, “Even as my friend.”

Mingyu couldn’t make sense of any of what was being said, yet Wonwoo’s jabbed enough pain to be conveyed as he felt it gnawing at his own heart, clearly waiting to be acknowledged. Mingyu was silent; he looked like someone who had been desperate to say something but for some reason was keeping it back. It felt too out of character and that made Wonwoo undergo another negative emotion. It was almost funny how many emotions he was capable of feeling in such a small time interval. Neither of their breaths had the time to even be steadied, but there they were standing; each swimming in his own pool of thoughts. Or feelings.

 

“Wonwoo, listen,” Mingyu started, holding Wonwoo’s cheek and leaning towards Wonwoo’s forehead with his own. Wonwoo closed his eyes; he thought to hell with everything, it really was nothing. He slowly pulled Mingyu’s hand away, walked to the bed, his back to Mingyu’s face. He stared at the ceiling then smiled.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_ He thought and his grin got wider.

“Shut up and kiss me.” Wonwoo said, turning around to see Mingyu smiling himself. Whatever Mingyu had to say, he wasn’t going to hear. Not now, not ever, why would he even care about what Mingyu thought. Mingyu spun him around but Wonwoo soon pushed him to the bed, his hand hitting the lamp it fell and the room went dark and he was the one facing the ceiling. Mingyu’s hand pinned him down to the bed, his mouth leaving Wonwoo paralyzed as his kisses were witheringly sweet, and Wonwoo was torn between desperation and confusion. He wrapped his hands around Mingyu’s neck, refusing to let go. Mingyu pushed down Wonwoo’s pants as Wonwoo tugged at his own until they were down. He broke away for a second to take off his shirt, watching Wonwoo’s head as it flumped on the bed.

“This has got to be sexy, I like the fire in your eyes.” He whispered. Wonwoo fleetingly wondered if Mingyu was capable of seeing the kind of face Wonwoo was making at the sight of him. Mingyu towered over him, playing with his hair briefly before his ride started.

The ecstasy, oh the ecstasy.

_Love._

 

They lied still, neither of them saying a word, simply listening to the silence that engulfed both of their beating hearts. Wonwoo threw a side look at Mingyu; his eyes went back to being dull. Fleetingly, he thought about the times when he saw a mirrored burning passion in his eyes, the thing that -ironically- attracted him to Mingyu, the conclusion was that only very few times he had witnessed that look. Only very few times.

He got up and stood at the other side of the bed where Mingyu lied. He was grinning like a fool.

“What?” Mingyu asked returning the smile. Good sex really did the trick for both of them.

Wonwoo shrugged, he really didn’t have a clue what he wanted to do, just another uncalculated move. “I just noticed I never got to fully look at you, or your body.”

Mingyu laughed.

“So, we have finally slept together, I stayed over at your place once and you did the same thing at my place once as well. We have been seeing each other over the past two months a lot and you still say you didn’t get the chance to fully look at me.” He emphasized the last sentence as if it were something so stupid.

Wonwoo smiled and stopped himself from saying anything else. Hardly succeeding in doing so.

“Come on,” Mingyu said pleadingly after a while of watching the sad naked puppy that was standing beside him. Wonwoo shifted his gaze to Mingyu’s eyes, questioningly.

“It’s not reaching your eyes,” Mingyu got up, standing head to head with Wonwoo, the back of his hand slowly caressing Wonwoo’s cheek. Wonwoo jolted a bit at the statement and the gesture.

 

“Tell me, Mingyu,” Wonwoo’s tone was high, unintentionally.

“Hmm?”

“Do you think I can have a long-term relationship with anyone?” Asking similar questions never failed to make his heart wring.

Mingyu didn’t hesitate. “No. I don’t think you can even have any commitment to anything, not to mention anyone.”

He managed to make his voice sound as if he weren’t mocking Wonwoo.

Wonwoo smiled. “Not even you?”

That caused Mingyu to laugh more than the so-called joke deserved. “Specifically not me.”

Wonwoo’s smile spread wide enough and reached his eyes. “Care to explain?” He had a feeling that Mingyu had a very legit reason. He had always been that kind of stupidly reasonable people.

“I don’t get the concept of anyone who knows me truly loving me, that’s one reason for you.”

Wonwoo’s smile almost faded but soon returned before its absence was noticed. “Are you implying you have shown me a part no one has seen?” the words carried another implicit meaning.

Mingyu didn’t answer. His eyes as devoid of meaning as ever. Wonwoo added the statement he knew Mingyu wanted to hear, “Or you simply mean the you who don’t smile and act all nice and suave?” his voice was laced with an underlying tone that Mingyu didn’t miss.

“I don’t want to hear that from you, but I won’t deny it either. Guess it’s true that it takes one to know one.” Mingyu’s gaze was the proud steady one, naturally.

“Wow, did your majesty just say a self-deprecating statement?” Wonwoo fake-gasped.

“Not really.” He laughed; Wonwoo always thought he had a peculiar sense of humour until he had met Mingyu. “Okay, picture this. You and I are in something more than just a physical relationship, why would you love me when you know I’m not really such a piece of a cake?”

This time it was Wonwoo who didn’t hesitate; although he could tell it was no joke. “You are funny, Mingyu, it’s because I don’t know why I would love you that’s why I love you. It’s not really explicable, not that it’s something extraordinary or because I myself don’t fully understand it. Rather ... part of the charm is not being able to explain why.” Something in Mingyu’s expression had Wonwoo add, “Does that make sense?”

“Hardly.” He turned and got in his shorts, “Life is give and take and we already have a good bargain, everything else is just … dispensable.”

Part of Wonwoo was relieved he couldn’t see Mingyu’s expression, as for the other part … not at all. He forced a smile.

Maybe it was due to the sullen silence that lasted scarcely, or maybe Mingyu could actually muster some feelings of remorse, he turned to Wonwoo and said, “Funny how only when I did something nice to you that some of your feelings of affections started surfacing. Like what will happen when I do something you detest or when I get on your bad side, you’ll just toss me aside and hate me forever? Is that how whimsical you are?” He was looking him straight in the eye, as if Wonwoo’s eyes were made of a translucent material that Mingyu was capable of seeing through.

“That’s where you are wrong, you are the one who tosses what they don’t need aside, you said so yourself.” Wonwoo was hurt, so he had to hurt Mingyu. As simple as that.

Mingyu’s face was cold as death. “What’s the point to all this talk?” He asked defiantly. Wonwoo felt some kind of silent triumph, he felt as if he had made Mingyu get on the defensive. But for some reason the victory was extremely and utterly insipid, it hardly felt like one frankly put.

“I’m merely trying to form a mental image of how long I’ll be in your life…”

“How long till I replace you?” Mingyu corrected; more of a statement than a question. His face was softening, as far as the word could go in such a situation.

He gulped. “Yes. I mean all of _this_ is prolonging the inevitable. You ought not to need me at some point, not that you really need me but whatever.” Wonwoo wasn’t sure if the words were supposed to hurt Mingyu, or himself.

When a person says something, they usually have a few scenarios of how the situation would unfold once the words are said. Wonwoo, however, didn’t expect that at all. Mingyu stood silently and for the first time since they had met, he wasn’t looking Wonwoo directly in the eye as they talked, he was looking out from the window, meeting his subtle question with silence.

“Come on,” Wonwoo said quietly, succeeding in averting Mingyu’s attention to him again. “That’s supposed to be the point when you tell me you need me, even if it’s a l-”

“Even if it’s a lie.” Mingyu said. It wasn’t callous, it wasn’t passive, it was nothing, and that was where it hurt.

Wonwoo just smiled.

Slowly, Mingyu approached him and kissed him. He sat on bed, grabbing Wonwoo along, and soon their sitting position wasn’t really sitting.

_Just what are we?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //screams sorry, apart from whatever this was, I've never written anything smuty-ish (this doesn't even qualify as smut) I never do it for a reason but still it's just way too humiliating... don't let me talk about it fuckk


	9. Illegal Move

****

****

****

Mingyu cancelled all his meetings for the day, he turned off his cell phone and headed for the park. The last day of October was no less chilly than any summer day; on the contrary, Mingyu could feel hazy. It had been a while since he last used the sketch he usually took along with him; for he had been focused on the ‘quilted canvas.’

He sat down leaning on the tree, using his left leg as a support for the sketch. Staring at the clean page, he started humming a tune.

 

“You are doing it wrong,” he heard after a while of humming his plangent melody. Something landed beside him, someone.

_Why am I not surprised._

Mingyu looked above him, it took him a second to register his shock, the guy just freaking jumped from _above_ him. “Did you just ambush me from above a tree?” he asked disbelievingly. Wonwoo laughed and started getting out the leaves from his clothes.

“Debatable.” He took off the lint. “I was saying the tune is so wrong. It’s sung in minor not in major.”

“Excuse you.” Mingyu was everything but excusing Wonwoo.

“You can’t sing chords yea, but it’s all about the feelings you pour into your voice.” He paused. _Your feelings,_ Mingyu thought. “Meaning, you should be melancholic and not upbeat at all.” Wonwoo said as if Mingyu didn’t understand what he meant. He walked and stood in front of Mingyu who watched him with skepticism.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and slowly let it out. What came next got Mingyu on his feet, his eyes popping out of their sockets, wide with shock.

“But you are running out of pain, and all those feelings feel the same…” Wonwoo was singing but he stopped there. Mingyu was bewildered, it was the same tune, so beautiful yet so tragic, something about Wonwoo’s oceanic voice, about his haunting expression, about the added lyrics, something was there, no, something was missing. Mingyu couldn’t believe his ears.

Wonwoo smiled, a sad feeling about his eyes. “Does that sound like a happy song?” he asked.

Indeed Mingyu couldn’t hum the tune the way he did with such lyrics, it was as if he were killing someone while singing I love you and jumping around. Maybe that scenario was more plausible than what was happening back then.  
Mingyu shook his head, “How do you know that?” he asked, the question was just… universal. He was still trying to analyze everything, meeting Wonwoo’s eyes and not meeting them simultaneously, he was looking at them but not at them.

Nothing made sense.

 

“What do you mean, it’s a known thing, isn’t it?” rhetorical. He kneeled and picked the sketch up from the ground; it was on a page that wasn’t empty. Mingyu had been looking at the bigger picture he missed most of the details. His hand was being pulled out, he finally came back to himself, Wonwoo was holding out his left hand and examining it diligently, his expression not quite fathomable, his eyes then focused on the drawing.

It finally hit Mingyu. He had never been this slow before. He snatched his sketch but left his hand nevertheless.

“Mingyu, did you draw that?” Wonwoo ignored the missing sketch in his hands and gestured to Mingyu’s hands. The chains and the flower and the angel. The beautiful blue flower with the aesthetic feeling it gravely implied accompanied by the chained angel that was now fading.

“I did…” Mingyu trailed off, pondering.

Wonwoo looked up. “And all your tattoos are your creation too?”

“Most are drawings that fade with time. But yes.” _Most.  
_ He kept staring at it for long, Mingyu getting uncomfortable; it was his latest ‘creation’, the one he added after meeting Wonwoo but before ‘meeting’ Wonwoo.

Wonwoo scoffed. “How convenient, the pattern of the movement of your ink spells ‘angel’ and now the colour is fading. Now I understand why; why your paintings are held in such ridiculously high reverence.” He let go of Mingyu’s hand. Then looked at him with the infamous bird like cock of his, as if he remembered something major to ask. “You never told me what an abstract artist like you had to do with the family business.”

Mingyu sighed, “You said it, family business.”

“That’s it?” Wonwoo asked, putting his hands behind his back.

“I thought we went over this. And when did we decide to bond?” Mingyu closed his sketch and crossed his hands, smiling the way Wonwoo told him made him look hundred times sexier.

“We are not bonding I was just curious, where’s the crime Mr. Officer?”

For some reason Mingyu had the urge to kiss Wonwoo, but for the same reason, he held back. “You sure are something, you know that?” Mingyu said smiling, he kind of felt like it had been a while. “We are still up for the night?”

“Yes. But not my place, I’m coming over.” Wonwoo said, taking Mingyu’s arm as usual, before Mingyu could even open his eyes, he was being pushed. “I’m going to show you some kind of fun you never had, move.”

“Just how bored must you be, Wonwoo?” Mingyu asked, breaking his arm free. To say Mingyu hated when Wonwoo was like that would be an outrageous mendacity, to say he disliked Wonwoo at all would be a lie on so many levels. They were walking near the street, still intimately spaced.

“Bored enough to seek your company, you are my date for the day.”

Mingyu laughed. “Surprise me, are we playing house tonight?”

“What? I thought we were already married, you traitor you broke my heart after you promised not to, now you claim there was nothing!”

Mingyu raised an eyebrow, “Dude, you are gay.”

“And you would have been a brilliant detective with a dead brain.” Wonwoo counter-teased.

 

“How about something nice, it abides to the take-and-give-rule of yours,” Wonwoo bit his lip; hesitating.

Again, he got the skeptic eye from Mingyu. “What do you have to offer me?”

“Not much, honestly it’s not a decent bargain at all taking in consideration you are party B,” he said. Mingyu could feel Wonwoo stealing a glance, cautiously forming his words; he wanted to laugh so badly.

“I’m going to let myself be indebted to you; it’s like a license you can use any time for anything.” Wonwoo said obviously still choosing his words. Mingyu didn’t know whether to worry or marvel at that, he went with the latter despite his dilemma.

“If…?” Mingyu said, urging Wonwoo to finish his proposal.

“I said it earlier, you’ll be my date for the day, meaning you’ll be extra nice to me, you know kiss me, hold my hand, open up to me, buy me food, show-”

“Easy,” Mingyu stopped in front of Wonwoo, holding him by the shoulder, waking him up from his fantasies. “I lost you at ‘open up to me’, nice try.”

“Still cautious as ever, aren’t we.” Wonwoo said bitterly. Mingyu made no comment. “Come on, I’ll even tell you about this tragic childhood of mine and how I lost my father and brother and all.”

Mingyu wouldn’t mind knowing, he wondered how much he could manipulate the details of his life.

“You had a brother?” Mingyu asked, starting to walk again.

“No, a cousin but I used to call him ‘hyung’. Are we going to walk all day?”

“Yes, we are. Did he die?” Mingyu asked, not really interested.

“It’s my turn to ask for something and not yours.”

Mingyu made a face. “Shoot.”

“I want to see your sketch?” Mingyu was happy that Wonwoo made it sound like a plea and not a demand. There were things you could show people, and things you couldn’t. More like didn’t want to, but the point stood.

“Fine. I’ll show it to you once we get home.”

“Tch.” Wonwoo wasn’t satisfied but it was the closest thing he had for a winning deal. “Guess I’m not telling you about Hyung till we reach your home then,”

Mingyu smiled, he wondered how many genuine smiles he had given Wonwoo. Surprisingly, the number was really savoury.

“Whatever. I’m bored either way.” Mingyu stopped and lifted a finger, remembering something. “Wonwoo, I almost forgot.” He drew close to Wonwoo’s face that he could feel his breath, looking deeply into his deep black eyes.

“You don’t really have to kiss me in public, even I wouldn’t ask for that much.” Wonwoo said playfully; perhaps a bit shyly as well.

“You wish!” he sneered, “your contacts; well, contact.” He tapped his cheek tenderly. Wonwoo was thunderstruck.

“Why so shocked? As if I didn’t know, actually didn’t I hand it to you the other day on the roof?”

Mingyu watched Wonwoo press his lips, wondering if that was one of the smile cousins, Wonwoo had at least ten different kinds of smiles.

He scratched his nose. “Yea, almost forgot.”

“So, why are you wearing contacts, are you ashamed of your Heterochromia?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “No. But seeing the colour is a reminder of the reason I have it, a reminder of who gave it to me, I don’t want to remember that.” Wonwoo let that sink.

“Do you hate him?”

“Who? My father?” he put on a thoughtful face. “I have not really thought about it, but I don’t feel any specific emotion when I think of him. I can’t hate him for passing on a genetic defect either.” A smile.

“Liar.” Mingyu smirked, still not looking at Wonwoo.

“Huh?!” Wonwoo stopped walking and backed his face.

“I don’t care about your father, but this’s not hereditary.” Mingyu said with a timid smile.

“…how did you know?” Wonwoo asked, flabbergasted.

“Why did you lie?” Mingyu turned around and looked at him at last.

“Forget it, I used a wrong eye-drop.” He started walking.

Mingyu didn’t want to press the subject, he decided to overlook the lie, it was he who, after all, understood the word ‘privacy’ most.

Best thing about liberal thinking is that no matter what happened, you could always move past a point, that the world didn’t end. And best thing about a liberal relationship, was that no one owed anyone anything. That was what Mingyu signed up for, a relationship that was not a relationship, no shackles, no commitments, no nothing.

The ability to stay normal without feigning after having such a conversation, that was something that only few could understand, but the ability to prove one wrong, to lie to someone so blatantly and yet stay on good terms, that was something that only they understood. Mingyu knew that; it might have been the only reason they were still together.

They didn’t decide to go home until they had already been together for six hours.

The last day of October, warning of a freezing winter. A long cold winter.

 

 

****

****

“This’s not healthy.”

“What isn’t?” Mingyu asked.

Wonwoo turned in bed to face him. “Having sex with you, obviously.”

That provoked laughter on Mingyu’s part; he opened his mouth to say something then decided to whisper it in Wonwoo’s ear instead. “If your ass is sore, I can think of a way or two to make you feel better.”

 

Wonwoo pulled himself up on his arm, astonished at the fact Mingyu just said such a thing then got up and worn his pants. “You are such a fucker you know that.” He half meant that.

“And you have a sharp tongue, are we done now?” He was looking at him with a hint of kinky smile, focusing all his weight on his right leg and folding his arms; showing his triceps. Wonwoo wanted to moan on the inside. “I’m getting coffee.”

“But it’s past midnight!” Wonwoo shouted after him but he was already on the other side.

It was the first time Wonwoo got a good look on the place. The first time he was there, he was unconscious; an hour ago he was too busy to notice the place. But that was not what caught his attention most, not the drawing on the wall, not the weird atmosphere or anything about the furnishing. It had always been the owner that made his mind spin. For the first time he was fully seeing Mingyu in the light.

Mingyu had another huge ‘creation’ on his back and abdomen. Wonwoo did know he had a tattoo there, he had just never seen it clearly, having had sex in the dark and their almost-had-sex moments that were interrupted.   
That time he came drunk and thought he saw a viper, it wasn’t a ‘he thought’ it was ‘he did see’. Its head was on Mingyu’s heart, the fang sinking –metaphorically- into Mingyu’s heart. While its body was twisted from over his shoulder all the way to his back to his side till its tail ended at his naval, making semi-circles. Such a shame his beautiful, rubyish skin was covered by so much ink. However Wonwoo couldn’t help thinking how utterly exquisite it looked. How everything about Mingyu felt like a burlesque of a tragedy. His state of mind, his attitude, his philosophy, his lifestyle. Every single simple thing about him.

 

Wonwoo got up, put on his shorts and went over to Mingyu’s sketch. Most of the drawings didn’t make sense, all but that faceless man. There was another, one that wouldn’t normally have caught his attention but he was high and dry, he needed something.

It was a face he had seen often, it was Wonwoo with his guitar, leaning on a tree, playing so placidly. It looked amazing. Nothing really special about it, on the contrary, it was crude and judging by the rest it was still under construction. But that was not it. Another page had the same faceless guy –probably, he was faceless- but there were a lot of scars. The whole scene looked twisted and bloody, beautifully twisted.

Wonwoo didn’t know what scared him more, that Mingyu drew this, or that he found himself bewitched by it.

“It’s beautiful…” he said, mostly to himself.

Mingyu was in the kitchen. “It’s not, it is imperfect.”

Wonwoo lifted his eyes briefly, still looking like someone who was dazed. “Imperfections make things complete, make them pretty.” He said, still trying to process the drawing.

“Maybe, but it’s flawed.”

_And so are you,_ Wonwoo thought, _everything about you._

“The drawings really don’t do justice, no matter how good they are.” Wonwoo carefully placed the sketch down and took a pencil while examining Mingyu as the latter was still talking. “They can’t quite capture what the eye can. Wait I’ll show you.”

Before Wonwoo could explain, Mingyu had laughed. Then Mingyu stood as if modeling, he put his right hand on his hip and bent his upper part in an arch shape in the same direction, his other hand burrowing into his hair and his tongue impishly sticking of his mouth.

Wonwoo couldn’t describe how sexy that looked. He left the pencil and laughed.

“My point exactly, the drawing can’t capture the beauty of the moment like the … like the eye can.” Wonwoo smiled to himself, feeling really weird.  
  
He finally went over, standing behind Mingyu. His finger traced the part of the viper that was on his back. Mingyu turned and held Wonwoo’s hand up, smiling.

“Do you like it?” he asked, his voice low, it sounded seductive to Wonwoo.

_Everything about you._

“What’s its story?” Wonwoo asked; voice just a bit higher than a whisper.

_Everything about you._

“A spin-off to that on my arm.”

Wonwoo was literally gazing into the colourless eyes, wondering if he would get to see them on fire someday. One thought consumed him, one sentence resonating in his mind _everything about you._ Just how long had he been like this?

Mingyu put his arms on Wonwoo’s waist; Wonwoo could feel it sliding to his butt. He tilted his head, kissing Mingyu back, slowly, passionately. His hands found their way to Mingyu’s hair, they were buried underneath, while the other was on his back.

Wonwoo could almost swear he heard Mingyu chuckle when they broke but only his ears could tell, his eyes were still closed, retrieving the recollection of what he was letting go off.

“What did you want?” he whispered into his ear, biting its lobe, descending to his neck, leaving marks that would soon turn into hickeys with his velvety lips, Wonwoo knew it was over. Everything was nothing. And nothing would be everything. It was already over, had been for longer than a while now.

“You.” Wonwoo’s reply came late, not affecting any of Mingyu’s decisions, Mingyu whose hand were in Wonwoo’s shorts now, Wonwoo who was screaming on the inside.

Mingyu’s groan almost made Wonwoo smile. “Is that so?”

“I forgot to,” Wonwoo tried saying, half failing, “mention some minor detail… earlier.”

“Hmm?”  
Mingyu had no intention on hearing Wonwoo out, but the latter knew for sure he would definitely have to.

_It’s over._ Wonwoo felt the pain of his words weighing wearily on his heart.

“I forgot to say I love you.”

That was when Wonwoo knew that it could never be taken back. He felt the slightest slowing down to the kisses on Mingyu’s part, but they soon picked up their normal rhythm. A rhythm that was much, much, much slower than Wonwoo’s heart.

“Kind of noticed.”

For a second, Wonwoo doubted his ears; Mingyu’s voice was muffled by the kisses. He just broke their deal yet Mingyu didn’t react. Wonwoo considered various options, none that was favourable to either of them.

Just for how long? For what? He wasn’t lying when he said the fun in loving someone wasn’t knowing why. But he had so many questions, and numerous answers that none met his liking.

He was attracted to him the same way light draws butterflies. They hurl themselves at it even though they know they would end up getting wounded, burnt, that it would hurt. Sired and enchanted by its compelling charm, by the blinding light.

 

Wonwoo was sick of pushing away the thought, he thought once he said it out loud everything would be over for him, that the decision would be made for him. But all Mingyu said was ‘ _Kinda of noticed.’_

That wasn’t the problem, maybe some other time under different circumstances such a phrase would have torn Wonwoo’s heart out, but it was what it was and that was all to it. That was how Wonwoo tried not to deal with the situation.

He had this moment where he wanted to set everything on fire and watch it burn, _to hell with_ _everything_ he thought. He just wanted the here and now to be forever. He hated himself for that, he hated how he didn’t hate Mingyu for his ‘ _Kinda of noticed’_ and most of all he hated how stupid he had been.

He was being kissed still, he couldn’t feel it, not really, he was looking at the glass, through it, daydreaming, how would it feel to jump from the eighth storey and fly as if the cold wind was capable of carrying him?

The wind of a cold night not putting off any of the wild passion in his heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm, sorry this was super short but it's 3am and my eyes are heavy (my all nighter game is getting lame rip)  
> but hey D E V E L O P M E N T, so forgive me? //sticks tongue out


	10. Zugzwang

****

****

****

When Mingyu woke up, Wonwoo was gone. Wonwoo had left him a note saying he would appear again sooner than he expected. Funny thing was he hadn’t shown up for three days. Mingyu even went to the restaurant as usual, twice since, but no signs of the raven boy; not in the morning, not at night. He asked Heechul-sshi who informed him that Wonwoo was out of town. Mingyu had no clue where Wonwoo went each time he ‘was out of town.’

But what was even funnier was that Wonwoo was texting him… a lot. However, he didn’t mention leaving town despite how lengthy his mails were, he was happily yapping as always. No mentions of _that_ night either.

On the fourth day, Wonwoo still being MIA, Mingyu woke up to his phone ringing. He was too drowsy and his eyes couldn’t focus enough to make out who was calling him, however, he could tell it was almost noon.

“Kim! Just how long are you going to sleep?”

Mingyu wasn’t really expecting anything, but he couldn’t help feeling his heart sink a bit when he realized the caller wasn’t Wonwoo.

“Give me one reason why I’d get up from bed, Seokmin.”

“Because I’m twenty minutes away from your apartment, that’s one for you, two, we are celebrating.” Seokmin said.

“Hyung!” Another voice was heard from the other end of the line.

Mingyu smiled a bit. He couldn’t see the point in celebrating him losing another year of his lifespan to time.

“How many of you are there?” he asked, getting up in bed, scratching his head.

“Right now, we are three.” Seokmin said. He heard some noises then Changkyun’s voice came breaking in “Happy birthday, hyung, Kihyun is arranging your party.”

Mingyu laughed, he always appreciated little things like that. “If Minhyuk is attending the party, I’m not making an appearance.” Minhyuk was their fourth friend, one of a two-pack bundle deal.

“He said he doesn’t want to see your loser face getting older, you are on speaker.” It was the last thing Changkyun said before a third voice intervened.

“Are you saying you want to be honoured by my twin’s majestic presence?”  
Jooheon; the other part of the bundle deal.

_What a bunch of losers!_ However, Mingyu couldn’t help laughing because suddenly he felt seven years younger.

“Yes, Jooheon, I was so gay for him I can’t help the need of impressing him.”

“Sassy as ever, he’s coming, you can breathe now.”

Mingyu could hear Seokmin shouting at them in the background.

“Anyhow, get ready, we are kidnapping you for the day, you are meeting all of the gang tonight.” Jooheon said, and then he hung up.

Mingyu stared at his phone for a while, never in his life had anyone hung up on him. “Losers.” He muttered then went to freshen up.

 

“I feel like playing a little game,” Minhyuk began, always the mood-maker, “you feel like a bunch of old geezers, jeez.” It was his second glass of wine.

“Someone stop him, please,” Hongbin said, he was another member in their gang of ten, he was also Minhyuk’s bestfriend, they often seemed like a married couple.

“I would like to have that honour,” Mingyu said shoving a cherry in Minhyuk’s mouth. “It’s my birthday and you get to shut your pie-hole, stupid.”

“Sometimes, I wonder how people call you suave,” Seokmin began, “Aren’t you this year’s and every year’s hypocritical douche.”

That caused a round of cheers, Mingyu shook his head amicably, it was stupid how they always pounced on any opportunity to make fun of any of them, making fun of him specifically got most acclamations; because it was so rare, because they hardly found anything to mock.

“Shut up! Mingyu is nicer than you are.” It was Jooheon.

“I second that,” Changkyun said then ordered some drinks.

“Minhyuk is always looking for a reason to have fun,” Taeil, the voice of reason of their little group, said.

“Excuse you, but does one ever need a reason to have fun?” Minhyuk said, obviously offended.

“Yeol, say something please,” Taemin prompted by nudging Seongyeol who had been smiling like a fool the entire time.

“I think you meant to say he is looking for a reason to drink,” Mingyu corrected, toying with his third cherry. A few objections aroused, all agreeing to the fact Mingyu was the one who drunk most often. At which they all laughed.

“Ahh, Hoya is finally here.” Jaehwan said, getting up to meet their friend mid-distance. He was walking towards them, the contrast between Jaehwan’s normal adolescent body and Howon’s (Hoya’s), who was most macho among them, was ludicrous. Mingyu rose to hug him.

“It has been a while… since you moved here, probably?” Howon almost suffocated Mingyu in his ‘hug’ regardless of the latter’s height leverage.

“Who gave you the right to get here after me?” Mingyu’s smile was genuine.

Howon motioned in the air in resignation.

“Just who fucking proclaimed you the Alpha?” It was Changkyun, the only one who didn’t initially belong to the group.

“Probably because he’s the only superior species among us, Lee’s, inferior species… what the hell is wrong with this group?”

“Bingo.” The twins said in sync.

“See? These two dorks,” Hongbin pointed to the twins, “were friends with both me and with Mingyu, whose bestfriend was unknown because the guy was nice to everyone, Seokmin hated Howon and Howon always-”

Someone, Seongyeol, shut Hongbin up.

“Bless.” Taemin said with an annoyed smile. “He was starting to give me a headache.”

Mingyu was just eyeing all of them, it felt extremely funny, almost cozily so.

“Nutshell, the group was really started because we’re all, but one pain-in-the-ass exception, Lee’s.” Seokmin summed the situation up.

 

The group finally settled down for the game, their bickering was so amusing even to the staff in the bar. It took them close to an hour to decide, but they decided to make their little game the last thing before they left because, surprisingly enough, it involved drinking.

“Last time the ten of us were together, it didn’t end up well.” Mingyu said, he was the only one who was having his sixth drink, although they had only been there for over three hours.

Jaehwan covered his eyes as if embarrassed at Mingyu’s uncharacteristic nostalgia, some hands hit him playfully as he recalled the night ending his single life,

“No need to be ashamed, Kenjjuma,” Taemin offered.

“Your bachelor party was amazing, so is your partner.” Taeil assured him. They all nodded mischievously; conspiringly even.

“That sure brings back memories.” Seokmin said, raising his drink. “I know it’s not time to talk business but I hope you have your next masterpiece ready.” He was addressing Mingyu.

“All of you should attend.” Changkyun said.

“It’s a given,” Taemin affirmed.

“Duh! I need to punch some nosey journalists.” Howon made a fist in the air, dreaming of punching someone.

“I refuse,” Minhyuk said, lying his drink down with a thud. Mingyu was smiling, anticipating, he knew each one of them well enough to already have a clear vision of what they would do or say.

“Let me guess, I broke your heart?” Mingyu stood up, walked towards Minhyuk and lifted his chin up. “Get in line.” He teased then let go of Minhyuk’s chin.

“I told you, bro, he’s out of your league.” Jooheon shook his head, faking a compassionate face.

“You broke my heart!” Minhyuk was getting up to his feet, staggering.

“Oh, no…” Taeil said.

“Please.” Taemin followed.

Mingyu laughed, Minhyuk was starting to sing, _“YOU BROKE MY FRAGILE HEART!”_ lengthening each word considerably.

Jaehwan put his hands on his ears, Seokmin got up, shaking his head, the twins were singing the chorus together. To Mingyu, it was infinitely a funny scene.

When Minhyuk finally stopped he said, “But seriously, I heard you are dating a dude now.”

“What, you didn’t think you were my only exception now, did you?” Mingyu was licking his cherry.

Minhyuk nudged his brother. “Is he prettier than me?” he asked, then got back to his drink. Mingyu was returning the blonde’s steady gaze with a playful smile.

“Give it a rest, Jooheon didn’t see him.” Seokmin interjected.

“Did you guys date or something?” Changkyun asked, truly seeking an answer.

And Changkyun got his answer; Jooheon’s clothes were ruined by what Minhyuk had spat from his drink causing the younger of the two to curse loudly.

“They never did, however they never missed a chance to do … um,” Taeil groped for the right word. Everyone was busy with the fighting-twins or with the convulsively-laughing Mingyu whose eyes even had formed tears in spite of laughing so hard.

Taemin finished Taeil’s sentence nonetheless, “To do what exactly they are doing right now.”

“Come to think of it, I never saw Mingyu dating anyone since our junior year.” Taeil looked at Taemin who nodded in agreement.

“It’s not that you didn’t _see_ ; it is because he didn’t date anyone ever since.” Minhyuk said then got back to fighting with Jooheon.

Howon finally made Jooheon and Minhyuk pipe down. “Someone broke his heart, I couldn’t punch them back then. He never told me who.” Again he had that dreamy look in his eyes.

Mingyu looked at Howon, amusedly sipping at his drink, “It was you who broke my heart, Hoya, that’s why I couldn’t tell you. Sorry if this is late.”

“I still have no clue how you were so popular.” The guy shook his head.

“And still is,” Seokmin added, “but I feel you, Hoya.” They all made an understanding face; as if it were a universal pain they all shouldered: The Victims of Kim Mingyu.

 

Their night continued on till just an hour before midnight, where Mingyu actually excused himself because he had received a text message.

“But the question remains, where are my gifts?” he asked when he was at the bar’s door.

Minhyuk sneered. “An asshole like you deserve no gifts.” He looked away. Jooheon nudged him at which the latter started addressing him, “Pipe down, you loser, get back to your ex or beg for his forgiveness or something.”

“At least I have an ex.” Jooheon said.

“A month ago, you were dumped… a month ago Shownu left your sorry ass. So zip it, pea-sized-brain!”

Mingyu rolled his eyes at the start of their brotherly bicker.

“They are at your house,” Jaehwan said, “I hope you like them, Yeol was the brain and Seokmin was the one who put the theory into practice.”

“Plus, we are paying for all the drinks you had, that’s not a piece of a cake.” Minhyuk said. It was true.

Mingyu lifted a finger and pressed it to Minhyuk’s lips teasingly. “No wonder I never dated you, you are so not my type with that petty mouth of yours.”

“And your new boyfriend is?” Minhyuk asked defiantly, basically shouting, most of them were semi-drunk, Taeil’s restraint was the one only thing that held them back, relatively speaking.

“No one said I was dating anyone.” He shouted from across the distance. At that, they all instantly fell silent. “When were I ever dating anyone?” Just like that, Kim Mingyu had left his friends. Having the satisfaction of seeing Minhyuk’s baffled expression.

He damn loved his clique.

 

Mingyu took out his phone and dialed a number. The line was picked up after three rings. “Hey,” he said, smiling.

“Gyu!” Wonwoo was basically screaming his name. Mingyu could hear a lot of noise then he heard Wonwoo say something then he laughed. “I’m almost there, the park right?”

“I have around five minutes till I reach there, don’t you dare stand me up.”

“Ohh-kaay.” Wonwoo said, stretching out the word, he sounded too playful, even for being playful, Mingyu felt it was an overdose tonight. Wonwoo laughed again and addressing someone, he told them to stop.

_He’s with someone, I see._

Dejection.

“I’m sorry, I’ll be there before you even know it.” Wonwoo promised then hung up.

Mingyu reached the big tree; he got out his keys and started carving random strokes, no particular reason; mostly killing time. Few minutes later, a finger tapped his shoulder.

“Pledging love for me already?” Wonwoo asked as soon as Mingyu turned around and faced him. “I’m not accepting anything less than a broadcasted declaration of your undying love.”

“I love how realistic you are.” Mingyu said, he could smell a strong scent of alcohol on him. Wonwoo almost fell on him but soon regained his balance.

“I’m walking you home, longest route possible.” Wonwoo said, again with the hand cling.

“Why?”

“No reason.”

“As if you can walk.” Mingyu scoffed.

“Well, I’m drunk and I’m trying. How about being a little bit appreciative?”

 

The whole journey was mostly Wonwoo yapping happily, nothing that really mattered, simply funny incidents, it made Mingyu laugh, he mentioned nothing of the few last days.

_Nothing at all._ Mingyu’s smile faded a bit at the morbid thought, pushing it before it consumed him.

Mingyu rubbed his temples violently and screamed, “You are blabbering too much, such a happy drunk you are!”

Mingyu couldn’t translate the incoherent mumbling that followed.

“It’s said that for every new information or detail you intake, you lose an older one.”

“So?” Wonwoo was definitely back to his flirtatious tactics.

“At this rate, I’m losing all my valuable knowledge and trust me I’m not thoughtlessly exaggerating, my mind is spinning.”

Mingyu was watching a few emotions colouring Wonwoo’s expression. “I never had drunk-up sex,” Wonwoo finally said with a spark of a brilliant idea in his eyes, tiptoeing a bit to kiss Mingyu. They were standing right under the street lamp, noticed by a few people. If they rounded the corner to their right, they would only have to pass the dark alley then they would be at Wonwoo’s apartment.

“Liar.” Mingyu breathed into Wonwoo’s mouth then grabbed his body near his, feeling the heat of Wonwoo’s body.

A moment of silence.

“Please make memories with me.”

Mingyu was taken off guard, his grip loosened. “What?”

“Drench me in new memories, all my favourite memories are the ones I would rather forget, I want to forget, forget everything but the here and now.”

Mingyu was observing Wonwoo’s face, it was still smiling, but it didn’t reach his eyes, it looked forced, he wanted to make him shut up, he wanted to hold him and kiss him.

Mingyu uttered nothing; he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how or why.

“Please … I beg you,” Wonwoo looked down, his hand crumpling Mingyu’s shirt. “Let me drown in you.”

Mingyu couldn’t hate himself more than he did back then.

Had he ever lived his life the way Wonwoo did, should he ever consult his heart, act after abiding to temptation, he would have never let go of Wonwoo. Now more than ever.

Mingyu decided to lose himself for a while, he held Wonwoo again, and quickly he spun him around along with himself so they would be standing in the alley, like before. But this time it was different, oh, by far it was different.

“You are not drunk, are you?” Mingyu said, not waiting for an answer he started kissing Wonwoo.

“It wouldn’t really matter at this point, would it?” Wonwoo answered the same way the question was asked; no room for doubt.

Mingyu pushed Wonwoo back against the wall, accidentally slamming Wonwoo’s side and hand to the waste-container on his left; having gotten carried away himself, pressing his knee to wherever he knew would make the sweetest noises out of Wonwoo.

Something triggered in him, without stopping the hot kisses, he lifted Wonwoo and positioned him on the fallen waste-container, grateful Wonwoo was very responsive. He felt Wonwoo’s hands wrap around his head, up and down his neck, and his legs around his waist, pulling him closer. It didn’t take long before Wonwoo’s hand stopped as well as his lips.

“Stop.” He said quietly.

Mingyu couldn’t believe this, was it even biologically possible to stop at this point?

He could see Wonwoo’s eyes, part of the darkness that surrounded them, clear enough. He took a step back.

“Are you aware of how I feel about you?” Wonwoo asked, not so quiet, nothing but assertiveness in his voice.  
Mingyu could almost feel his heart stop.

“I’m aware you’re in love with me.” Saying it out loud made him hate himself even more.

“… oversimplification.” Wonwoo said, closing his eyes briefly then instantly opening them again, as if recollecting himself.

“What did you say?”

“A grotesque oversimplification of how I feel,” pride filled Wonwoo’s voice with a tinge of unmistakable hurt.

Mingyu couldn’t find his voice.

Wonwoo sighed, painful enough was their sway over Mingyu’s ears.

“I lose first, Gyu.” Wonwoo said then got down, forcing Mingyu to take another step back. He stood staring off at the wall behind Mingyu. He jabbed his index finger at Mingyu’s shoulder, it hurt more than it should, maybe it was something else; mental and not physical. “I lose first, we are no longer fuck-buddies, I don’t know how long it has been, but I lose.”

Mingyu wanted to say a million thing; he was choking on words, thinking of a dozen of things but formulating none.

“I lose first.” He repeated, hardly audible then started walking away, slowly. He stopped and turned around, his face wasn’t visible. “What time is it anyway?” for some mysterious reason to Mingyu, he found Wonwoo laughing, very bitterly. “Happy birthday.” He got something out of his pocket, laid it on the ground then left.

Mingyu swallowed hard, feeling the clandestine meaning to his incorporeal asphyxiation.

Which was harder? Starting all over again, or returning to something you never found its closure after running away from for so long? Mingyu was beginning to feel a dark feeling in his stomach, it was slowly unfurling, eating him up.

He should have never let him walk away. Never.

 

****

****

****

There were a few ways to kick-start a morning, even if it was intended to be gloomy and one felt dramatically melancholic, but visiting a cemetery wasn’t one of them.

****

Nothing but dark thoughts roamed his mind; nothing but negative feelings flowed in his veins. Most of them conflicting; ‘because it was the right thing’ as he often used. And the atmosphere of the day and the cemetery wasn't really helping chase the thoughts away; if anything it was encouraging them.

The thought of how many people died, how many people had lives, families, someone they cared about and someone who cared about them lied under the earth's surface, it intensified the unescapable notion of everything having to end at a certain point. That paradoxically everything was prolonging the inevitable, Wonwoo couldn't come up with one thing that didn't have to end.

Just how many people he knew had this dreary place as their abode.

 

From a distant he could spot some smoke, nothing life threatening; it seemed only a stroke worse than someone smoking a cigarette. The recollection of memories related to a cigarette was sufficient to force a wretched smile on his face. The walking figure finally had features and Wonwoo didn't like what he was seeing. His dark messy hair would always be recognizable even if it were in a crowd of millions, Wonwoo never saw him walking while looking at the ground, it defied every logic.

They came across.

Wonwoo felt jaded. "Guilt tripping?" He asked, no smile.

Mingyu looked up, he was seeing him ponder saying something then he pressed his lips into a thin line. "Not really. My father."

They stood in silence, it didn't make Wonwoo uncomfortable, but the ease that was once existent in such mute atmosphere couldn't be distinguished. Wonwoo felt a searing pain.

He nodded and started walking, Mingyu caught him by the hand.

"Wonwoo, I..." Mingyu said, trailing off till he was able to see Wonwoo’s expression. Wonwoo was smiling, painfully, he hoped for what it was worth this could at least hurt Mingyu’s conscience if not his heart. Just a tiny bit of pain. And hopefully, some more which would be sufficient to make him hate himself.

Mingyu opened his mouth then clamped it shut, apparently having second thoughts about what he was going to say.

The nerve he had to finally press a smile. The nerve Wonwoo had to feel his heart tighten at the sight.

"I never got to say thanks." Mingyu said. Wonwoo had never felt a stronger sense of destruction more than he did back then.  
_Thanks, right.  
_ "For the amulet." Mingyu illustrated.

_The gift, naturally._

For one heartbeat, Wonwoo thought everything was normal, but it was more than enough for him to utter, "Kim Mingyu thanking me, the world must be ending tonight."

He wanted to take the words back as soon as they slipped out from his mouth. Mingyu was already smiling, smiling at the sight of the phantom smile that played on Wonwoo’s lips.

"I would have loved to spend the last day on earth with you," Wonwoo lied smoothly, half of his body turning "But I have to visit my family." He motioned with his head to the other direction.

"Ah. Okay." Mingyu said reluctantly. "Later, then."

Wonwoo was about to respond but Mingyu’s lips were already on his cheek. And suddenly, he lost all his words, all his senses. He looked blankly at Mingyu who was smiling then turned around.

"Yea."

_To forgive. To forget._

Was it possible for this ground to open up and eat him? Leave him there for whatever time remained till his _everything_ ended?

 

Wonwoo passed a grave that stated 'Jeon Kyung' and another which read 'Jeon Hye’ along with others. He only stopped two graves to the left. “Yoon Jeonghan," he tried reading the epigram but stopped after he had read the word 'father.' engraved.

A bitter smile.

He kneeled down, rubbing some of the dust; dust that was mixed with some ashes. Wonwoo looked at his dirty hands, the area where he had rubbed the dust off was uneven, someone had scratched something. How disrespectful. The writing was shabby, no wonder it seemed like it had been done with a knife and in a rush. But the words were clear, almost screaming. ‘ _A broken promise. No apologies.’_

Wonwoo felt a tear trickling down his cheek. What was pain? Losing someone or losing oneself? Pain to Wonwoo back then was him trying to will his tears to stay at bay, to beg himself to stay strong.

He rose up and kicked some dust at the grave, rage boiling within, downright exasperation at everyone. Three butts of cigarettes showed up at that angry swoosh.

Wonwoo was on the verge of losing it, clutching at the last straws of his sanity.

_Fuck you too!_ He cursed hotly.

He kneeled again to his knees again, holding his head in his hands, pressing it, vainly trying to stop the noise.

He took a deep breath, Mingyu’s face forming in his mind. He stopped his tears altogether after wiping them then threw one last glance at the grave. Then another at the grey sky, how much he hated winter, how much he hated rain… how much he wished it would rain.

"It is as much as I had loved you, as much as I hate you right now."

 

At last he stood tall, holding his head up high.

"And what's another broken promise when your every word was empty?"

 

****

****

****

Mingyu always hated how things can hung in the air; how you can not fight with someone yet your relationship with them would deteriorate enough to be worse than if you had actually fought. He literally spent his day toying with the thought of going over to Wonwoo’s place, to mend things, if that could be achieved.

_Atonement._

It was slowly approaching 9 P.M., Mingyu knocked twice yet got no response, he just slipped against the wall and decided to wait for Wonwoo. He would have to come back at some point. He had just seen him in the cemetery the day before.

_What the hell!_

Thirty minutes had passed. He refused to call him, he was too damn sure if Wonwoo knew he was paying him a visit he would try to avoid him. Probably.

An hour. Mingyu was getting fidgety, it seemed pointless. It was getting cold, the starless night ominous of a soon rain.

Another hour passed before he seriously thought of leaving, it took him everything to stay, just what did he want to say anyways? Just what did he have to say to waste that much time when he was clearly at fault? From the very beginning, he was.

That, he didn’t know. That, he didn’t want to know.

Only when it was a few minutes past midnight did the raven-black haired guy show up, he looked in high spirits; Mingyu felt his premonitions sobering his whole body up.

Wonwoo noticed Mingyu when he started ascending the stairs. Mingyu could swear Wonwoo’s smile faltered for a second but the moment was so brief he couldn’t aver.

“Yah!” he said, unlocking the door. “Watch it there, it’s broken.” Wonwoo pointed to the handrail. Mingyu ignored that nevertheless.

“I wanted to talk to you.” Mingyu said, skipping the formalities and closing the door behind him and then he leaned to it, folding his arms.

“Kind of noticed.” Wonwoo’s tone was neutral, maybe it was just Mingyu’s impression but the statement seemed like salt into open wounds. “But before you begin, I have to tell you this.” He let that sink for a second. Mingyu’s internal alert system was going ablaze.

“You don’t love me, and I’m going through a phase I should be too old for. I broke our deal and I acted like an insecure _girl_. So save your apology… please.”

_And that’s where you are wrong._

“You are not listening to anything I say, are you?” Mingyu asked dubiously, sadly even.

“Nope.” Wonwoo shook his head and smiled. Mingyu hated the way he was smiling.

“Wonwoo, you are destroying everything-”

Wonwoo hooted with laughter, stopping Mingyu’s sentence, it was absolutely devoid of any kind of humour.

“Excuse my ignorance, but what’s everything? Us?” he emphasized with air quotations. “Don’t make me laugh.” He rested his back on the table, using his hand to steady his stance. The different shades of sadness that shadowed his face. The same shadows that reflected off Mingyu’s heart.

“Well, if you want something to satisfy your pride,” he proceeded, voice much quieter, Mingyu was too focused on Wonwoo’s lonely eyes. Yet another reason to feel guilty. “Sure, I’m feeling self-destructive but you won’t be here to see my destruction.” Wonwoo seemed like someone who was talking to himself, the fire in his eyes was gone, only eyes that stared off into the empty space took place.

“We are over.” He laid emphasis on each syllable, and for some reason, that was when reality dawned on Mingyu, when everything came to him at once. Obscuring his mind.

“I was a fool, I told you: I lost. I was the stupid person who proposed something he couldn’t keep up with, I thought I could, but I never can to be honest. You are nothing special yet here I stand,” Wonwoo’s voice was uneven, cracky and smouldered. He had to pause to shake off that suffocating tone his voice took at the last few words.

_Don’t. Please._

“Here I stand begging myself to stand tall, to stay strong. Begging myself to feel nothing at the mention of your name or the sight of you. Just when did my life start revolving around you?” Wonwoo looked up at Mingyu. Mingyu wanted to diminish, to disappear, no matter what, no matter how justified he thought he was, no matter how small he regarded his mistakes, no one ever deserved to look this sad, no one should ever have such a pitiful look because of someone like himself. No one and definitely not Jeon Wonwoo.

“Actually why are you here?”

“Mending things.” Mingyu couldn’t find a better answer, his voice was soft.

Wonwoo sneered. “What? Don’t tell me you love me or something?”

“And what if I do?”

Wonwoo paused for a second, his eyes hardening then soon getting back to their plaintiveness. “See, that’s the thing with you, Gyu. You give me nothing, absolutely nothing.” He spat the words, injecting what Mingyu would mistake for smouldering hatred, he involuntarily winced at that. “Was it about the time we had? No biggie. The attention I gave you? Oh, please don’t get so full of yourself, just ask around. But you didn’t love me and so help me, how much I loved you, you can never come to understand.”

There it was back again, the loss of words and the smarting pain.

“It’s not too late,” Mingyu gave it another try, moving closer towards Wonwoo.

“You have no idea how late it is.” Wonwoo took a step a forward.

Mingyu froze. Wonwoo was the one to close the distance. He stood before him and closed his eyes, his hands burrowing through his hair, the agitation was plain seen on his face. “We are over.” He said.

When your mind was at loss, you simply had to let your body make the decisions for you.

 

Mingyu held Wonwoo’s chin up, looking at his eyes, slowly shaking his head as he watched the beginning of the tears twinkle under his dark irises. He kissed him, Wonwoo was responsive. “Say that again,” he whispered, touching their foreheads together.

“We are over,” he repeated, tears filling his eyes and voice even more so.

_That’s not it._

Mingyu went back to kissing him, he cradled Wonwoo’s cheek, the latter who was reluctant, but he also wanted him… Wonwoo’s closed eyes and creasing eyebrows looked as if they were savouring the moment and not hating it. His hope was unfavourably starting to become unhinged.

“Again.” Mingyu could feel something stingy, oh be burnt by the passion.

“I said we are over, everything-”

Their lips mingled again, not allowing the quiet voice to finish the sentence.

“Louder.” Mingyu’s hand was immersed Wonwoo’s hair, he could feel the heat. It was sad how he was the reason that made him hot, how that he was the reason behind his tears.

“...o-ver,” Wonwoo mumbled, he broke away and looked at Mingyu, his hand went past Mingyu, all the way to the door handle, opening it.

“Get out, please.” He pushed him, his eyes pleading, agonizing to anyone with a beating heart. He kept taking steps forward that Mingyu didn’t have any choice in backing down, his back hitting the stairs’ banister.

Wonwoo reached for him, he was the one who kissed him this time.

“I’m sorry,” a pause, a kiss-break, “I can’t go through this episode again.” His tears were uncontrollable; it was stupid that Mingyu thought they looked absolutely mesmerizing, that Wonwoo never looked as beautiful, so naked, so pure.

The searing pain Mingyu was undergoing, it was indescribably horrid. He was too caught up in the moment to notice anything but his captor.

Mingyu could feel himself falling, Wonwoo’s hand grabbed his. Through his fading vision, through the dark corners of his eyes he could see Wonwoo’s distressed expression, with the tears caressing his cheek as they slid down.

He smiled wistfully _how beautiful_ they were _._

Mingyu could hear him call his name, but he knew he was already midair, he didn’t know how or when, but he was most conscious of the free fall, he had never been as conscious of something as he was back then.

His body hit the ground, a smile spread across his face, it hurt. He could feel the moist spreading around him, in the colour he hated most. His eyes were flickering; he saw Wonwoo jump one story at a time, from three stories above, screaming his name with an emotion Mingyu couldn’t place.

What happened next didn’t register to him.

 

In the pool of crimson blood and love, he laid. In his own blood, in his own feeling. Above him and under the dark sky, an angelic face so pretty with a hidden tragedy seemed to be smirking as it held him. Mingyu was still smiling.

_Guess I won’t have to break my promise._

November sixth. That was when Mingyu missed the rain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, isn't that my 'ba dum tss' week of updates x)


	11. Loose Piece

 

****

****

 

Wonwoo couldn’t hear his footsteps as he walked, the music was too loud in his ears, almost painfully so. Making his way in that sick place which brought back a flood of memories, memories the only good thing about them was them being in the past, regardless of their outcome or how they affected his present.

The stench that killed him, the anesthetic that made its way through his nostrils, reminding his body how it felt to be doped, or to see someone in that state. The sight of flowers everywhere, the elders coughing, the sickly white walls.

His hands clenched into a fist, pressing what was inside.

 

He opened the door with the ‘B300’ tag. Luckily enough, no one was there save the admitted patient, although signs of someone frequenting the room was pretty clear to him.

Wonwoo reached the bed, throwing a mournful look at the tubes and bandaged head, a dark feeling blossoming in his heart. He took the person’s hand in his and put what used to be in it in the lying man’s hand. He leaned in and kissed his forehead, staying in that position for a while, trying to think of one positive thought.

“I really loved you, you know that.” He said longingly, tears threatening to unleash themselves. “I wanted you to rebuff my words, I wanted you to say what I wanted to hear.”

He looked on and looked on, suffocated by invisible hands encircling his throat; the embodiment of his fears and yearnings being in affliction.

 

Wonwoo didn’t want to leave, but eventually his feet carried him away. He didn’t want to go back to his nightmares.

_And then I was the one who took the emotional blow._ He almost laughed bitterly.

He didn’t know what to think; he didn’t know what to feel. Jeon Wonwoo was rendered into the smithereens that had become his heart.

_Hyung, it’s happening again._    

 

****

****

****

Mingyu fluttered his eyes open, slowly, for some reason it seemed to consume tremendous energy just to get such a simple task done.

It seemed like someone from a distance was shouting something about someone being awake, he feebly heard shuffles and noises around him, none that he could make sense of. He tried moving his fingers, but his body didn’t obey. His hand felt cold. Metal cold.

“Kim!” someone called.

_Huh?_

“DK, is Hyung up?”

He was tired, too tired, he didn’t want to think, it pained him.

His eyes shut down again.

 

 

****

****

****

“Jeon, are you not visiting him today?” Jihoon asked Wonwoo, three vain efforts were earlier exerted to draw the absent-mind’s attention.

Wonwoo shook his head. Continuing to stare at the void Jihoon couldn’t see.

“You have to deal with this. You have to move out of here.” He knew Jihoon wanted to tell him he had to move out of his very own apartment. He tried shaking Wonwoo who was curled into a ball. His dilated eyes not even moving.

“Just let him be, it’s obviously not going to progress.” Wonwoo heard another voice interjecting.

“Shut up, Hyungwon. Your negativity is affecting everyone in the room.” He was too calm for allegedly shouting.

“The only adequate response we get is his thrashing and screaming at night,” Wonwoo heard a third voice; Jackson’s. “I’m leaving, he’s eating and for now that’s enough.” He couldn’t even see Jackson leaving, not that he laid eyes on him since he set feet in Jihoon’s place.

“It’s been twenty three days, he was fine the first week. It’s not like _he_ is dead.” Hyungwon said.

“As if I know, just shut up, OK!”

“So we have mister comatose in the hospital and mister internal-comatose here. Great.”

“Shut that big mouth of yours already… seriously you’re starting to really piss me off!” Jihoon snapped. “Jeon,” Jihoon pleaded.

“What on earth happened?” Hyungwon asked, rhetorically; not that anyone could find an answer to such a universal question.

 

_Just what happened?_

_Just what happened…_

****

****

****

****

Mingyu opened his eyes, sluggishly, it pained him to manage as such. He felt dizzy, infinitely drained, somehow throttled, and utterly confused. His vision wasn’t clear enough to make a coherent picture of his surroundings. He had been going through those episodes for who knew how long; he couldn’t tell a damn thing, he couldn’t focus enough, simple facts seemed nonexistent; not that he had enough power to recollect as much.

But this time was different, he had been there for too long, he wanted to make sense of his life and that wasn’t going to happen as long as he was lying down like that.

It took every bone and every fiber in his body to make him sit up in bed, coming to realize a lot of things were attached to his body and face. One of the things -or a few of them- was pulled by accident in process, causing something to beep near him. His confusion was overwhelming, it seemed to be making a screeching sound in his head and he just wanted to shut it down.

Soon, a female figure dressed in white hurried in, she was saying stuff about lying down and asking him how he was feeling while calling for a doctor. Not sure how or when, a light was directed at his pupils, he distantly followed it with his eyes. He heard the doctor saying something about being responsive then something about an ARAS scan.

“Nod once if you can hear me,” the doctor said, pulling a chair to sit on next to his patient after positioning himself to be facing him.

Mingyu had taken a few seconds before he nodded.

“Let’s start with the basics, see if you can talk. What year is it?”

Confusion.

Mingyu tried to focus his eyes on the intruder, recalling the last things he remembered. He held his temples in pain, remembering pained him. More confusing thoughts taking over.

He wanted to say what year it was, but his voice wouldn’t come out. He thought of years, time, what was time?

“Of course, it’s stupid of me to ask.” The doctor followed, shuffling some papers and writing down some stuff. He handed Mingyu a paper. “Can you write what year it is?”

_Writing._

Mingyu tried to pick up the pen, his hands wouldn’t move at first, the doctor then handed him the pen, he was too disoriented to even see properly. With even greater efforts he lifted it up to write, his hands shaking, they seemed as if they could break any second. He didn’t even know what he had to write, he knew that the person sitting in front of him was a doctor.

Tremendous efforts exerted which took nearly five minutes –the doctor didn’t rush him- so that he could tame the pain, it was mild now, at least tamed enough that he could remember simple facts.

By some divine miracle, he managed to scribble ‘2016’.

“Good. What’s the last thing you remember?” he motioned to the pad. Mingyu just stared at him, blankly, he couldn’t even bring his mind to function properly. He was starting to search for his voice once more.

“Last date, place, incident, person?”

Something escaped his lips, too low, too weak, too unintelligible even for him.

_‘Wonwoo.’_

Again, the confusion surging forth.

“Okay, I’m going to ask you a few questions and you have to nod or shake your head. Are we clear?”

A nod.

“Your name is Choi Minki?”

That wasn’t his name, he could tell as much. He shook his head. The guy kept on writing as he asked more questions.

“You are twenty-four years old?”

Mingyu hesitated, _fourth of November … birthday._ He nodded.

The doctor stopped writing for a split of a second, looked at him from above the askew glasses.  
“Perfect.”

“Your name is Kim Mingyu?”

A nod, followed by one from the doctor himself.

He asked a few minor questions as the ones preceding, Mingyu was making sense slowly of reality, of facts, of faces.

“Okay. So here are the facts laid down, Kim-sshi. You have been here for four weeks, today marks the eighth of December, thirty-two days to be accurate. You have been in a coma.” He let that sink. “You seem to be making a good progress so far. Your injury isn’t extreme, you fell from three storeys, lost enough blood to enter a vegetative state. Causing a rib fracture, almost healed by now, a few broken bones in your arm and another few all over your body that were shallow enough to be healed by now.”

Mingyu nodded, he didn’t know what else to do, at least he was digesting information; albeit slowly and effortfully. He could see himself in the faint reflection in the glass. His head was bandaged and a lot of scratches were all over his face and what was showing of his body.

_Well that sure is going to leave some nasty scars._ He thought; somehow he felt such a comment was normal for him. Another look at his reflection. He looked like he lost at least fifteen pounds of his weight, he looked hollow.

“You are lucky, the fall could have affected your spleen and thus you could be paralyzed. Jeon-sshi was the one who kindly delivered you here, he said…” he paused and cleared his throat, Mingyu could tell he didn’t want to go over this. For some reason, it was something of a mutual agreement. “Jeon-sshi said you were fighting but then made up and you lost yourself there for a moment and tumbled over the barrier.” His eyes were dubious, Mingyu had to nod.

“Anyhow, this is not _my_ story. I have to run a few tests. Your record is clear from any diseases, low blood pressure, diabetes, frequent strokes. Nothing, so it’s quite surprising for you to just ‘lose it for a second’, professionally speaking. So did you experience any kind of black outs before?”  
Mingyu thought for a while, not about the question, but about the story. It seemed valid. He shook his head, he had never had any of these symptoms.

 “Alright, moving on. Your right arm took most of the damage on falling. Your cerebral cortex is intact and so is your CNS. Are you following?”  
He was, he really was, but maybe it was his expression that forced such a question. He was thinking of Wonwoo.

_What happened?_

“Your recovery is mostly now up to your mental state, as for the physical aspect it is improving supremely. You are expected to recover in a week’s interval, statistically speaking of course. Most of the cases like yours were healed. Most.” His emphasis was blatant. “As I said, it is all up to you. You’ll be staying for a while here until you can form speech, probably because you have not spoken in a long period. Your strength will come back as soon as you start eating properly.” He stood up, tucking the pad into his long white jacket’s pocket.

“That’s about it, your friend left he said he would be here soon. I’ll come back to check on you later.”

He had stopped just before he reached the door. “Ah, something else. There is this amulet you have been clutching to with your hand.” He gestured to the table by Mingyu’s side then pressed a sympathetic smile and left.

 

Mingyu looked at the table, a vase of Narcissus flower lied there, it was still efflorescing. Next to it lied a pendant, it wasn’t his amulet. His eyes were wide with shock, he could hear the machine marking his heartbeat on elevating.

_Narcissus._

It was as if he were seeing a ghost? A person coming back from the dead.

A pendant coming back from the dead.

 

 

****

****

****

The night was dying, declaring the thirteenth day gone. A reminder of how long it had been since he last had seen the sleeping face.

Wonwoo went back to his apartment, after being declared ‘normal enough’ by his friends. After showing enough sanity and competence to stay on his own. After somehow he demonstrated something that didn’t indicate any ‘indifference abnormalities’.

For two weeks, he did go to visit Mingyu. For two weeks he was devoured by the regret, by the self-loathing. For two weeks, nothing fueled him more than his overwhelmingly insatiable appetite for vengeance.

It had always been _‘As much as I’d loved you is as much as I hate you now._ ’

Wonwoo’s fair bargain.

 

He was lying on his bed, staring at Mingyu’s amulet. Having stared at it for so long, for so many days in the same manner, the letters carved on it seemed to move, the ‘ _Another Broken Promise’_ seemed to shuffle around, losing its glamour. He closed his hand, the pressure of his fist noticeable it made his knuckles turn white. His phone had been ringing nonstop since morning, he had left it on mute, not feeling any obligation to talk to anyone, any obligation to deal with anything or anyone.

For some reason, he picked up the phone. He didn’t say a word, waiting for the caller to spill the beans.

“Jeon, Kim is dismissed; he has been home for almost two days now.”

It was in this exact moment that Wonwoo experienced his emotions at their tumult. Only then did he understand how it was possible to have a thin line separating love from hate. His heart failed him nonetheless, feeling the peripheral leap of unspoken bliss. He closed his eyes, both savouring and chasing away the memories, the only thing he had been doing lately.

“And you are calling to tell me so?” he finally said.

Jihoon paused, Wonwoo couldn’t register any feeling of pity for any of his friends.

“Jeon, he was the person you loved.” Jihoon said after a long pause heavy with silence.

And like hell he did… ‘the person he loved’, the word had visible air quotations now. They were there, limpid, waiting to be acknowledged.

“I like the past tense in your statement.” He wasn’t trying to be cold. Coldness just became him.

“Just, please,” Wonwoo seldom heard Jihoon’s pleas. He never heard Jihoon feel so much for someone but a certain someone he loved. “For what it was worth, go talk to him. You cared at some point.”

_Cared. Also past tense._

He didn’t utter a word.

“Just why did you stop caring altogether? Since when-” Wonwoo heard Jihoon biting his tongue. What came next he knew someone had to say someday. He has asked himself the same goddamn question times and times again. “When did you allow yourself to care so much you had to stop caring altogether?”

A pause. The words sinking. Deep down in Wonwoo’s heart. Deep, deep down.

“I’m hanging up.” Wonwoo said curtly. And so he did.

 

He was compelled to throw the pendant away, maybe throw it against the walls, maybe it would break the walls and fall into the cold December night the same way Mingyu did a month ago. He wanted to scream, to shout, to cry, to blow some steam off. He wanted to hit someone, preferably Mingyu. At best, himself. But most of all, his hyung, an impossibility it was now.

 

“Just how long is this going to last?” he asked passively.

 

 

****

****

****

It took him twelve days to recover the basics. Mingyu was perfectly capable of forming speech and performing all the basic and complicated –as complicated as broken ribs and arm could allow- tasks. He refused to stay with any of his friends and kindly turned down their offers of thoughtfulness. He wasn’t one hundred percent ambidextrous but he used his left hand enough.

Mingyu wasn’t sure how much he had missed out, but the sky was grey, promising to rain really soon. The chills of winter were felt on every inch of his body.

And it has been forty-six hours since he came back. Forty-six hours of longing to meet Wonwoo. Of wanting to settle things once and for all. Hopefully.

 

Mingyu never regretted a decision, not because his decisions were always right, but because he never made any unless he was one hundred percent sure it was a winning situation.

Eventually, his legs led him to Satan’s door. Whatever was broken in the barrier, it was clear that a few constructions had been made to fill the void. He had stood in the vacant area before he knocked on the door, leaning on the barrier and looking at the sky. He saw lightening then thunder followed, loud and massive. He stretched out his hand, feeling the trickles of rain. Feeling every drop hurt at the brief point of impact. He looked down, a guy wearing a parka was slowly making his way up, not bothering with an umbrella or anything to cover his face. His dark hair getting wet, sticking to his face.

Mingyu felt his heart ache.

Wonwoo didn’t look at Mingyu, he searched for the keys in his pocket. Something gave Mingyu the impression that he was struggling to get the task done. He wanted to say something, anything. The aura around the guy had changed, he couldn’t sense the senseless joy about him. Everything just seemed to darken.

“Can we, like walk?” Wonwoo said, turning to him, looking down as he shoved his hands in his pocket.

“In the rain?” Mingyu was skeptic but he was happy they were talking, it seemed normal.

“I don’t mind it. Would it affect your health?”

Mingyu shook his head, lifted his collar and soon they were walking.

 

An umbrella wasn’t needed. They walked in silence for at least two blocks, only the sound of rain thundering around them. They didn’t touch, their shoulders didn’t graze, their eyes didn’t meet, their voices didn’t overlap. The silence was evidently uneasy.

“Are you seeing someone?” Mingyu knew it wasn’t the best question in such a situation, but he couldn’t come up with anything better. And he did want to know.

The shake of the head was hardly there. Everything about Wonwoo seemed to diminish. Every single thing about him.

“I’m sorry.” Wonwoo said passively.

The ineffable pain those two words caused. The way they were said, the nonchalance, the face that was devoid of any humane expression.

“I just wanted to tell you that. I don’t feel like owing you an apology.” He added in the same manner.

Maybe if such a statement weren’t said, maybe if he didn’t look like someone who had to get the words out of his system, maybe if he had actually meant them, maybe if he didn’t even bother voicing them; Mingyu, in turn, would have apologized for a dozen million thing.

But now, he was dealing with a proud broken heart.

“Is that everything you have to say?” Mingyu fought to keep his voice steady.

“Should I have more to say?” Normally, a playful smile would have tagged along. But it didn’t. Not this time.

Mingyu looked up at the sky, he wondered if they were mourning for something, they seemed to reflect how he felt. Murky, disconsolate, raining. He loved rainy days. He loved the cold. In the coldness he found a shelter.

“Listen, if you’re here to make sure there are no hard feelings,” Wonwoo paused, looking over his shoulder. When he looked back the rain had engulfed his face. Drops of rain weren’t the only thing wetting his cheeks nonetheless. “Then rest assured, everything is the same.” There was no smile either. He was turning to leave. Mingyu wanted to scream for him to stop. He always wanted to scream words he never said. Words that were always too late even if they were uttered. How foolish.

“Wonwoo, I-”

“Go home, Mingyu,” Wonwoo forced one of the most excruciating smiles known in history; he looked like an angel with a broken wing. Cast away. Abandoned. Alone and in pieces. “You shouldn’t stand in the rain for too long.”

And as he watched Wonwoo’s slender fingers hesitating an inch away from touching his cheek, soon to be pulled back upon the realization; multiplying the pain by the eyes awash with deep sorrow, Mingyu knew this was the second time in his life that he regretted a decision.

He was watching Wonwoo walk away. He was staring at the hailing rain, blurring his vision, feeling the huge lump in his throat that he used to feel whenever something hurt him.

 

 

****

****

****

Wonwoo stood in front of the bathroom mirror, having never seen himself so emotionally naked. A man who had lost everything. A man who had willingly given up everything that was once of value and given in to everything that once ruined his life. A man who had shut out everything and everyone. A man whose plans never went as planned and it was catastrophic. A man whose life was a sin and his existence was a mistake.

 

_You can’t have something that was never yours._

_You can only have so little and life will take it away when you’re looking away._

_You can’t let go of something you tragically loved._

_You can only let go of things you once held on to._

_You can’t run away forever._

_You can only take so much_.

_You can’t be haunted by your mistakes._

_You can only make a lifetime worth of mistakes._

_You can’t be broken by love._

_You can only break the person you love._

_You can only apologize so many times._

_You can only apologize so many times._

And it was the broken who loved to break.

 

 

****

****

Mingyu was in Changkyun’s gallery, preparing for an upcoming exhibit. Trying to distract himself from last week’s unfortunate encounter. It always left a lingering pain whenever he thought of Wonwoo’s expression. He was weak, he was a coward.

He was instructing someone about the painting’s place when he got a call. He dismissed the guy and took the call. It was Seokmin telling him someone was waiting for him in the longue, he wasn’t going to be there though. Only a blonde guy would.

“It’s Lee Jihoon,” the other person in the room said. “I’m one of Jeon’s friends.”

Mingyu was too tired to bother with the formalities. “How can I help you?”

“I know it’s none of my business and you are free not to reply, I probably wouldn’t if I were you.” Mingyu wanted to urge him to cut to the chase. “So I’m not going to beat about the bush. You were going out with Jeon until a month ago.”

“I was hospitalized, yes.”

He thought he saw Jihoon’s expression darken, then it got back to the protectively-apprehensive-friend-mode.

“Excuse me for being rude, but did something happen between you?”

Mingyu laughed bitterly on the inside.

_Define something._ “If you are here to insinuate that I was the cause behind the about-face personality change,” Mingyu began, saying it out loud made it sound real, “then I probably am.”

Jihoon approached him, “You have got nerves.”

“Please,” he said tiredly, “I don’t have time for this.”

“Fine, I’ll make it short.”

Mingyu wasn’t stupid, he knew what awaited him and he fully embraced it. However, the impact of the punch on his face surprised him as if he weren’t waiting for it. He fell on his butt and stayed there. He could feel one of the broken ribs crying in complaint, he tried not to wince, feeling the heat of the blood rushing to his cheek. The shorter guy sure knew how to throw a punch.

Jihoon stood before him, his eyes blazing with fury.

“Do you even understand how it is to speak so lightly of something that weighs just as much?” he spat each word, venomous. “Never in my life have I see Jeon on auto-pilot mode, never in my life have I seen him so indifferent about everything he once liked, about his friends, about parties, about his job, about sex … about _you.”_ He managed to make his tone hateful enough.

Mingyu needn’t hear that.

“Never in my life. He was someone who always laughed, who never cared in a good way, not like now. Do you understand the size of your mistake? Of how much you have let him down?” Mingyu was just watching him, his face not betraying any of what he felt. Jihoon was an embodiment of his very own rage, and that itself would have been the blasphemous oversimplification.

“Jeon might not be the greatest boyfriend in the universe, but you,” he pointed his finger at Mingyu with such unspeakable animosity in his eyes. “You totally didn’t deserve him.”  
And just like that, Lee Jihoon went out of the door, his steam not seeming to have calmed down nonetheless.

 

Mingyu waited a few seconds before he staggered to his feet. Again it was raining as he looked out of the window; he watched his shadow pantomime heartache on the walls as the fire crackled beside him.

Jihoon’s every word struck a sensitive nerve, only because Mingyu had been telling himself such over and over again. He knew he was held responsible, and he knew why albeit he had been avoiding facing the question…

He knew he would break Jeon Wonwoo yet that didn’t stop him.

“I have my fucking reservations!” He finally shouted. Then, at the top of his lungs, he screamed his pain away. The words burnt as they made out their way. His breaths were getting out of control. “I fucking didn’t mean to!” He screamed louder as he was watching his vague angry reflection on the glass, if only he could ask Jihoon to punch him again.

“I fucking didn’t mean to.” He repeated, his voice much lower in tone; much more vulnerable.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayo guys, missed satan much? I mean sb went as far as to point out my satanic tendencies on my ask account so I can only assume... here's your chapter tho  
> anyhoe //drums fingers  
> we're almost there, hang on a bit more, no? xx


	12. Dead Draw

 

****

****

Wonwoo never memorized birthdates or any dates in general. It was the twenty-third of December, fifteen days before the winter exhibit. Obviously, everything was a constant reminder of him. But it was already over. And Mingyu wasn’t to blame. They shared blame equally. They were partners.

_Partners._

Three times. Three times Mingyu asked to meet him. They went out and the number of exchanged words was almost nonexistent. Each time he couldn’t respond normally, he couldn’t talk to him properly, he couldn’t bring himself to care and that definitely didn’t escape Mingyu’s notice.

He didn’t touch him, he didn’t kiss him.

He could tell Mingyu was trying to act tough… normal even, as if the incident didn’t unsettle him, but Mingyu was limitlessly shaken.

Wonwoo couldn’t feel a damn thing, even the void failed to fill his heart. He dwelled in emptiness and emptiness became his lonely companion.

 

He rolled onto his side, curling and clamming up.

_He handed me a match._

_I sparked a fire._

_And we both watched it burn._

_Is either of us planning on putting it off?_

_Does either of us want it in the least tamed?_

Wonwoo shook his head and smiled bitterly, his eyes darting up.

_Is the fire even apt to being contained?_

He couldn’t stand the pain, but it was his decision. Solely his; without anyone’s influence. Nearly no one’s influence.

Nearly.

“How long are we going to feign ignorance?” he asked into the void as he wrapped the blanket around him tighter.

“How long are you going to condemn my life, hyung?”

 

 

****

****

“You are seeing him!? Since when are you one to ignore reality?” Seokmin asked, the tone of disbelief distinct in his voice. He was rubbing his hands together despite the cold as they stood at the corner of a street.

“I’m not, that is exactly why I’m doing what I’m doing.” Mingyu said, waved then he left Seokmin. It was because he wasn’t going to pretend the past wasn’t real that he had to meet Wonwoo more often.

 

His legs carried him almost instinctively, knowing the destination without having to think. He stopped in front of Diamond Café. On taking a deep breath, he entered. He greeted a few members of the staff then they told him Wonwoo’s shift was over and he was soon admitted into the staff room.

He could tell even the atmosphere in the café has changed, and everyone was silently mourning Wonwoo. He waited for Wonwoo till he had got out of the café then said, smile plastered on face, “It’s my turn to force you to tag along.”

Wonwoo only levelled him with his unyielding stare, a distant feeling tugging at Mingyu’s heart. Wonwoo looked cold and Mingyu itched to hold him close. He was trying to do his best to ignore the passive face. Without declaring anything, they were walking.

_No promises._

“Is it responsibility?” Wonwoo asked.

“That bounds me to you?” Mingyu wasn’t stupid not to project, he didn’t really know, there were a few topics he was willingly ignoring and this was one of them. “Would you believe me if I told you I don’t know?”

He was trying to see past the pure mask of vacancy, but Mingyu could see nothing. The light that was long gone in Wonwoo’s eyes, oh, what he wouldn’t give to see that light back.

“I wouldn’t. I don’t see a point of sticking along.”

Mingyu couldn’t help it; no matter how many times he asked the question to himself or out loud; the answer remained a constant in the equation. “Wonwoo, what has changed you so much? What have you seen of me while I was out of it to hate me so much right now?” Mingyu was a bit hurt at the thought; he didn’t get it and that alone pissed him off.

“I don’t hate you.” He was picking up pace.

_Fine, you don’t._

He broke stride, calling out to Wonwoo who stopped in turn. “Wonwoo,” he repeated. Wonwoo turned around to face him. Mingyu couldn’t make sense of his expression, he had never been left at such a disadvantage of not being able to expect the next move. A distance of a few meters separated them… physically.

“Before I fell, you were crying,” he began, obviously trying to get something.

Something about Wonwoo’s empty expression indicated that that time was probably one of the last times history had written down Wonwoo’s tears. “Those tears, they weren’t because you were breaking up with me.”  
Be it the illusion of time, or Mingyu’s mental state, but the silence seemed eternal as if it were the longest silence Mingyu had beheld.

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu was pleading for an answer.

“Why does that matter so much to you?”

“It matters because it does.”

“It’s your attitude that makes it so hard to deal with you.” Wonwoo said, no sign of any emotion.

“I don’t feel like hearing that from you, please answer my question.”

“Why would I answer yours when all you trigger in me are more questions?”

Normally, Mingyu would have been more than capable of coming back. But he didn’t. Everything he had to say would be unjust. He had already broken so many promises he made to himself.

“See? That’s probably why you lost me.”

_How in this forsaken insane world could you stay so nonchalant?_ Even Mingyu couldn’t help but feel evoked while having such a talk, was it even possible to be this indifferent? Was everything about them really over?

“You can’t give me one simple answer but expect me to answer all of your questions; I’m not your truth serum.” He seemed to be tracing a cloud of breath that was coming out of his mouth as he spoke. “And the tricky thing is that some of these questions revolve around you. Just how do you expect me to answer them?” he looked up and studied the sky for a while. “Looks like it’s going to rain.” Wonwoo kept staring at the dark sky, he stretched out his hands a bit, receiving the first offspring of rain.

Mingyu ignored the irrelevant remark, he ignored the rain as well.

“What do you expect me to give you when all you do is take? When I nearly gave you my all?”

Wonwoo’s line was harsh. But Mingyu had always been harsh; this was how it felt to get a taste of his own medicine. And he was speechless throughout the whole skit.

 “I’m like that because you are the one who moulded me into this.” There was ever the slightest hint of emotion in Wonwoo’s voice. Regardless of the spiteful emotion, it was still labeled as one. The closest thing to progress.

_How to fully embrace your punishment._

Mingyu hesitated, not not-knowing what to say, more like trying to come up with the best possible way of phrasing it without triggering Wonwoo. “But you do have an answer most of the time. And only you could answer my former question.” He said decisively.

“You know what? It’s stupid. All of this.” Mingyu was too focused on how pretty the rain was against Wonwoo’s skin. That alone was stupidity’s incarnation. “Us standing in the rain, you still trying to stay with me without saying any of the key elements to any relation, me actually talking to you, anything affecting me. It’s all stupid.” He took a step closer, not even the drops of rain making him waver. “Have you ever said you love me?”

Searing pain gnawing at a frayed heart.

“Forget that, have you even apologized?” Wonwoo asked. Mingyu had never thought that Wonwoo being passive could be useful. But it still hurt; him not caring enough to be hurt. “Why are you still here? As I asked before, is it your ego? I’m sure you don’t love me, I mean you’ve made that crystal clear. But then again, I’ll keep saying this: I was the one who ruined our ‘ _shallow’_ relation.”  
Mingyu didn’t know how his very own face looked, but it looked bad enough to make Wonwoo say, “Just look at your face.” He was still calm. Unnervingly so.

Mingyu sighed, taking in a few drops of rain. “You are a low maintenance boyfriend. Seriously, you lack in many aspects; many more than any mainstream boyfriend does. And as a human being you are by far flawed. Your morality code is very questionable; it’s most eccentric, no less fucked up than its owner. However you do have one, even though it doesn’t abide by society’s or anyone’s rules, but it’s yours; they make up morals; your morals.” Mingyu knew he had to get this out of his system in any possible way, his timing sucked, but the whole situation was unfavourable; it was not like the change would come by itself.

“Your point being?” there was a limit to how much someone could lack interest. The rain made everyone seek shelter.

Everyone but the two of them.

“Just let me finish. You are nowhere near perfect, and that’s your charm.” He let that sink. “My point is, you were capable of loving me.” A pause. “I’ll walk away if you give me one good reason to, a damn reason for why you hate me.”

“I said I don’t hate you.” The respond was instantaneous.

_But you don’t love me either._ It sounded vain.

“But it’s not like before.” Mingyu said cautiously, taking two steps forward, towards Wonwoo.

“No. But then again, you were never there to walk away. Why can’t you just be honest with yourself?”

“I am honest, that is why I’m here. I want to know what happened.”

It was okay to only comment on only a few parts of what Wonwoo said. For the time being it was okay. Just for now.

_I thought it was going to be okay, that it was okay to overlook everything in the past._

“For what it’s worth, you are right. The tears weren’t because I was breaking up with you. As for my reasons, you don’t get to know that. I don’t owe you as much.”

Mingyu knew Wonwoo was trying to convince himself it was going to be okay. He had broken enough hearts to realize those kind of tears, he had got his heart broken to know that kind of pain. The pain that was severe enough to make you take refuge in, make a home of, always resort to because there was nothing else left.

“It’s okay.” It was Wonwoo who said that. However, it was Mingyu who had turned and started walking away. He couldn’t take this anymore; all of it.

_And how should I hold on to you when I need someone to make me not give up on you?_

 

 

****

****

****

Wonwoo felt the void. Wondering why Mingyu acted as if he were fine although he was clearly unnerved. He wanted to have answers to his questions, maybe they were the start of something good. Even if they negated everything; he would at least have the satisfaction of knowing how it ended. And not having the end written for him while he just sat down and watched.

_Sit back and enjoy the fall._

It was probably his one thought for the past two days. Mingyu walked away, Mingyu was giving up on him.

_All I wanted was you feeling something, having your heartbeat rise at the sound of my name._ And at that Wonwoo tried not to be fraught with more questions than ever.

Lies beneath lies… where did that leave the truth?

 

****

****

****

****

Mingyu was sick of only dreaming of him, it was about time he made his dream a reality once again. He needed to sort out his own mess, he was no longer backing down on the words he wanted to say. Today, he planned it was to be sink or swim.

He went to the café, something he had been avoiding for some time now. Seeing Wonwoo act indifferently to everything, not seeing him flirt, not seeing his smile. It was like Mingyu’s sunshine was gone.

He waited till his shift was over; pretty late that was.

 

“I’m going to fix you.” Mingyu tried to sound positive as he ambushed Wonwoo in the street. He was buried in his muffler and beanie and coat. Hardly any of his facials obvious. The fierce eyes had long lost their fire.

“Good luck finding something to fix.” He said and continued walking. Ironically, it sounded promising, the new Wonwoo wouldn’t have replied to begin with.

“Can we please go somewhere private?”

Mingyu took Wonwoo’s silence as a sign of approval, he went back to the café, hoping the staff room would be empty. They made their way there, Heechul-sshi’s eyes following them, Mingyu saw the slightest hint of compassion in them.

 

“What happened?” Mingyu asked as soon as he closed door. That one question, the crux of the problem yet the key to its solution.

Wonwoo made no answer.

“Are you aware of how I feel about you now?” the paradox of the question, it was the same question yet the answer was going in the other direction.

Mingyu flashed an uneasy grin. “I don’t think I need that to be stated out loud.”

Wonwoo nodded, still impassive as ever. Well, the new kind of ever.

Silence stretched into long, long minutes.

“Listen, Wonwoo, I’m willing to start over, to mend things, to…” he stopped; to what? To love you?  
Kim Mingyu in love. What a fucking joke!

The mocking sore sneer. “This is not about you,” Wonwoo said. “Fundamentally, this could never have worked out. Not now, not before, not ever. Maybe if things happened differently, maybe if our, if _my_ love was really destined, instead of…” he trailed off for a second, Mingyu was astonished, Wonwoo was keeping a straight face, how easily he could utter such words. “Instead, things were planned out differently for us.”

How much Mingyu wished for this, how many times he had dreamt of cracking the hard shell, getting a glimpse of Wonwoo’s soul even if it was for the briefest instant, seeing the core that was skillfully coated with that flirtatiousness of his. Had he ever believed, like everyone else, that what he was seeing was what this ravishing ruby amounted for, he would have never made it this far, never got his wish granted even if the method wasn’t how he desired it to be.

Sinking in his thoughts, he forgot to answer; he was faced with a question now.

“Just where were you?” Mingyu was startled out of his thoughts; he looked directly at Wonwoo’s face for the first time. Still the passivity bathed in coldness. He was about to answer nonetheless, but Wonwoo wasn’t done. “Just where were you in all that I was going through?”

Mingyu wished he never found his voice. “How do you manage to make everything about you?” he didn’t fully regret it, but if he got a second chance he probably wouldn’t have uttered these words. Pride was what he was and it was his ruins.

“You know what? You are right,” Wonwoo might have been getting worked up, still no signs of any expression but the eternal emptiness. “I’m selfish and you fucking knew that. That’s what you fucking signed up for. So save your breath and shower me with as many accusations as your ego strives.” He let that hang in the air for a while. “It changes nothing, it just proves that I made the right decision when I left you.”

“Why are you always playing the victim? Just who do you take me for?” Mingyu almost snapped. Almost. “How long are you going to hide the pain?” Mingyu put his everything into that one question, everything his heart couldn’t make out, he hoped this one question conveyed how he felt. He was done watching everything burn.

Wonwoo raised his hands in resignation. “How long are you going to pretend you know nothing?” he shook his slowly, sadly, and started walking away. Mingyu made no attempt to catch up to him, he could only make matters worse and he knew it.

“How long are you going to run?” Mingyu calmly verbalized his thoughts.

Wonwoo stopped briefly. “As long as you keep watching me go, as many times as you don’t attempt to catch up to me.” Mingyu watched him approach the door. He knew Wonwoo was standing on the line of giving up and wanting to test how much he could take before he was completely broken.

 

“I’m so fucking sick of apologizing, you are not the only one who ended up on the ground.” It was just a bit higher than a whisper, but it was all Mingyu needed. He let himself hear the click of the door. He let himself cling onto the hope. On a whim, he ran to the door, opened it and he grabbed Wonwoo. His words failed to reach him, he didn’t have hope that his desperate kiss would, but he couldn’t stand doing nothing either.

Mingyu didn’t kiss him back. “I’m done apologizing,” he said, looking away. He was grateful for the back door, but the lack of light was disadvantageous.  
“It’ll go away. Whatever I did to hurt you, it’ll fade eventually.” It was a lie, a lie Mingyu wished it were true.

He heard Wonwoo laugh, a laugh he could never forget for what remained of his life, it was the most acidic, cynical laugh he heard in his life. Wonwoo took a step back.

“I’m sorry but I was laughing because you sounded as if you were trying so hard to cling onto your own words. That is the second time for you.” He said. “First it was people move forward and not on, now pain fading. Time…” He shook his head. “Time heals nothing. It never healed shit for me and I don’t think there’s a likability that it might someday.” His eyes began to shadow over his face, a hostile fire taking over. “That’s a fucking incredulous lie everyone fools everyone with.” Wonwoo now looked like a replica of Jihoon the other day. Or maybe it was Mingyu who felt everything was taunting him, hating on him just as much as he did hate on himself.  
“It’s a fucking illusion of progress. What’s there to heal? Wounds? Broken promises? Hearts? Don’t make me laugh.”

 

Despite believing such himself, Mingyu truly wanted to hold him close and tell him everything would be fine. It was comical how much Wonwoo was his exception, how many things he defied just for the sake of making the wheel spin. Thus, he was going to embrace him, but Wonwoo snapped. “Just let me leave.”

Mingyu realized another step would be a fatal mistake; Wonwoo was on the brink of losing it.

And what was there to lose for a man who had nothing left.

Mingyu took a step back, lifting up both hands, subdued and dejected. Wonwoo’s eyes were threatening.

“I know you have your pride,” he said, looking down, fixing his clothes. “I don’t expect you to chase me forever, I don’t need you to either. Move on.” He said the last two words with so much pungent satire Mingyu had to wince.

 

Only then did Mingyu understand what it meant that everyone had it in them to pull the trigger.

 

  
  


****

****

Wonwoo hardly got any sleep, the events of the day playing in his head like a broken record, echoing through the emptiness that filled his heart. He felt like Mingyu was taking a step forward while he was taking two back. He couldn’t give up Mingyu but he couldn’t give in to him either. A hand in the fire and another in water. Standing between heaven and hell.

Was that what it felt to agree to be damned by your ultimate sin?

Wonwoo was going to the exhibit, he didn’t know why he wanted to go, but he felt it was a necessity to be there, an obligation. As if he owed him as much … as if he owed himself as much.

A faint hope that Mingyu can fix him.

 

When he stepped into the gallery, everything seemed to be going well, everyone looking at the paintings, or chattering, very smooth. It was warm, parallel to the outside, or his own heart. A quick scan resulted in spotting Mingyu alongside Seokmin. He didn’t have to be close to realize which Mingyu’s work of art was. A black and white painting of the faceless guy was hung on the wall; a lot of changes were done to the painting nevertheless. The featurelessness didn’t look out of place anymore, it looked natural, even deliberate. Wings of an angel were drawn behind him, everything about the colours and the scene looked alleviating. Everything looked different though. It was no longer a portrait, it was transformed into the abstract work of Mingyu’s.

Had Wonwoo never seen the inspiration, he would not have guessed they were the same. He shook his head slowly, a pang of pain striking him. 

Wonwoo didn’t take any steps in that direction until Mingyu was alone with his drink. He was entering the longue. _How wishful._

The image of Mingyu still dancing impeccably in the candle and fire light as its tongue licked the ceiling, the two light sources that weren’t put out despite the howling wind.

“That sure makes me nostalgic,” Mingyu said as soon as he laid eyes on him. “I can’t help but questions your motives for coming here tonight tho.” He put a cube of ice in a drink he had just mixed himself.

“You want me to leave?” Wonwoo asked emptily, voice hollow.

The proud look. Nothing would ever change this way. “Do I even have a say in the matter.”

“The painting looks nice.” Wonwoo said, his best attempt at an unintentional compliment.

“Thanks. Everyone hates it, you are probably my only fan.”

“Was that the sequel to the one you made years ago?”

“So you could tell?” Mingyu leaned on the arm of the sofa.

“More or less, I remember Seokmin saying this should have been the one you present.” He paused. “Did he not like it?”

“Not really... well, he did.” His mouth gaped to say something; he clenched his teeth to stop himself. Another try, he didn’t speak before he tried a third time. “It was supposed to give off the feeling of a person’s deepest wish.”

Wonwoo didn’t really want to say what he was about to, maybe he did it for old times’ sake. “For what it’s worth, it has a very soothing feeling. Is that your deepest desire? Salvation?”

Mingyu shook his head. “It’s not about salvation.”

“Then you do have a wish,” again the sense of normality, of belonging.

Mingyu looked right at him, smiling warmly. Where was that smile before? Wonwoo watched the flames dance in Mingyu’s dark irises.

“You are avoiding it.” Mingyu said, biting his lip.

“What is it?” Wonwoo asked, utterly clueless.

“Wonwoo, you have only used my name once since I came out of the hospital.” He got up and started walking towards Wonwoo.  
Just how many times could one’s heart leap a beat before it stopped altogether?

Wonwoo’s only way out was another question. “And you are avoiding my question.”

“Does it hurt so much?” for some reason, Wonwoo was positive Mingyu wasn’t directing that question to him but to himself. He came to a halt. Right in front of Wonwoo.

“It doesn’t change a thing, but your answer does.”

“Evanescence.” The way Mingyu said this one simple word sounded as if he had never been as sure about anything in his life as much as he was sure of his answer back then. Wonwoo’s face showed signs of life, signs of competency.

 

Wonwoo didn’t even understand the joke. A hand crept to his, his body hadn’t yet developed itself to be immune to such tenderness. He pulled back it instantly.

“That’s a foul play,” he didn’t intend to whisper, but what came out was no louder. “It’s no sweet memory I have of you, even that has changed; the one and only thing that should have remained the same. We are no longer on good terms,” Wonwoo gushed out, he was trying to look everywhere but Mingyu’s face. “A huge pit of emptiness and negligence and indifference lies between us now, something that nothing can bridge.”

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu whispered, his body overshadowing the candle light.

Wonwoo ignored him. “Nothing, I said,” he was trying to convince himself that he was feeling nothing, that it was his body that still hadn’t adapted to the situation. “That so called bridge we should have crossed once we reached, we sank below it.” He finally looked up to meet Mingyu’s eyes.

“Wonwoo.” The same soft whisper, the same soft lips, the same soft touch.

Wonwoo swallowed hard, continuing what he didn’t intend to be a monologue. “Or I did. And I should have been left there, alone. But you just had to save me.” His courage was restored now.

“Wonwoo, I lost nothing, you are still here. You came here.”

If Mingyu didn’t do it, Wonwoo would have probably been the one to initiate the kiss.

“I’ll kiss you senseless.” Came Mingyu’s demonic whisper, swallowing Wonwoo whole.

He could never be over Mingyu. This was the kind of love that didn’t make sense, it was the kind of love you feared to fall in, and that was what the entire story was about.

Mingyu stopped kissing him, pausing to look into Wonwoo’s eyes, his eyes that Wonwoo made sure they stayed empty. Then he took off his jacket and went to lock the door, returning only to lip-lock with Wonwoo again. Be it desperation, be it whatever anyone wanted to call it, but Wonwoo knew those two kisses were ones he would never forget.

“You had to come and save me, and that makes you a fool, that made you lose.” Were Wonwoo’s last words before the kisses escalated.

And in the candlelight, like a crumpling stage, like a burning house of cards and as their bodies found a missing piece, they seemed to be dancing a burning room.

 

Mingyu watched Wonwoo as he got dressed, not daring to ask his question. He turned to him as he put on his shirt. “I have never seen something as paradoxical as our relation, now all we amount for is sex-buddies, without even the ‘buddies’ part.” He said, not smiling, not flirting, not anything.

And that was the fucking problem.

“Is that my fault?” Mingyu was bitter. He didn’t like how things ended up falling on his shoulder. He was okay with taking the fall, but he would have to do it willingly, and not someone making him take the blame.

Wonwoo shrugged. “You were never honest with yourself,” the corner of his lips turned down. “You couldn’t even say your deepest wish, the list goes on and on.”

“I did answer that tho. My deepest wish is evanescence.” Mingyu rose on one arm.

Wonwoo was about to object.

“With someone I need, with you.”

_No._

A pain-stricken expression replaced the passive one for a few seconds, long enough to be seen.

“A month ago, that might have been worth something.” Wonwoo wasn’t sure if his voice came out shaking.

“But why?” the question involved all the why’s. Their relation should have had no why’s; but here they were.

_No._

“Why?” Wonwoo was fixing his hair. “That’s in fact a very hard question.”

 

Mingyu didn’t speak until Wonwoo was unlocking the door. “Is that it?”

Wonwoo deliberately made sure he couldn’t see Mingyu’s face, he didn’t need to see that, he didn’t want to feel anything.

“How long are you going to feign ignorance?” it was the first time Wonwoo had voiced that question in someone else’s presence.

And this time, Wonwoo did turn. Mingyu’s face was as pale as a ghost, Wonwoo almost flashed a smile, a smile that his lips hadn’t practiced in a while. The sadistic satisfaction at seeing him flustered like that.

 However, Mingyu was quick to sober up, he was on his feet quickly, standing before Wonwoo.

“Wonwoo-” he started, having the same expression Wonwoo remembered seeing when the former seemed to be talking and analyzing simultaneously, when something didn’t go according to his plans. When Mingyu was pressured. But no, he wasn’t going to let any room for chances or questions. He put his finger on Mingyu’s lips and shook his head.

“No more questions, I have to go now. Save it for later.” And he kissed him lightly, feeling nothing.

_No._

****

****

****

****

Mingyu was never a fan of music with lyrics, he used to hum a tune or two while he worked or simply played classic music or anything that had no words.

_Atonement, redemption and punishment._

But as he handled the canvas, he was singing _London Bridge Is Falling Down_ , same old smirk, same old methods.

Glancing up once or twice to look at the snow greeting the new year.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I /really/ hate this chapter you've no idea like I've so many shit against it I want to scream!  
> but hey next week I promise I'll make it up to you guys lol xx


	13. Fool's Mate

****

****

****

“You never told me,” Mingyu said, busying himself with something in his kitchen-corner. “Why do you keep coming back if you want nothing to do with me?”

It was late after midnight, the rain that had been pouring down nonstop for the past month, declaring winter had come, had had turned into snow, been snow for a few days now.

Snowing down beautifully, endlessly, everywhere, on land and on water. The former where it peacefully rested and the latter where it forever kept sinking.

Beautiful pure white snow. Cold, prickling, hypnotic. The interior of Mingyu’s apartment only lit by outside banners and streetlights, yet it was more than enough. His naked stature had nothing but pants on, as if the cold affected nothing. Wonwoo was standing in front of the glass façade admiring the work of art nature had structured, his expression unseen to Mingyu, the expression that had a very sad, sad feeling to it. One hand was hugging his torso while the other held a cup of hot cacao.

“Then should I ask you why you keep sleeping with me?” Wonwoo’s reply seemed distant; he was too focused on the falling snow.

_What could be prettier? What could make the pretty beautiful?_

“You won’t deal with me unless it’s sex, so guess this will have to do for now.”

Wonwoo turned to him briefly, Mingyu was still not facing him, it was safe to have the same sad smile wearing out his heart. “For now? You’re rather hopeful.”

“Usually I’m not.” He turned to Wonwoo. “You know that.”

Wonwoo heard footsteps, footsteps that didn’t stop until a faint body-heat was felt to his right. “What would it take?” Mingyu whispered, softness etched to his face.

“The snow is pretty.” Wonwoo was being irrelevant.

Mingyu nodded, mirroring the same fleeting look in his eyes.

“What would it take to make you whole?” Mingyu whispered again. “What was it that broke you so bad?”

“The truth. The truth I sought, the truth I got and the truth I lost. The truth you never showed me, the truth that you don’t know.” A rehearsed line.

_I’m trying so hard._

“I’m sorry.” Mingyu said sincerely.

At that, Wonwoo had to turn around. He studied Mingyu with a different kind of emotion. The unspoken pride was shaking, the steady decisive eyes were wavering, the untouchable flame was waning, Mingyu was growing transparent, vulnerable. He was slowly stepping into the breakable-zone, prone to receive irrevocable damage.

_It’s the mighty who fall hardest._

Wonwoo didn’t bat an eye and kept marveling on.

A loud scream made him leave nature’s masterpiece and look at Mingyu, who was the source of the noise; he was backing away, his hand clenching in his hair like a madman. The noise that sounded so much like a shriek, yet another thing Wonwoo would never forget throughout his life. “How much do you think I can take!?” it wasn’t a question that should be answered. “What is it that you want from me?”

It was smoldered, Wonwoo was apathetically bitter… if possible.

He couldn’t summon any sympathy. “Something you couldn’t give me. Words you couldn’t say. Feelings you couldn’t return.” The sad look was once again hidden at the back of his heart, where it belonged. Wonwoo was watching Mingyu knocking the doors of insanity, of despair.

“I spent the few last months of my life loving the guy I hated most in my life.” Mingyu was angry. “Just how paradoxical can life be? What proof do you need, if my bleeding heart pledges its love; dissembled, dysfunctional, _worthless_ , as it is … wouldn’t it weigh more than those few words I can’t utter? Do words really speak louder than action in that twisted world that fucked up your life? I’m someone who was able to love you at your worse; I loved every part of you.” He paused to catch his breath, closing his eyes. “I helped patch your heart, now it’s time to fake healing mine.”

Wonwoo slowly shook his head, pity filling his eyes; perhaps warring with another more exigent, more prominent and most importantly a more genuine emotion.

“What do you want to hear me say, Wonwoo? What is it? The three simple words that I could say to anyone? Are my actions really that insignificant, do they mean so little to you?” he closed the distance, Wonwoo was seeing everything in slow motion, how Mingyu’s hand reached out to his cheek, how Mingyu’s eyes held Wonwoo like they never did before… like he never saw any pair of eyes ever do. “Do _I_ mean so little to you… is this really the truth?” his whispering had taken a new turn, a much, much lower and much, much tenderer shape.

Wonwoo felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“When you were breaking up with me … that was _something_. But when I woke up to find… to find you like that,” a painful smile shaded his face, “that was on a whole new level, a category of its own, a new definition of pain.” Mingyu was whispering, but his tone kept getting louder, more desperate, as if he gained courage as he spoke his heart out at last. “It was a time when I could literally and by all aspects of the word hear my heart break. I could feel it snapping as it was no longer the vital organ it once had been; as if it could easily be dislocated, easily torn into pieces. I knew that time was coming, I thought I was ready.” He paused, giving up the act of courage. Groping for words, words he didn’t want to say, words that hurt him.

Wonwoo didn’t want to feel anything, he only wanted to feel the kind of enrapturing numbness and nothing else.

“But seemingly I wasn’t. I thought you could forgive, that you did. I was the one who lived the lie, I was the one who _needed_ it.” Mingyu basically screamed the word, looking up briefly to meet Wonwoo’s eyes then the broken air about him solidified. “And I ignored it, how much I tried to pretend this wasn’t happening.” A cynical laugh. “I was weak, still am. It wasn’t your loss; I lost first and that can’t be overwritten. And we broke each other… that is how it ends.”

Wonwoo swallowed, tried to form words he wished he didn’t mean. He eyed Mingyu and said nothing. Mingyu shook his head, verily falling slowly, slowly giving in.

“I tried so hard! So fucking hard!” he was back to hysterical. He let down his hand, it rose to hit the glass and stayed there, he was fuming. “You were free. You belonged to no one. No one. A rule that applied to everyone. And I wasn’t a fucking exception. I wasn’t your fucking exception, Wonwoo.” Wonwoo had never seen Mingyu so overcome by emotions, his eyes couldn’t help but open in utter astonishment, disbelief, pain. “And that hurt. It fucking hurts.” He could hear the tears in Mingyu’s voice.

Mingyu fell down to his knees, shoulders slouched, head bowed, thoroughly and utterly defeated.

_A beautiful broken work of art._

   
He didn’t say anything, he now understood what Mingyu was doing in the kitchen, it was a drink, a drink strong enough to leave him senseless enough to act senseless. And that enraged Wonwoo.

“The nerve you have. How dare you! Just how dare you say such words now!” Wonwoo didn’t find any cloth to grab Mingyu by, being on his knees as well, having his second emotional response in months, another tantrum, he was vehemently shaking Mingyu, Mingyu who didn’t lift up his head. “The nerve you have for breaking me and trying to fix me. To show such an expression after what you have done.”

Mingyu still hadn’t lifted up his head, he remained broken and crushed.

“ _MINGYU!_ ” he shouted Mingyu’s name with so much power, so much intensity it left his chest heaving in complaint, a sound he had never produced in his life, so fraught, so true, so emotional, so undone. Mingyu still wouldn’t raise his head. Wonwoo spoke when he became calmer.

“All I wanted was a sense of belonging, I lied; I wanted someone to hold me down, to make me feel home. To make not feeling bad about a sin okay. The indifference to my everything on your part. I only wanted a reason.” Another pause, “But you, _you,”_ Wonwoo’s voice was toxic as it uttered the accusing you. “You have made me lose so much along the way. And _I_ was the one who tried so hard.”

None of them spoke for a while. Each vulnerable in his own way.

Mingyu wasn’t the only one who ended up on the ground.

Wonwoo wasn’t the only one who ended up on the ground.

“How hard do you think it is, to have a script written for your life and all you have to do is follow?” Mingyu slowly lifted up his head, Wonwoo had never seen someone smiling as painfully, it was a smile he himself never smiled.

Only then, did he understand how undone Mingyu truly was.

“I thought we were done pretending, why did you fall in love with me?”

At Mingyu’s deeply wounded voice, one assaulted by breathlessness, Wonwoo’s hands fell to his sides, shock coursing through his veins.

Mingyu got something out of his pocket and put it in Wonwoo’s hand then closed it, letting his hand linger on Wonwoo’s for a second. Wonwoo who looked traumatized. “I believe you gave me this knowing what it means. I believe this is what has broken you so much, this’s your truth. But what I don’t understand is why now?”

Wonwoo couldn’t make sense of his surrounding, only the feeling of the cold metal in his hand and the light impact of Mingyu’s head against his bare shoulder, the light head that belonged to a shell that bore three sins.

_Three sins. One: making me love you._

“You knew long ago, you knew. I thought I was going to have to pay for my mistakes, I thought you got in this relationship with me to _destroy_ me.” He emphasized the verb so hard it hurt.

 _He knew._ Everything was dawning. Everything was pitch black.

 

“It’s because I knew, this is what I regret!” Wonwoo said, not hateful, not empty. He was nothing.

This time their silence weighed on both of them with unspeakable guilt, each visiting the darkest parts in his heart.

“It was my father who killed him, it was a mistake. You and I should have met long ago.” Mingyu said.

_Hyung._

_“H_ ow could I break a promise to your most important person? Why didn’t you carry out your hate, why did you have to fall for me…” Mingyu’s voice was nowhere near audible yet it resonated through the small distance that separated them.

_Three sins. Two: Loving me._

“I’m undeserving, I was willing to embrace the penalty; that was my reservation.” The tears were finally set free.

_Three sins. Three: a sin we share. Jeonghan-hyung._

“I gave you all the hints you needed, I didn’t want you to love me, I was aware my feelings were growing stronger; I didn’t try not to love you, it was impossible not to, I knew it and it consumed me. I realized I was making another mistake.”

 _And there goes_ my _sin: you._

“I should have played with your heart like you played with mine.” Wonwoo said mutely, only looking at the vacuum. “But it’s too late.”

Mingyu was trying to say something, stopping each time because tears immobilized everything in him.

It was over for Wonwoo.

He lost first, long ago, and playing a role he wasn’t fit for was a mistake. He couldn’t hate Mingyu; he couldn’t live the lie. But it was all washed away.

_You didn’t kill him._

He lifted Mingyu’s head, held it with both hands and looked him deeply in the eye. The dancing light in his dull eyes, dull teary eyes that glimmered. He was smiling, tears mixing with his eye-lashes.

“I went to see him the day before he died, he said there was someone I had to meet. A boy with a bright future like mine, a boy whose body was his own canvas, his own art. A boy that he saw me in despite being diametrical opposites. A dignified free spirit.” Wonwoo was getting the words out of his body the same way the venom existed the system. Slowly, painfully, and reluctantly.

“Do you have any idea how painful it was to stay by your side? The suffering I kept undergoing each time I felt happy. I failed at hating you, I failed at making you love me, I failed at forgiving you, I failed at killing you. The night terrors I had... have. My shattered heart, my scattered being. I was, no there was no I, I were only pieces of myself. Pieces you couldn’t handle.” Each word ripped Wonwoo’s throat raw, amplifying through the air and the emptiness of the place. “It was the kind of pain I was forced to know. And I was willing to feel the pain for you.” Sun- burnt went off in his chest, so overpowering it was unbearable.

His eyes met Mingyu’s, his eyes were compassionate, foreign and known in the dark eyes at the same time. Mingyu leaned in to kiss Wonwoo.

_It’s okay to forgive. There’s little point to hate now._

Wonwoo almost lost himself in the sweetness; he got up and walked away, collecting himself, managing his tears, his feelings, his life.

“I’m sorry.” Mingyu got up, walked towards the bed, towards Wonwoo and kissed him again.

Wonwoo wanted to lose himself. He was ripe for plundering. He kissed back, he wanted more, everything was different now, nothing mattered because nothing was there. Mingyu pushed him on the bed slowly, he had never been tenderer, he had never shown affection, he had never by any means shown any signs of loving Wonwoo in any of his kisses.

Kisses. The likes of which he had never felt before. Tingles shot across skin, feeling the lance of pleasurable pain, mortally intoxicated. Feeling the love explode within him, consume him. Or maybe Wonwoo was simply blind.

Mingyu’s knee glided on the bed, between Wonwoo’s two separated legs. Wonwoo’s hands embraced Mingyu’s neck as they kissed, it was one of the few times when both had their eyes closed, clinging to the memory as if it would slip away, as if it would fade if their eyes opened. As if it weren’t real.

Wonwoo’s hands were pulling Mingyu’s pants as the latter had already thrown Wonwoo’s pants on the ground, neither breaking their long streak of kisses. Their breaths matching. They needed no words. Mingyu’s hands seized Wonwoo’s pelvic bones as he licked all the way up to his naval, his lips brushing faintly with the subtle moves, coaxing him. Wonwoo’s legs wrapped around Mingyu’s waist, his hungry fingertips digging deep in the other’s back as he thrust deeper.

Wonwoo’s moan was muffled by the kiss. “I never saw your face…” Mingyu said, breathless, backing his head away to get a good look.

Wonwoo too could see the red face, the gap of mouth that indicated an insatiable thirst for love. He wanted to kiss him so bad, every part of him. The extent of this longing was skyless; one wouldn’t call this violent sex drive ‘animalistic’; people used the term because it was the limitation of the human mind; of their imagination, now this seemed meek, even tamed. These two together have broken so many rules; these two together have made all the ugly become hypnotizingly enthralling.

It was slow, a nonpareil rhythm, it was sweet, it was perfect, it was love.

 

****

****

****

****

Mingyu’s hand grabbed Wonwoo’s arm as the latter slipped out of bed. “Stay.” He said drowsily, the pillow muffling most of his voice.

Wonwoo smiled. “Give me one reason to.”

“I love you.” Mingyu said simply. He might have been sleepy, but the crimson colour spreading across Wonwoo’s cheek was distinguishable, like a maiden in love and the glee his eyes spoke as if the person he loved just confessed their love. Which was really the case.

“You what?” Wonwoo said, louder than the silent night allowed.

“You are a fool, Jeon Wonwoo, you know that.” Mingyu said closing his eyes, drifting to sleep again. “You fell in love with me and after all of that you can’t believe your ears when I say the words you wanted to hear.”

He felt the slight rise and fall as Wonwoo returned to bed, he fluttered his eyes open.

“I’ve always wanted to play with your hair.” Wonwoo said, hands already in Mingyu’s hair.

“Where does that leave us now, Wonwoo?” Mingyu asked.

“What do you mean? We taunted ourselves before this happened. We knew one of us would fall for the other hence so would the other, it was inescapable.”

“I tried to suppress my feelings, really, I did.” He resumed, “But when you gave up on me; that was where my pain harboured. I didn’t know whether I can have you back, whether I can make you mine while I couldn’t even make you whole.”

Wonwoo planted a small kiss on Mingyu’s lips. “I enjoyed being broken, I enjoyed seeing you get broken.”

Wonwoo laughed and Mingyu threw a pillow at him wanly. “What is it? Are you shy?” Wonwoo teased, making way through the pillows with his flailing hands to see Mingyu’s face. Mingyu caught his hands, rose up in bed, pulled him close and kissed him.

“You are so sly, Jeon Wonwoo, I don’t know why I fell for you.”

He chuckled. “You have a stupid love-sick smile, Kim Mingyu, for a murderer.”

Mingyu’s smile weakened. He spoke seconds later, “Did you love him?”

“There were times when I couldn’t look at Tzuyu or Chan, but no, it wasn’t that kind of love.” Wonwoo paused, “I didn’t lie when I said they were my kids, Hyung made me the godfather, _she_ was pregnant with Tzuyu when he died.” Mingyu was giving him his chance, knowing fully well there were more words to be said after he heard the stressed ‘she’. “Did you?”

Mingyu sighed. “I wasn’t sure, for a long time I couldn’t tell. My dilemma has always been: did I want to sleep with him or I only wanted him by my side. I could never tell whether it was love or simply a strong longing for company,” he paused, thinking of the question that was just proposed. “I think I did for a while, yes. I wanted to hate my father, for killing him, for leaving me.”

“Is that why you went to his grave.. the other day I mean?” Wonwoo asked sadly, stroking Mingyu’s hair.

“I was seeing you slipping away, I could no longer keep the silent promise I made that if I met you, I would have nothing to do with you. That you were related to him and all.” Mingyu wasn’t abashed to utter such words.  
Wonwoo looked at him compassionately. “Is that when you decided that not returning my feelings was the best solution, why you decided to convince yourself you didn’t love me?”

Maybe on some other occasion this would have been a compliment, Mingyu was indeed ethical but the consequences were too drastic for having such ideals. He nodded.

“I only wanted to receive my designated punishment; I thought you were manipulating me. That only I was going to fall for you then I’d be destroyed.” He paused, a flood of old memories coming back all at once, too much to be handled all at once. “It was fine by me, if it would make everything … anything right, if it would wash away a part of my wrong doings.”

Wonwoo didn’t say a thing for a while and Mingyu didn’t want to face him.

He shrugged. “I was trying to manipulate you at first. But then you weren’t a bad person, you were someone I would have gladly been devoted to in a different scenario. It even took me a while to put two and two together, a while that was long enough. I wanted to forgive you, almost did.” Wonwoo gashed, affection filling his voice.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t know how Cheonsa died, all I know it was an accident that led my father to die as well, I held no grudges, I lost two people.”

Wonwoo kissed him for long time interval. Remembering the flame of their last encounter, bringing colour to his cheek.

“This is funny,” Mingyu began, with the love-sick smile on his face. “I remember when you refused to be kissed when we first met.”

Wonwoo laughed, Mingyu missed the sound of that. “Well, back then I wasn’t sure if I should get close to you and destroy you, or not.” He threw his hands around Mingyu’s neck. “It was you who froze on the roller coaster that made my decision though.”

Mingyu grimaced at that. “Somehow I remembered him back then, and that brought forth memories I didn’t like. I don’t know why.”

“A twenty-four year old guy who would occasionally have nights of terror because of his dead cousin, I say I’m in no shoes to criticize.” The third person usage made both of them laugh.  


Wonwoo was in Mingyu’s lap as the former embraced him with the blanket was wrapped around both of them, his neck turned and he stretched it to reach for Mingyu’s lips. “He loved the snow, winter was his favourite season. He always said it seemed endless, especially when it snowed, the purity of weather that made everything pure, the purity that humans in general lacked. Such a dreamer he was.”

“I’m sorry.” Mingyu apologized again, overcome by rue.

“You don’t have to. Altho you could have been subtle about the tattoos or the tune you hummed.” He teased.

Mingyu laughed, remembering something. “Did Jeonghan-hyung write the lyrics to the song?”

“We wrote it together, yes.”

A pause.

“Seriously, don’t apologize. Yesterday you said something; you said your father killed him. Hyung had a weak heart, in case you didn’t know, his lifespan was short. And he died for your father’s sake. You have got it wrong, Gyu.”

It didn’t add up. “What are you saying, Wonwoo?” Mingyu asked, concerned.

“When you were in a coma, I went to your apartment, as if I needed any proof of the connection that tied you to Cheonsa. I found the keepsake box where you kept an amulet with a letter from your dad.” He let that sink.

_The letter my father gave me after Hyung was dead._

“It had Hyung’s amulet. The amulet I gave you when you were in the hospital, it was mine and not Hyung’s. We had this stupid deal, that if he ever lost it, it means he had given up on everything, on me; he said he would never leave me. He didn’t have to say it. It meant he decided to end his life, but deep down I would know it. So having left the amulet was probably his way of saying that death was his choice. I don’t know his reasons, but that mathematics genius always had a goddamn good reason for everything.” He paused, smiling at the memory. “It was I who gave it to him to make sure he would never leave me. When you had it I thought you were his killer; or at least had a major role to play in his death, that he died for you or that your father killed him because he was in a relation with you, that Hyung chose death over me, that he chose you over _me_.” He seemed to be embarrassed at such a thought.  
“But yesterday everything was news for me. That it was an accident, that your father has taken his own life to pay for his mistake. That you guys weren’t in a relation, _that it wasn’t you who contributed to his death_. It was your father and it’s not what I thought. If I had known half of that, I’d not have had a reason to feel obliged to hate you, I would have…” he trailed off.

Mingyu was going to say something morbid but decided against it. “You would have what? Not tried to kill me?” he wasn’t spiteful, on the contrary he kissed Wonwoo before he could answer.

“There was a letter I had burnt, from father saying Jeonghan-hyung left the amulet for me. That was why I couldn’t wear it. You could have simply asked. Was that why you were so broken?”

“Maybe Hyung knew we might meet someday, that his amulet was both a message for you _and_ me. That you had nothing to do with him or his death.” Wonwoo said thoughtfully.  
  
Wonwoo looked down, Mingyu saw the cute side of him again. “When I was fighting with you; the burning tears, they were because I was letting go of the person I loved. When you were a coma I thought you would never wake up and that was the end of my story. Of _our_ story. I was angry, I went to see you at first, but then I couldn’t. I thought I hated you, but I was simply angry with myself, I needed a scapegoat and you were the perfect fit for that role. It was an excuse to leave you, I was hurt and I needed a reason.”

Mingyu pressed his lips into a thin line, resisting the urge to kiss him again, it was too cold for a third round.  
“I love you.” He repeated.

It still had the magical effect on Wonwoo. “Took you long enough.” He whispered, trying not to blush.

“I don’t know if you are stupid, but you had to be blind not to have seen it before I said it.” He said affectionately.

Wonwoo made weird noises. “I can’t get used to your affectionate eyes. Mingyu, can you not!” he covered his eyes, squeezing a laugh from Mingyu.

“And it’s not like you left me any hints but your tattoos… moron.” Wonwoo pushed him back, hovering over him. “You yourself were the big mysterious piece of a puzzle I struggled to riddle out.” He breathed into Mingyu’s mouth.

“As I said, you are stupid.” Mingyu said smiling impishly.

Wonwoo caressed a scar on Mingyu’s body. “Imperfection.” He chuckled. Then his fingers softly traced the viper on Mingyu’s body, smiling as his hands kept slipping down. Mingyu said, “Wonwoo, would you look at my eyes?”

Wonwoo was dumbfounded but he obeyed.

“Deeper.” Mingyu commanded. Wonwoo leaned closer. Mingyu grabbed his head and kissed him, his tongue tickling the insides of Wonwoo’s mouth.

“It’s true your habits die hard. There’s this funny story that made Jeonghan-hyung tell me some moron he had for a cousin had a weird way of kissing and it got him in trouble with _someone_ back in the time.” Mingyu said when he pulled away, his smile spreading wider.

“Damn him! Did he tell you to when I first lost my virginity too? He could hardly keep a secret if he was at ease with someone, he must have liked you a lot.” Wonwoo said and kissed Mingyu again.

When they broke away, they simply started staring at each other, as if at last they could see.

“Why is he always faceless in your drawings?” Wonwoo asked looking like someone who was struck by the thought only now. “It took me months to realize it was Hyung, seriously you are the best when it comes to keeping secrets.”

“I couldn’t draw him.” Mingyu shrugged. “I couldn’t stop drawing him but I couldn’t get myself to draw his face, to have to face even a static version of him. It hurt a bit.”

“You showing emotions feels so weird, please stop.” Wonwoo made a note.

“You are a fucking jerk. I really should have never let you in.”

A loud hearty laugh.

“So where does that leave us? A jerk and another with entwined pasts. We should be hating each other for your information. What does that make us, what are we?”

Mingyu laughed out loud, sensing a joke Wonwoo pretended not to get. “We are everything we shouldn’t be. And that’s how it is and how it’s going to stay. Adapt.”

Mingyu pushed him back and he was on top of him now, pushing Wonwoo’s hair back, caressing his cheek. “I really love you.”

“Still a jerk even when you say you love me, is that the best you can do?” Mingyu was watching Wonwoo’s lips move as he talked, feeling his chest rise and fall.

“Almost forgot, it’s an over-” Mingyu recited as he rolled his eyes.

“Over simplification, yes. You should have some eloquence, did you skip writing class in school?”

Mingyu got up and stood in front of the bed. “My bad.” He exaggerated a bow then looked up at Mingyu, deep in his eyes. He knelt on one knee, held Wonwoo’s hand heartily as he uttered his confession in an elegant way. “I can’t love you within the boundaries of reason. It’s overwhelming and it’s consuming my every bone. I have always thought it’s an exaggeration to feel this overpowered by a feeling, as if a stronger entity has taken over. I have found in you everything I lost before.”

Wonwoo’s eyes started tearing.

“Are those tears?” Mingyu couldn’t help mocking him. His answer came as a pillow to his face. “You really cry easily.”

Wonwoo rose up and stood in front of Mingyu, facing him. “Those are happy tears,” he hid his face with his arm.

Mingyu pried it away and said, “Show me your face,” it was a tender whisper. “How do you feel when you are with me, be eloquent.” He mocked.

“It’s too cold for this, come back to bed.” Wonwoo evaded the question.

It was an embarrassing question. “No, answer me.” He pressed.

“Shut up and kiss me.” Wonwoo said, pulling Mingyu to his side.

 

 

 

 _I love you._ It was stupid how Mingyu could only think of that one simple sentence.

 

 

 

 _You make sense of who I am._ And it was even more stupid how Wonwoo couldn’t voice such a sentence.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's over????? wow guys I can't believe it ... does it make sense now??  
> it sure didn't make much sense to me lol  
> I wrote this listening to Pieces by Red (seriously they're so lit make sure to check them out... please?) and if you already know the song forgive the reference(s) made in this chapter -they're one of my two fav bands-  
> can I get a bit sappy as to thank you? lol okay be kind, this is one of the very few happy endings I wrote, I don't do that often lol  
> anyhoe  
> thank you so much for sticking all the way through this boring journey and for your supports, you're awesome //hugs


End file.
